Brides Helping Brides ™ - xx

Post new topic

Wedding Forums > Brides Helping Brides ™ > xx

jennbaby Posted: Aug 10, 2002 08:18 PM+

jennbaby MEMBER SINCE: 9/01 TOTAL POSTS : 29573 WEDDING DATE: May 17, 2003

Posted: Aug 10, 2002 08:18 PM

xx

Hi ladies.

brooke Posted: Aug 10, 2002 08:58 PM+

brooke MEMBER SINCE: 5/02 TOTAL POSTS : 232 WEDDING DATE: May 17, 2003

Posted: Aug 10, 2002 08:58 PM

Re: Need help in unasking a bridesmaid

If she's not going to be a BM, will she still be coming to the wedding?

michele31 Posted: Aug 10, 2002 09:10 PM+

michele31 MEMBER SINCE: 6/01 TOTAL POSTS : 10673 WEDDING DATE: Nov 02, 2002 WEDDING LOCATION: Tavern on the Green

Posted: Aug 10, 2002 09:10 PM

Re: Need help in unasking a bridesmaid

I would just say, 'As you know our relationship has changed a lot over the last year. I think it is best if we remain friends but that you are not one of my BMs anymore.'
If you never talk to her much I am sure she will be glad that you said something first.

jennbaby Posted: Aug 11, 2002 12:19 AM+

jennbaby MEMBER SINCE: 9/01 TOTAL POSTS : 29573 WEDDING DATE: May 17, 2003

Posted: Aug 11, 2002 12:19 AM

Re: Need help in unasking a bridesmaid

bump.
good suggestion michele, but i wantmore choices please!

Adrienne Posted: Aug 11, 2002 12:25 AM+

Adrienne MEMBER SINCE: 7/02 TOTAL POSTS : 72 WEDDING DATE: Aug 23, 2002 WEDDING LOCATION: dont know yet

Posted: Aug 11, 2002 12:25 AM

Re: Need help in unasking a bridesmaid

I'm your typical non-confrontor but if I had to I would put the decision in her hands. I would say to her....'I've been getting a feeling lately that you don't want to be in my wedding party. I'm totally fine with that because I know its a huge commitment time wise and financially so I will not be hurt or offended if you want out.'
I know its the chickens way out but that's just me. This may lead to a good heart to heart that may actually make you guys closer or could help to give her the boot! I just worry that if not handled delicately the rejection will be so poorly taken that she won't come to the wedding and that may (or may not) make you feel bad in the end.
Good luck...this is a doozy!

jennbaby Posted: Aug 11, 2002 12:33 AM+

jennbaby MEMBER SINCE: 9/01 TOTAL POSTS : 29573 WEDDING DATE: May 17, 2003

Posted: Aug 11, 2002 12:33 AM

Re: Need help in unasking a bridesmaid

see i have decided i just want her out. yes this sounds mean (sorry) but its true.
she may feel the same who knows.
help!!!

Adrienne Posted: Aug 11, 2002 12:48 AM+

Adrienne MEMBER SINCE: 7/02 TOTAL POSTS : 72 WEDDING DATE: Aug 23, 2002 WEDDING LOCATION: dont know yet

Posted: Aug 11, 2002 12:48 AM

Re: Need help in unasking a bridesmaid

I forgot to mention tha my FH has one groomsmen that has not even RSVPd to the wedding. He Has not returned my FHs phone calles re: the tux or anything. So we are just going on about our business and counting him out. People are very strange. I can't imagine what their conversation is going to be like if they ever even have one (with 13 days left ).

For you....if you don't care if she comes to the wedding or not than it makes the conversation that much easier. Just tell her the truth about how you feel (all of it...) and then the ball is in her court. If she chooses not to come than that's her problem.

Just let her know that there has been a change of plans...you've decided to make the BP smaller and unfortunately since she is the one with the least involvement that means she's out. Did she buy the dress yet????

jennbaby Posted: Aug 11, 2002 12:56 AM+

jennbaby MEMBER SINCE: 9/01 TOTAL POSTS : 29573 WEDDING DATE: May 17, 2003

Posted: Aug 11, 2002 12:56 AM

Re: Need help in unasking a bridesmaid

no we go for dresses in November.

KimmieG Posted: Aug 11, 2002 12:59 AM+

KimmieG MEMBER SINCE: 5/02 TOTAL POSTS : 504 WEDDING DATE: Nov 14, 2003

Posted: Aug 11, 2002 12:59 AM

Re: Need help in unasking a bridesmaid

Wow, Jenn!

i was just about to post the same question, but for a groomsman!!! Good Luck to you! I like michelles Idea the best...

Becky Posted: Aug 11, 2002 10:32 AM+

Becky MEMBER SINCE: 12/01 TOTAL POSTS : 2075 WEDDING DATE: Jul 05, 2003

Posted: Aug 11, 2002 10:32 AM

Re: Need help in unasking a bridesmaid

Hi Jennbaby! To be blunt, it doesn't sound like you care to be her friend anymore. If that is the case, then I don't think that you need to be stressed about this. Just tell her that you feel that you have grown apart over the last year and you want to keep your BP limited to very close friends and family. She might be upset with you, but you already said that she doesn't call anymore or make any effort to be involved in your life anyway. So nothing will really change! I had a friend who was part of my high school crowd start to withdraw from us during a time when two of the other girls were getting married. Having her as a BM made for a tense situation and two years later, none of us talk to her. Better to just be upfront with your absentee BM, than explain to your kids that the stranger in your wedding pics is someone mommy used to know

Now I probably sound mean!

Jenny5150 Posted: Aug 11, 2002 11:03 AM+

Jenny5150 MEMBER SINCE: 7/02 TOTAL POSTS : 4177 WEDDING DATE: Sep 20, 2003

Posted: Aug 11, 2002 11:03 AM

Re: Need help in unasking a bridesmaid

Just be honest with her. Why waste each other's time!?! Will you be really upset if you lose her as a friend? (Which will most likely happen.) If you won't shed any tears over her loss, than do it! You'll enjoy your wedding day more. You won't have to deal with your 'friend's' pout on the big day!!!

I went through a similar situation last year. I'm the MOH for a 'friend' and I use that word loosely. I was the one making all the effort to stay in touch and saw nothing come from her end. (Her FH is a big negative influence.) I sent her an email (I could never get in touch with her since she didn't return my phone calls, etc.) stating that I thought it was best if I stepped out of the bridal party. I truly did it for her because I thought she was no longer interested in being friends and I wanted to give her plenty of time to find a new MOH. Well needless to say, that wasn't what she wanted and I'm still the MOH. Things haven't changed much except I make less of an effort now. I won't waste my time.

Now I'm stuck with the dilemma of do I ask her to be in my bridal party out of courtesy because my wedding is 3 months after hers!?! I'm leaning towards no!