Deceased Parent Invite Wording

I know this has been brought up before, but i'm still confused.

My father passed away almost 25 years ago. My mother never remarried, and we'd both like his name on the invitations.

I was going to write
'Together with their parents,
'brides mom' & the late 'brides father',
and 'grooms father' & 'groom's mother',
'Bride'
and
'Groom'
request the honor of your presence... etc.

I know Emily Post would say this is wrong because a deceased person can't send an invitation, but the invitation's coming from me and FH, and both our sets of parents, and i can't think of any other way to write it. (Also, i want to write out our parents names - i don't want to just leave it as 'together with their parents'.

should i just send it out written as is, and forget about proper etiquette? are people going to get my invite and criticize me for writing it out this way? Does it sound too clunky?

Re: Deceased Parent Invite Wording

You can just write together with their parents and not include names.

I

Re: Deceased Parent Invite Wording

We are doing this:

We request the honour of your presence at the wedding of Ryan daughter of Mr and Mrs SO and SO
& Billy son of Mrs xxxxx and the late xxxxxx on friday the fifth....

You get the point! This was the way we came up with so his dad is mentioned but he is not inviting
HTH

Re: Deceased Parent Invite Wording

I hate to rain on your parade, but emily post is right... a deceased parent, however sad it is, is not here to send an invitation. what you can do however is have your mom put her name as: Mrs. John Smith. Since she has not remarried it includes her while at the same time subtly including your father. it honors your father with out having to put the 'late Mr. john Smith.'

FH's mother passed and we did not put her name on the invite, only his dad. she did however, get the Mass said in her honor, her name in our program and a memorial candle. there are other ways to remember him... i just don't think it's appropriate on an invite, JMO

Re: Deceased Parent Invite Wording

NO ONE will critcize you for writing 'late' on your invitation!!!!!!!!!!

i get plenty of invitations that say sometihng similar to

Mrs. Luisa xxxxxxx, on behalf of herself and of the late Julius xxxxxxx, requests the honor of your presence at the wedding of their daughter, etc.


just because someone's passed away especially a parent who you have 101 memories with and even more so remember during a wedding, i think SCREW ettiquette...that person may not be able to invite ppl to your wedding in reality but they will always be with you in your heart... and everyone understands, i highly doubt someone will see your inviations and freak out because you wrote that...

i see many invitations like that.... were a deceased parent was included

dont stress it!

Re: Deceased Parent Invite Wording

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Posted by tina5203

I know this has been brought up before, but i'm still confused.

My father passed away almost 25 years ago. My mother never remarried, and we'd both like his name on the invitations.

I was going to write
'Together with their parents,
'brides mom' & the late 'brides father',
and 'grooms father' & 'groom's mother',
'Bride'
and
'Groom'
request the honor of your presence... etc.

I know Emily Post would say this is wrong because a deceased person can't send an invitation, but the invitation's coming from me and FH, and both our sets of parents, and i can't think of any other way to write it. (Also, i want to write out our parents names - i don't want to just leave it as 'together with their parents'.

should i just send it out written as is, and forget about proper etiquette? are people going to get my invite and criticize me for writing it out this way? Does it sound too clunky?

---

I put 'late' for my FH's father and frankly I don't care if anyone takes issue with it (a deceased person can't send an invitation etc.). Our wedding is going to be as formal as they come and I still put it b/c my FH wanted it there and I see nothing wrong with it. The only suggestion I have for you is the wording which seems a bit off.
'Together with their parents' wouldn't be followed by the parents names, it would be followed by the bride and grooms names.
If you and your FH are hosting and would like to include your parents on the invite then it is proper to write it this way: Bride and Groom, together with their parents Mrs. Jane Smith and the late Mr. Tom Smith and Mr. and Mrs. Mark Jones request the honour of your presence blah blah blah.
If both parents are hosting, I would say, Mrs. Jane Smith and the late Mr. Tom Smith and Mr. and Mrs. Mark Jones request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their children Bride and Groom.
If grooms parents are not contributing (despite whether Bride and Groom are or not), I would say: Mrs. Jane Smith and the late Mr. Tom Smith request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Bride to Mr. Groom, son of Mr. and Mrs. Mark Jones (and reverse the names if the grooms parents are hosting).
I hope this is helpful.

Re: Deceased Parent Invite Wording

I'm in the same situation with you, and decided to simply state 'together with their parents, bride and groom ....'

I didn't want to draw attention to the fact my father isn't around on the invitation, frankly becuase it's sad... and this is a happy occassion... and it's right, he can't invite anyone, although he WOULD.... so this is the best option to remember him.

It just keeps things tidy and happy.

Re: Deceased Parent Invite Wording

How would you write it if both of us lost a parent. I lost my dad and my FH's dad also passed away so that's a challenge for us.

Re: Deceased Parent Invite Wording

I too am personally putting the late Mr and Mrs on my invitations...both my parents passed away. I am being criticized for the wording and how etiquette says otherwise...guess what...I don't care...and I'll bet most people won't even notice because no one puts as much time into the wording of an invitation as the people directly involved. Another reason I choose to add this information here...I don't want to be approached by a member of Steven's family who did not know my parents are deceased and ask to meet my parents. How awkward that conversation will be on my wedding day...no thanks!!!!

