'You're not a bridesmaid' HELP!!!!

Ladies, I need your advice!!

and as plentiful and thorough as you can be!
(I would appreciate it)


What do you do or say to a friend who isn't your bridesmaid...

is there a way to stop her from asking?

I dont want to hurt her feelings but I think its really rude that she keeps asking if she is one....

none of the advice in magazines so far has helped....

also - I plan on having a MOH, and 5 BMs (FH's sister and four best friends dating back to hs)

THANKS

Yes I am going to probably have her do a reading or bring up a gift - to be part of the wedding mass...

but I just thought the whole small party excuse didn't work, now that there are six of them....

plus I think she will get really upset and mad when she finds out - which is weird but I just dont want to deal with it...

is there a way to hint at it or have her stop asking me?
maybe talk to her through a friend?

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Posted by NinaChris07

Yes I am going to probably have her do a reading or bring up a gift - to be part of the wedding mass...

but I just thought the whole small party excuse didn't work, now that there are six of them....

plus I think she will get really upset and mad when she finds out - which is weird but I just dont want to deal with it...

is there a way to hint at it or have her stop asking me?
maybe talk to her through a friend?

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I think it might make it worse if she hears it through a friend...but thats just my opinion.....or you could say your FI is only having 6 guys and you don't want it to be uneven???

He is trying to even get to 6....
he might not... bc he isn't into having alot of people...

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Posted by NinaChris07

He is trying to even get to 6....
he might not... bc he isn't into having alot of people...

I just need to be honest and open I guess.. I just dont know how to say it and then I have to run for cover!

She is a bit crazy if you didn't get that from the other posts!

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thats a tough one...sorry

Does anyone have this problem?

Or am I the only one with REALLY rude friends....

I think you should really talk to her yourself.
Tell her between all of your friends and FH family you are really having a hard time picking your party and that if you don't pick her it does not mean that you dont care about her; that she will always be a really close friend and just her presents at your wedding will mean the world to you.

I hope this helps,
Good luck

omg what a tough situation. how close are you guys?

do you have any friends on par with her that are not in the party? then maybe you could say 'i would love to make youa bridemaid, but then it would offend so and so, and i would also have to ask so and so, etc....and i really dont want to get into that situation, so i decided to keep it among hs friends

Thanks that helps...

I have to think of a time and place to do that...

Has anyone else faced this situation?

Has anyone had a non-BM ask them if they are a BM?

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Posted by espresso

omg what a tough situation. how close are you guys?

do you have any friends on par with her that are not in the party? then maybe you could say 'i would love to make youa bridemaid, but then it would offend so and so, and i would also have to ask so and so, etc....and i really dont want to get into that situation, so i decided to keep it among hs friends

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Actually that is a really good idea...

These 4 friends from hs - thats what I always call them - they are my absolute best friends and we have been friends since.. high school, so for a while....

your idea is a good idea bc I know this girl from law school - only for two years and there are a few others - at least one definite other close friend I have from law school who I can point to and say that and then say I can't have a million people!

We are kind of close but too me, she isn't as close as these other friends... but i think to her I am a closer friend....

Everyone is telling me that its rude to ask if you are a BM... is she the only one who has done this?

I have this problem!!!
And to be honest-if it gets bad Im going to have to get a little mean.
An old friend of mine-with whom I only recently started talking to again recently has told a few of my VERY close friends that she is so excited about the wedding-cant wait to go dress shopping and meet the other girls! Mind you I have hinted numerous times that we have chosen our BP and I have all of their measurements, etc.
So-to be brutally honest-just hint certain aspects that if she WAS involved you would say 'US' and since she isnt say 'WE'. Next time you talk to her say 'im really excited-i met with my BP and asked them all...whew that is finally done' Maybe then she will get the hint.

HTH

ETA:It is very rude-it puts you on the spot to say yes...guilt

I really can't understand some people that would just put themself in your wedding.
If I didn't ask you. then your not in it.
If you have to set her down and tell her, by all means do it early so that she'll know before the wedding. If she gets mad at you, then she never was a friend.

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Posted by kismet8601

I have this problem!!!
And to be honest-if it gets bad Im going to have to get a little mean.
An old friend of mine-with whom I only recently started talking to again recently has told a few of my VERY close friends that she is so excited about the wedding-cant wait to go dress shopping and meet the other girls! Mind you I have hinted numerous times that we have chosen our BP and I have all of their measurements, etc.
So-to be brutally honest-just hint certain aspects that if she WAS involved you would say 'US' and since she isnt say 'WE'. Next time you talk to her say 'im really excited-i met with my BP and asked them all...whew that is finally done' Maybe then she will get the hint.

HTH

ETA:It is very rude-it puts you on the spot to say yes...guilt

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Thanks!!!
This helps alot; I appreciate it.

I DO think its really rude, and I don't understand how someone could do that!

See - you said you have hinted and she doesn't get the hints... same with this girl....

So I guess I need to be brutally honest and very blunt...
I will try all these other suggestions first though...

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Posted by Happybride2005

i agree with kathleen...ask her to do a reading. why doesn't she keep asking you about being a bridesmaid

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I probably will ask her to do a reading...
I just thought it was too early to ask all that...

I also thought you can wait like 8 months to a year before your wedding to ask your BMs....

The reason why she asked 3 times (and the answer to your question) - is that the first two times she asked me literally RIGHT after I got engaged and I hadn't asked anyone except my sister to be my MOH....

then, she made a comment like, 'O I told 'Mary' that I don't think I am in your Bridal Party bc you didn't ask me' and then a mutual friend of ours was like 'haha, Nina - hint hint' I just laughed and nodded - which I thought was a CLEAR agreement that she was not in the BP.

The third time she asked was right before I was going to my car and she said - so I am really not in your BP? It really caught my by surprise and I got really annoyed and don't even remember what I said but obviously I wasn't clear enough!!!

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Posted by missgwife

I really can't understand some people that would just put themself in your wedding.
If I didn't ask you. then your not in it.
If you have to set her down and tell her, by all means do it early so that she'll know before the wedding. If she gets mad at you, then she never was a friend.

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i was definitely going to tell her before the wedding, I just thought I had time, because the wedding is more than a year off.

But THANKS - bc that REALLY helps me - when you say if she gets mad then she was never a freind, and so true... so I will definitely remember that...

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Posted by soon2bmrsdunn

I don't really have a helpful answer for you because though my friend did not ask me if she was part of the bp. I knew she would be very offended and probably wouldn't attend the wedding if she wasn't ask. So I sucked it up and asked her. Now I have 8 girls in the BP. A lot I know and in no way am I saying you should do the same. I actually kind of regret it since we are not so close anymore and I haven't spoken to her in over a month. Basically DO NOT do what I did. Good luck and I hope everything works out!

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This helps as well!!!
Thanks; bc I was almost going to ask her just bc she kept bothering me but then I was like, why should I do that.... and not to use you as an example but you even said you would have done it differently - so I will learn from you!
:)

I think you should just subtly mention to her hints - and then if she doesnt get it - then just talk to her and tell her that your FH does not have any freinds to involve - and you do not want to have 2 girls walking in with one guy - then tell her that she can still come to your bachelorette party- and be involved the day of your wedding (a reading, or bringing up the gifts)

HTH!! good luck!