Brides Helping Brides ™ - XOXO

Kara and Todd Posted: Apr 30, 2007 01:54 PM

.

Thanks for the responses. I appreciate you letting me vent. No need to leave this up any longer.

the future mrs m Posted: Apr 30, 2007 01:59 PM

Re: If this happened at your Pre-Cana, what would you do?

SAy something! This is wy my bf doesn't want to go to pre cana. his exat reasons-stories like this. I'm sorry you had a bad experience. I'm on my way to st joes now to register. xo, k

ssiegel23 Posted: Apr 30, 2007 02:05 PM

Re: If this happened at your Pre-Cana, what would you do?

I know who you are talking about...I belong to the same Church...me and FH did PreCana with them back in January....

They weren't as bad as you said...but I can totally see it....FH got into a debate with the husband because in one breathe he said God is everywhere...yet when asked (around the room) why we were getting married in a Church...FH said he was doing it for my family....didn't bode well with the instructor....

All-in-all though the activities/discussions throughout the day did pertain to marriage/illness/how to get through struggles/dilemenas as a married couple...

Maybe they were having an off day? He is opinionated..no doubt...but our experience wasn't as horrible as yours....Sorry!!

You can try talking to the Church but this couple have been doing PreCana forever...they are big in the Church...not sure what will happen...

Kara and Todd Posted: Apr 30, 2007 02:07 PM

Re: If this happened at your Pre-Cana, what would you do?

AMGBride2008 Posted: Apr 30, 2007 02:08 PM

Re: If this happened at your Pre-Cana, what would you do?

I wouldn't hesitate for even a second to say something. I would even request that that couple DIDN'T run your rehersal.

Smiles111 Posted: Apr 30, 2007 02:09 PM

Re: If this happened at your Pre-Cana, what would you do?

Definitely report your experience.

Maybe if enough people do, something will change.

Aug07OFCbride Posted: Apr 30, 2007 02:17 PM

Re: If this happened at your Pre-Cana, what would you do?

Wow. Im really sorry you felt cheated with your precana experience. Thats really unfortunate!! This does not sound like a helpful experience, as youve explained it. I would really suggest sitting down with someone at your church to discuss ways you think the precana could be improved for other couples in the future- what you felt was helpful/what was not. Good luck!

Kara and Todd Posted: Apr 30, 2007 02:26 PM

Re: If this happened at your Pre-Cana, what would you do?

Espo22 Posted: Apr 30, 2007 02:27 PM

Re: If this happened at your Pre-Cana, what would you do?

I seriously can't believe that. I am not catholic and have been a little afraid to do pre-cana, so to call out non-catholics and then questioning them is just horrible to me. I also can't believe the things he was saying, and his whole attitude.

I would seriously talk to someone at the church, let them know how you feel. If something made you uncomfortable then you have a right to say so. This was supposed to be an experience that when you walked out of there you came out with a new understanding of marriage and maybe have gotten something out of it.

I would also mention the fact that he was talking about his business. This is probably the reason he even does pre-cana

Kara and Todd Posted: Apr 30, 2007 02:34 PM

Re: If this happened at your Pre-Cana, what would you do?

ant n tilde Posted: Apr 30, 2007 02:48 PM

Re: If this happened at your Pre-Cana, what would you do?

i am so sorry that you had this experience! I think you should definitely say something ( but in a much more constructive way!)

I had such an amazing experience in precana that was 110% about OUR marriage. . .we really learned a lot and it was a VERY private experience ( with a lot of time devoted to talking in private and less time discussing with the other three couples) i think everyone deserves to have a great experience like we did!

good luck and keep us updated!

Aug06 Posted: Apr 30, 2007 02:58 PM

Re: If this happened at your Pre-Cana, what would you do?

I would say something. FH and I had a wonderful experience at pre-cana and it brought us closer together. Couples at your church should not continue to miss out on this experience!

Marly Posted: Apr 30, 2007 02:59 PM

Re: If this happened at your Pre-Cana, what would you do?

Posted by Espo22

I seriously can't believe that. I am not catholic and have been a little afraid to do pre-cana, so to call out non-catholics and then questioning them is just horrible to me. I also can't believe the things he was saying, and his whole attitude.

I would seriously talk to someone at the church, let them know how you feel. If something made you uncomfortable then you have a right to say so. This was supposed to be an experience that when you walked out of there you came out with a new understanding of marriage and maybe have gotten something out of it.

