Stepsister as bridesmaid?

So my stepsister and I are 6 years apart, totally different personalities, and barely ever speak outside of family functions. No exaggeration. The last time I saw her/spoke to her was at a graduation party in June, and we said maybe two sentences to each other. She barely congratulated me on my engagement and never asked anything about the wedding. Our parents started dating when I was 10, so I've known her since she was 3 (she's 18 now), and you'd think we'd be a little closer than we are, but no. She's very cocky and into herself and usually cares about nobody but herself and her friends.

I don't want her in my wedding party because I feel like it would be fake and all for show (kind of like her!) However, I feel like if she's not in the wedding, my stepdad's family is going to be disappointed and think I'm a biatch. Not that I really care what people say or think since it is my wedding, but I'm just really torn about what to do. Is anyone else in this situation??

Re: Stepsister as bridesmaid?

yES! I AM! i'm having 2 cousins in my bridal party and my mom wants me to add one more.... now i have nothing against my other cousin, but i'm just not close to her at all.... we are totally different and i only talk to her at holidays (if that)... i dont know what to do either!

Re: Stepsister as bridesmaid?

can you talk to your mom about it and see if she thinks it's expected? it sounds like a choice between family drama and possible PITA BM drama.

Re: Stepsister as bridesmaid?

My mom says it's completely up to me - she doesn't 'care for' my stepsister either. It's not my mom I'm worried about as much as my stepdad. He obviously knows that we aren't close, but I think he would be happy to have his daughter in my wedding. It just seems unfair to me that I should 'have' to put someone in my wedding just to please people, but I guess sometimes it's what you have to do. Suck it up with a smile on your face. Right?

Re: Stepsister as bridesmaid?

tell your stepsisters family that when they get married, they are more than welcome to have her in their bridal parties, however, this is your wedding, and not theirs... you should have who YOU want in your bridal party....

imagine 10 or 20 years from now, looking at the pictures and wondering WHY this snotty brat is in all of them.

Re: Stepsister as bridesmaid?

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Posted by branflake1229

My mom says it's completely up to me - she doesn't 'care for' my stepsister either. It's not my mom I'm worried about as much as my stepdad. He obviously knows that we aren't close, but I think he would be happy to have his daughter in my wedding. It just seems unfair to me that I should 'have' to put someone in my wedding just to please people, but I guess sometimes it's what you have to do. Suck it up with a smile on your face. Right?

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i'll tell you this--FH has 2 sisters (nothing against them) who are older (40's). many people thought i was crazy for not asking them to be in the BP, but we are not close and they live far away so it would just make so many things more difficult, etc., etc. as a compromise, i'm going to introduce them at the reception with the parents & grandparents. i ordered nosegays for them from the florist to make them feel special. can you find another way to acknowledge her without making her a BM?

Re: Stepsister as bridesmaid?

honestly, if you do not want her in your BP--- DO NOT have her in it. too often i've seen girls on here put someone in their BP cause they felt obligated, and then it becomes SUCH a headache later on. remember, the people you chose to be in your BP are the ones that you feel honored to have stand with you on the day that you become husband and wife....to me that is a huge deal. its the reason why my DH and i had a small BP. it wasn't just about having someone stand pretty in a dress or tux for us...it was about asking the most important friends/family in our lives to do this.

i highly suggest you ask her to do a reading at the wedding instead. that way she is involved in it--but you don't have to worry about her being in the BP itself.

Re: Stepsister as bridesmaid?

As a stepsister who was forced to be in a bridal party (my stepbrother's wife doesn't have a lot of girl friends so when they were trying to decide who to ask, my stepfather pushed pushed pushed her to ask me - even though we're so not close at all) I think your stepsister might actually be happy not to be asked. Being a bridesmaid is a lot of work and money! And I kind of resented it the whole time I had to do it - even though I kept reminding myself it was making my stepfather so happy. But now it is also awkward because I didn't ask her or my stepbrother to be in my wedding - me and FH have a lot of biological sisters and brothers plus really close friends we've known longer than we've known the steps. Maybe you can give her another task at your wedding? It's your day! You want someone your close to - and not someone who might not want to be a bridesmaid any more than you want her to!

Re: Stepsister as bridesmaid?

OMG! Yes, similar situation. I ended up putting fh's live in gf in the bridal party. I stressed out about it for a little bit bc she's a drama queen and she was not happy for us at all when we got engaged. Ofcourse, people said that I shouldn't put her in the bp if i didnt want to. However, this is how I handled the situation. When it comes down to it, it doesnt really matter (to me anyway) that she'll be standing there the day of my wedding or in my pics even if they dont end up togther in the future. Family is important to me and I'm a lil' old fashioned so I 'did the right thing' bc I know it would have upset fh's brother and I just didnt think it was worth it. I didnt put that much meaning behind her being in the bridal party and that's when I stopped stressin' about it. I did it for FH and his family and to me thats a great reason!

Re: Stepsister as bridesmaid?

can she do a reading or something else instead?

Re: Stepsister as bridesmaid?

I wouldn't put her in if I didn't want to. I am having one sister in my wedding and not the other 2. And it is not that I don't love my other sisters, I am probably closer to one of the ones not in then the one I put in it. But it was my choice... Do you have other sisters that you are putting in the wedding? and she is the only one you are leaving out? Ask your mom if she thinks you should talk to your stepfather about it? and maybe the two of you can sit down and talk to him together.
Good Luck!

Re: Stepsister as bridesmaid?

Stepsister and I are both only children, so my other attendants are cousins and friends. So I guess that makes it easier if I don't ask her because it's not like I'm excluding her.

We're having a really simple, non-religious ceremony, so having her do a reading wouldn't really work out. But maybe I can do a little something at the reception like introduce her with my bridal party so that she is acknowledged.

Thanks for all of your input....I was kind of feeling like a biatch for not wanting her in my wedding, but after reading what all you girls had to say, I see there's nothing wrong with wanting what I want.

Re: Stepsister as bridesmaid?

I wouldn't have her in the BP. Only because from the sound of her, I bet she wouldn't even be interested. I wouldn't do it. Save the drama and the headaches.

Re: Stepsister as bridesmaid?

I have the same situation. My stepsister is 4 years older than me. Our parents got married when I was 7. Im not having her in the wedding b/c we are not close. She is very happy for me and we have never had any problems or conflict at all, she is a very sweet person but we dont have that type of relationship so therefore Im not asking her to be in the bridal party. I really dont think my dad and stepmom could be upset about it.

Re: Stepsister as bridesmaid?

1, I LOVE your epics..
2. its your wedding... and hoonestly, you should only have who you are close with in it..because then you will be uncomfortable.

Re: Stepsister as bridesmaid?

It's your wedding so you can do whatever you want !!! Maybe to put it on her you can ask her how she feels about it and explain that you wouldn't be offended at all if she didn't want to be in it and maybe since it seems you two both see your relationship the same way - she more than likely will decline...this can also backfire though so you would know the situation better and how she would respond. Maybe you can give her all the options you have in mind (introducing her, doing a reading and then let her pick etc.)

Re: Stepsister as bridesmaid?

I say it is up to you on who you want in YOUR BP!!!