XOXO

I'm sorry. I don't think you're being selfish at all. I would be upset too.

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Posted by slwh2005



I'm sorry. I don't think you're being selfish at all. I would be upset too.

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I agree. I would feel the same way and would have done the same thing.

Im sorry but your mom sounds like a really immiture person who needs to be the center of attention.

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Posted by WedHead

You hit the nail on the head unfortunately.

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also I don't want to be rude but how old is she that she is going to adopt a child???
Usually if you have a child that is living on her own and getting married .. you are past the stage in your life of raising babies

um..I don't want to piss you off remember this is just my opinion. (and, you asked for it....)

Your wedding is a wonderful exciting thing to plan-I definitely can relate.

BUT-your mom has decided to adopt a BABY. that is wonderful news too! you are going to have a new sister, and I don't know how close you and your mother are but to her this is also an amazing happy time too. Share in the joys don't think of it as stealing your thunder. It must be hard for you, but I couldn't help thinking that your wedding is one day. Your mom is adopting a new person, new life, and responsibility.

It's hard when you're so excited about your wedding to remember that others are also around-and they can either be not as happy, or have other things going on besides your wedding that make them happy.

I don't think that your mom announcing her new arrival takes any focus off of the beautiful wedding day you're going to have. It's two different joys-hope I helped a little. Even if I pissed you off...

Also I can somewhat relate...

My mom made a HUGE scene when she came to look at my hall with us for the first time after we booked... I couldn't even look at her after that... she also gave everyone a hard time about my shower and put everything off till the last minute.. it was bad.

She also kept talking about how she was getting engaged soon... my whole engagement I kept thinking she would announce it right before or during my wedding to her family to steal my thunder...
I would get annoyed just thinking about it.

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Posted by M&LSept1606

um..I don't want to piss you off remember this is just my opinion. (and, you asked for it....)

Your wedding is a wonderful exciting thing to plan-I definitely can relate.

BUT-your mom has decided to adopt a BABY. that is wonderful news too! you are going to have a new sister, and I don't know how close you and your mother are but to her this is also an amazing happy time too. Share in the joys don't think of it as stealing your thunder. It must be hard for you, but I couldn't help thinking that your wedding is one day. Your mom is adopting a new person, new life, and responsibility.

It's hard when you're so excited about your wedding to remember that others are also around-and they can either be not as happy, or have other things going on besides your wedding that make them happy.

I don't think that your mom announcing her new arrival takes any focus off of the beautiful wedding day you're going to have. It's two different joys-hope I helped a little. Even if I pissed you off...

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I don't think her vent had to do with her mom adopting a baby ... more about the way she is going about it and handling it with the children she ALREADY has.

I recall your other post about this...I am sorry that you feel upstaged by your mom.

I have family members that are in competition with each other. It is really sad that they cannot see the joy in the successes of their loved ones. Is that the way you feel?

While it is exciting to have people talk about your day. Honestly, it is not about the wedding day. It is about spending your life with your FH. The day is a grand celebration about this promise and hope. I am sure that on your wedding day itself everyone will focus on you and your DH.

As for the way your mom is handling herself, she should not have made a promise to you that she would not honor. But now that her 'secret' is out in the open I would not punish the rest of the family or yourself. You will have a sibiling soon. He/she is innocent in all of this. Please do not let your feelings make you have ill will towards the child.

eta: Yes everyone is entitled to a selfish day once in a while

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Posted by WedHead

She had me really young - she's only 45 now and her husband of 3 years is only 35. Even so, I'm 27 and my brothers are 26 and 24 (and have been a handful). I even said to her that I would think she would want to be more involved in my day since she'll probably be 75 at her next daughter's wedding.

Not to mention having to deal with the fact she's been pressuring me for grandchildren for years and now I have to come to terms with the fact she will not be the grandmother I'd hope she'd be, since she'll have a toddler when I decide to have my first child!

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WOW!!!! I think I posted this before but Sandra ( aka Jimmysbride) went through the EXACT same thing a few months ago.. her mom is the same age and was looking into adopting a child.
I personally feel that 45 is just too old to start all over again...
This is a time in your life to be selfish and go on vacation and relax.
Not to be changing diapers and getting up in the middle of the night and potty training, etc.

I mean its none of my buisness but maybe she should talk to someone before she goes through with it.

It wouldn't be fair to the child she is adopting IMO.

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Posted by coopersmom

What is bothering everyone about a 45 year old woman adopting a child? What about those women who have children later in life and not when they are 18?

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my thoughts exactly. My mother was 42 when I was born and my Dad 46. I am FORTUNATE because they taught me a lot about life that younger parents couldn't have taught their children.

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Posted by lrs2005

As for the way your mom is handling herself, she should not have made a promise to you that she would not honor. But now that her 'secret' is out in the open I would not punish the rest of the family or yourself. You will have a sibiling soon. He/she is innocent in all of this. Please do not let your feelings make you have ill will towards the child.

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I would never - and I told her that from the beginning. That although I have my issues with this, of course I'll be good to this child. She knows that too. I'm always good to people - sometimes to the point I get stepped on!

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Posted by coopersmom

What is bothering everyone about a 45 year old woman adopting a child? What about those women who have children later in life and not when they are 18?

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Most people at 18 get pregnant... not adopt.
I have read a few of her posts about her mom... and its more the mentality her mother seems to have... if she was 18 or 100 I think its more of an attention thing then a wanting to be a parent thing. Just my opinion from what I have read.

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Posted by WedHead

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Posted by lrs2005

As for the way your mom is handling herself, she should not have made a promise to you that she would not honor. But now that her 'secret' is out in the open I would not punish the rest of the family or yourself. You will have a sibiling soon. He/she is innocent in all of this. Please do not let your feelings make you have ill will towards the child.

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I would never - and I told her that from the beginning. That although I have my issues with this, of course I'll be good to this child. She knows that too. I'm always good to people - sometimes to the point I get stepped on!

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Do you at least have very supportive bridesmaids and other family to be around??? and no I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to be a little selfish sometimes.. esp. when you are planning your wedding