XOXO

Yeah!

YEAH!!!!!

I had a Whopper Jr. with cheese and some Gobstoppers. I need to boogie to CVS to get #15 lotion and inner soles. The life of a bride!

I am trying to cope and stay calm. Yesterday was a day of emotional and spiritual cleansing for me. In the morning, I braved rush hour traffic and went to the cemetery in New Jersey to see my father's grave and say the Mourner's Kaddish for him. Tomorrow will be a day full of tears. I want to think that there will be more tears of joy than sadness but I venture to say that it will be 50/50. I asked him and G-d for their blessings and prayed that my father will rejoice knowing his baby will forever be taken care of by her new hero. The old one will forever live in my heart if not here on Earth.

Yesterday I had been having a conversation with someone who couldnt understand how the tradition of taking someone's name evolved. She felt that a woman loses something when she takes her husband's name - like who she was and where she came from. I had to stop her in her tracks. To imply that I lose a sense of myself or my upbringing because I am taking FH's last name is ludicrous. Who I am is in my heart and my soul and with every sense of goodness that my family has given me through nurturing - NOT by the letters that compose my father's last name. Yes, I do have a brother and he has a son so the name is not ready to go anywhere. HOWEVER, I do not consider myself less of a legacy to my father (nor would he) simply because of a new moniker.

Yesterday, my mother had been telling me on the phone in a serious heart-to-heart that she never could have survived the past 2 years and most recently, the past 2 months without her children. I told her very sternly, that who WE are, is a direct reflection of their incredible parenting skills. Without them to show us how to be decent people, we would not have been able to care for them adequately. Thank goodness we could care for them. Now Mom will be at my wedding instead of flat on her back in a hospital room in Texas.

I told Mom that I hoped all of the planning I did in her absence made her and Daddy proud. I told her that I missed him but did not tell her I went to see him. I did not want to upset her or myself as we are still both dealing with such loss. Many have said that I will be so focused on everything else and the hurt will still be there on my wedding day, but it will be more 'fleeting' than 'lingering'. I am not sure what that means but i am hoping for it. I brought a picture of my father to the caterer today to make sure it is placed in the bridal room. He asked me if I wanted it out on display. I told him it was for me and nobody else. I also did not want my siblings, my mother, his grandchildren, his sister, his nieces and nephews and anyone else who is still greiving for him to become upset.

Last night I had been to the city and visited a Mikveh which is a ritual bath that Jewish women use to cleanse themselves before marriage, after their monthly cycles and possibly during any other periods of transition. It left me feeling peaceful and thats what I needed before tomorrow.

You are all incredible women. Thank you once again for your support! I CAN'T WAIT TIL TOMORROW!!! I'M GOING MENTAL!!!!

Leslie-
I am not sure I can capture in words howmoves I was reading your post. You are a very strong woman. And you said it so well, we are a direct reflection of our parents. We can not be who we are without their guidance.

Have a wonderful day today and tomorrow!!!

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Posted by MsKitty1274

Leslie-
I am not sure I can capture in words howmoves I was reading your post. You are a very strong woman. And you said it so well, we are a direct reflection of our parents. We can not be who we are without their guidance.

Have a wonderful day today and tomorrow!!!

---

Ditto..

You are such a great person leslie and I cant wait to share your day tomorrow!

Leslie, I've said all I can say about how absolutely wonderful you are and how happy I am for you!!

Can't wait to see you get married tomorrow!! I'll be the one sniffling and crying like a baby!!

Daddy is watching you and will throughout your new life.

I believe it. Have a wonderful day and much love luck and happiness!

Congratulations Leslie! Have a great day! You TOTALLY deserve it.

Very well said! Beautiful!

I wish you all the best tomorrow!

Leslie,

As someone who has conflictions between leaving my last name behind....your passage about who you are in your soul --- wow, that really touched me. It's not the first time something you have written has touched me.

I truly hope tomorrow that you feel the love your father has for you and I truly feel blessed to have met you for an instant at Elsa's and to have read your stories throughout this past year.

I've said it before, but I wish you all the best tomorrow and beyond tomorrow.

I WISH I COULD INVITE ALL OF YOU!!!!

Leslie, you are such an incredible woman. Your words are so touching. God bless you and your family tomorrow. Congratulations and best wishes!!!!!!!!!

That was put beautifully... Enjoy your wedding!

You speak so eloquently Leslie and I'm truly honored that I've had the privilege of meeting you on more than one occaision and I'm looking forward to many more. What you said about your parents and the impact that they've had on your lives is truly beautiful and its wonderful to see that love strive as a new branch of your family tree is growing. Do not think of this as the end of you as Leslie Maiden Name, think of it as the birth of the Married Name Family. That's what will get your through the emotions of your special day.