Re: furious with FH.. vent
you have to decide the nature of what is behind the lie.
is it a 'i just wanted to get away with this one thing and not upset or hurt her' kind of thing
or
is it something that you think is indicative of how he has or intends to deal with issues that may upset you...you know?
Once time my husband lied about something that I asked him directly about. I didn't know until he told me something else a few months later that was a contridication. He had good cause, he thought, for the lie. And in the deepest part of his intensions, he did. It was about someone he had dated that was still in his life (married to his best friend) and since she was still a friend of his (albeit they live in Penn and she's someone he pretty much can't stand and only deals with because of who she is married to) he didn't want it to cause and issue. I had to tell him then and there....i would ALWAYS rather something upset me then have him lie.
So there are pretty much 2 important types of lies that you need to decide on- was he being condisiderate and aware of a mistake, or is this a issue about intention and dishonesty and trust. Because while neither are GOOD, one is worse then the other. Not to say that either are so easy to tend to...but they look differently, you know? One is peppered with remorse, and one is peppered with distrust.
is it a 'i just wanted to get away with this one thing and not upset or hurt her' kind of thing
or
is it something that you think is indicative of how he has or intends to deal with issues that may upset you...you know?
Once time my husband lied about something that I asked him directly about. I didn't know until he told me something else a few months later that was a contridication. He had good cause, he thought, for the lie. And in the deepest part of his intensions, he did. It was about someone he had dated that was still in his life (married to his best friend) and since she was still a friend of his (albeit they live in Penn and she's someone he pretty much can't stand and only deals with because of who she is married to) he didn't want it to cause and issue. I had to tell him then and there....i would ALWAYS rather something upset me then have him lie.
So there are pretty much 2 important types of lies that you need to decide on- was he being condisiderate and aware of a mistake, or is this a issue about intention and dishonesty and trust. Because while neither are GOOD, one is worse then the other. Not to say that either are so easy to tend to...but they look differently, you know? One is peppered with remorse, and one is peppered with distrust.