Just my very strong opinion...

Re: Deceased Parent Invite Wording

It is my opinion that people who give advise and quote etiquette have both of their parents. My advise to you is this:
Do as you wish. He was your dad and it is your wedding and F*ck all the dual parented know it all brides. If you feel that you want his name on the invitation put it. Anyone who criticizes you is a hurtful insensitive person.

Re: Deceased Parent Invite Wording

I agree that you can word it however you want but this is what I think I am doing

Tracie XXXXXXXXXXXX
daughter of Patricia and John XXXXXXXXX
and
AndrewXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
son of Susan and the late Joseph XXXXXXXXXX
request the honour of your presence

it gets all parents names in without having the deceased parent requesting your presence...

Re: Deceased Parent Invite Wording

We came across the same issue. FH's mom passed away 4 months ago and we definitely wanted to honor her by putting her name on the invite. Everywhere I searched online basically told me it was wrong to have her name on there. But guess what? It was our decision. My suggestion to you is the following wording:

Jane Elizabeth
daughter of Mrs. Jane Doe and the Late John Doe

and

Joe Smith
son of Mr. & Mrs. Joseph Smith

request the honor of your presence

etc, etc.

Re: Deceased Parent Invite Wording

I found a website that said mentioning the deceased is not customary. They suggested:

Mrs. Jeremy Smythe
requests the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of her daughter
Sarah Katherine
to
Mr. Michael John Williams
at St. Mary's Church, Knightsbridge,
on Saturday 11th September
at 2.30 o'clock
and afterwards at
The Savoy Hotel.

and then to do a gone but not forgotten tribute

but I think if you and your Mom are ok with it then do it, it's your wedding!

Re: Deceased Parent Invite Wording

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Posted by dianadrw

We came across the same issue. FH's mom passed away 4 months ago and we definitely wanted to honor her by putting her name on the invite. Everywhere I searched online basically told me it was wrong to have her name on there. But guess what? It was our decision. My suggestion to you is the following wording:

Jane Elizabeth
daughter of Mrs. Jane Doe and the Late John Doe

and

Joe Smith
son of Mr. & Mrs. Joseph Smith

request the honor of your presence

etc, etc.

---

I plan on using the same format, my father passed away and I am definitely including him on my invitations, I just can't imagine not having him on there. I know etiquette says that since he's not paying for anyone his name shouldn't be on it, but he definitely paid enough by raising me....and I feel like its a tribute to my parents to have their names on my wedding invitation. Please don't let etiquette rules discourage you from doing it how you want to.

Re: Deceased Parent Invite Wording

It turns out that FH & his parents think it's morbid to write 'the late' on the invitation the way i had it above, and that i'm sending the wrong message by writing it that way since the wedding is supposed to be a happy occasion. They think others will find it morbid as well.

i personally don't see that it's 'morbid', although of course i admit it's sad - but, i am sad that my dad can't be there with us. I know he died a long time ago, but it's my wedding and it still hurts that he's not going to be there. Plus i know my mom wants his name on the invite and i don't want to hurt her feelings either.

i may change it to 'Mrs. John Doe' or 'Together with their parents, Tina, Daughter of John and Jane Doe'...

and I was also going to mention him in memory in the church program.

The other thing is we're paying for most of the wedding ourselves, but my mom gave us money towards the reception. His parents are only paying for the rehearsal dinner, but have helped us out alot financially in other ways, so i wanted to include them also out of respect. So i feel like i need 'together with their parents'. But it makes the wording that much more awkward.

This shouldn't be so difficult... i wish i could just send everyone an evite and be done with it.

Re: Deceased Parent Invite Wording

You are right, Tina. It shouldn't be so difficult, but your FIL's seem to have a strong opinion on this. I really did go through the same thing. I basically said, I know its wrong but it means alot to me...and then I walked away. I said it in passing really fast, but got my point across. Tried not to draw too much attention to the situation. Steven stood by me and mentioned to his parents, most people won't even notice when they read it. They will be like...'yeah...wedding...April...oooh...where is this place??? Have you ever been to a wedding there?' No one is going to say...'OMG, I can't believe she put the late so and so on her invitation...so morbid!!!' Really think about it.

The choice is yours ultimately...My FMIL always says to me...'What does Kathleen want?' ...and she is right! I'm sure they all planned their weddings already.

Oh...and I hate the statement the girl wrote above...'Hate to rain on your parade...' I know she didn't mean it that way...but...referring to your parents being deceased...is never, ever a parade...poor choice of words! JMO

Re: Deceased Parent Invite Wording

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Posted by dianadrw

We came across the same issue. FH's mom passed away 4 months ago and we definitely wanted to honor her by putting her name on the invite. Everywhere I searched online basically told me it was wrong to have her name on there. But guess what? It was our decision. My suggestion to you is the following wording:

Jane Elizabeth
daughter of Mrs. Jane Doe and the Late John Doe

and

Joe Smith
son of Mr. & Mrs. Joseph Smith

request the honor of your presence

etc, etc.

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I like that too.... but I personally would omit the word 'late'.... doesn't make a difference whether or not he has passed on....