I would also mention the fact that he was talking about his business. This is probably the reason he even does pre-cana

I totally agree 100%, you need to make a complaint with the Pastor of your Parrish. He had no reason to treat any of you like that!!!!! That man needs a Major attitude ajustment, he had no right what so ever to speak to all of you like that. He should not be allowed anywhere near Pre-Cana, he also needs to get out of the Dark Ages with his frame of thinking!!!

LitBallerinaGirl Posted: Apr 30, 2007 02:59 PM

Re: If this happened at your Pre-Cana, what would you do?

It's funny, becasue the number 1 lesson our pre- cana couples tried to instill into us was the importance of communication....Doesn't sound like they do much communicating, and if they do it doesn't sound like it's really effective.
Thanks for sharing and sorry your experience was awful! My DH and I actually enjoyed pre-cana. We had 3 couples. 1 married for 1 year, 1 married for 15, and one married for 25. It was nice. They brought up important issues like finances, and what goes into making a relationship work. Opened our eyes a lot and we even got to play the newleywed game with the 10+ other couples.

Espo22 Posted: Apr 30, 2007 03:01 PM

Re: If this happened at your Pre-Cana, what would you do?

Yeah I understand its not a typical pre-cana experience. I am a little afraid about being asked religious questions but I know I have to deal with it, BUT for the fact that if I was a little afraid from ahead of time for that to happen it would put me off, that is why it is so wrong what he did. You have people who are willing to be open-minded and get married in a church other than their own religion so they should make them feel welcomed.

ant n tilde Posted: Apr 30, 2007 03:04 PM

Re: If this happened at your Pre-Cana, what would you do?

Posted by Espo22

Yeah I understand its not a typical pre-cana experience. I am a little afraid about being asked religious questions but I know I have to deal with it, BUT for the fact that if I was a little afraid from ahead of time for that to happen it would put me off, that is why it is so wrong what he did. You have people who are willing to be open-minded and get married in a church other than their own religion so they should make them feel welcomed.

i wish you could come take precana at my church LOL seriously, there was a girl that wasnt catholic and the only time it was mentioned was when SHE brought it up!

i love my precana couple - they told us to stop by any time ( they live a block away) and i think they are going to take that back once i show up every night for dinner

aimes1313 Posted: Apr 30, 2007 03:13 PM

Re: If this happened at your Pre-Cana, what would you do?

I think my cousin may have been at your Pre-Cana. We had the shower for his FW yesterday and she went on a rant about how terrible her pre-cana was. She said it had almost nothing to do with marriage. He would ask random questions like 'would you use an illegal metro card to save money' and if anyone answered honestly he'd tell them they were going to 'eternal damnation'.

I'm sorry you both had such horrible experiences.

diva7531 Posted: Apr 30, 2007 03:14 PM

Re: If this happened at your Pre-Cana, what would you do?

I would maybe start off by asking for another couple to run the rehearsal. And if they ask why, just mention lightly your experience with the Pre-Cana. It should have been a positive experience that shows you about marriage, finance, kids, family and life. Not about evils, hell and damnation. If no one ever says anything, nothing will ever change. GL I hope it works out for you

Kara and Todd Posted: Apr 30, 2007 03:15 PM

Re: If this happened at your Pre-Cana, what would you do?

Espo22 Posted: Apr 30, 2007 03:15 PM

Re: If this happened at your Pre-Cana, what would you do?

Posted by ant n tilde

Posted by Espo22

Yeah I understand its not a typical pre-cana experience. I am a little afraid about being asked religious questions but I know I have to deal with it, BUT for the fact that if I was a little afraid from ahead of time for that to happen it would put me off, that is why it is so wrong what he did. You have people who are willing to be open-minded and get married in a church other than their own religion so they should make them feel welcomed.

i wish you could come take precana at my church LOL seriously, there was a girl that wasnt catholic and the only time it was mentioned was when SHE brought it up!

i love my precana couple - they told us to stop by any time ( they live a block away) and i think they are going to take that back once i show up every night for dinner

Well so far FH's church has been great. I hear about what others had to go through and I am like WOW we didnt have to do any of that...Even when we put in for our date, FH went and picked up the application, I filled it up at his house and he brought it back. They called me two weeks later to let confirm the date and time, I said what do I do next and they said for now nothing, and just that 6 months before to bring baptismal certificate and also about pre-cana. I said but I am not catholic is there anything i need to do and I told him what religion I am and he just asked for the baptismal certicate.

We didn't have to go in there and get questioned and all of that.

BUT then again FH's mother is the head of the choir, she does fundraising for them, volunteers, taught CCD classes for years so maybe thats why lol.

Its funny bc FH said oh no watch his mom now want to be in charge of pre-cana classes and we'll have to do it with her