Advice Please

*Please don't quote.'

Since this is my 3rd attempt and LIW keeps kicking me off, I will try to keep this short and sweet.

Friends of DH and I (married couple) have two young children ages 2 and 3 months. They were in our BP and we felt we were close with them. After the kids were born we never see them anymore. Ok, understandable. Kids can take up all of your time and energy. Got it.

But then there is that evil site called Facebook. I really do love the site but I hate it too. Mainly I just hate that I have to read all about her girl's nights (last night) and his guy's nights and their couple's nights with other friends. Yet DH and I are never thought of or invited.

I guess I tried too hard to get together with them because the guy gave me the boot from his Facebook friends list. Awesome.

I really just want to ask a few questions and get some answers. DH said to not even bother and not say anything. What would you do?

Re: Advice Please

leave it alone. I figure if they dont want to hang with you its their loss. I think maybe realize they just arent that good of friends. In fact i would never even give them that much to keep asking why or try to get answers. They obviously dont want a friendship. No matter what happened before i guess it may be done. I would take them off your friends list.

Re: Advice Please

hmmm...do you know anyone (a common friend) that also goes? if not, i'd let it go because they might not have been the ones to start that. if you do know other people, however, i'd bring it up very casually. people don't always remember to include some people--i'm guessing it wasn't intentional. this is coming from someone that was left out of a girls' night for about a year before i was so angry and i said something; my friends felt terrible!

Re: Advice Please

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Posted by VickiR510

leave it alone. I figure if they dont want to hang with you its their loss. I think maybe realize they just arent that good of friends. In fact i would never even give them that much to keep asking why or try to get answers. They obviously dont want a friendship. No matter what happened before i guess it may be done. I would take them off your friends list.

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That's pretty much what DH said.

Re: Advice Please

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Posted by miamimerger

hmmm...do you know anyone (a common friend) that also goes? if not, i'd let it go because they might not have been the ones to start that. if you do know other people, however, i'd bring it up very casually. people don't always remember to include some people--i'm guessing it wasn't intentional. this is coming from someone that was left out of a girls' night for about a year before i was so angry and i said something; my friends felt terrible!

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When there was the guy's night a few weeks ago, DH is friends with the other 2 guys. We all used to hang.

As far as the girl's go, I wouldn't know any of them. I am new to the state. These people couldn't wait til I moved here because we'd be able to have fun anytime we wanted. She said how we could do girl stuff. The closest thing to that was lunch back in December.

And as far as the Facebook thing goes, I know it was intentional. He changed his name due to career purposes but carried over whatever friends he wanted to keep. I saw I wasn't one of them so I sent a request which was denied.

Re: Advice Please

Awww I;m sorry. If it were me, I would probably ask them if everything was ok and say that i miss their company. DH would say I was an idiot and to let it go though.

Sorry this is happening. Not fun!

Re: Advice Please

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Posted by VickiR510

leave it alone. I figure if they dont want to hang with you its their loss. I think maybe realize they just arent that good of friends. In fact i would never even give them that much to keep asking why or try to get answers. They obviously dont want a friendship. No matter what happened before i guess it may be done. I would take them off your friends list.

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Sorry, but ITA. If they've gone so far as unfriending you on FB I think it's safe to say it's over ... don't demand an explanation from them ... just let it go.

It sucks but I think you should focus your energy on people who care about you and do want to see you!

Hang in there

Re: Advice Please

Why bother......if they don't want to be your friend then move on. As people get older and their lives change their friends change for many different reasons......its really just the cycle of things.

Re: Advice Please

Thanks for your input. I do agree with you ladies. Just that since they were in our BP I'm trying to stay in denial. Everyone else in the BP were blood relatives. At the time they were like family to us. Key words: At the time. Amazing how much can change in 365 days.

And Lauren, you sound like me and your DH is like mine. I think it's just a woman thing.

Too bad life can't be as easy as it is for a guy on a Sunday. Football, beer and no nonsense.

Re: Advice Please

I've had this recently happen to me too, people DH and I have been friends with since high school and it's really hurt me to be cut out. After posting on here and talking to some people I realized that it's not even worth it to ask them about what happened because chances are they'll make up excuses so as not to have any conflict but then keep doing the same old stuff.

Bottom line, you may just need to let them go and stop worrying. You will find new friends who treat you better. Sorry.

Re: Advice Please

I'd let it go and not say anything. Friends come and go. I haven't talked to someone in my BP in months. When people are just too wrapped up in their lives, it's sometimes time to become wrapped up in yours.

Re: Advice Please

I would just not give a f about them since they are treating you badly! If they don't care why should you!?

Re: Advice Please

Thanks again. You ladies are awesome. If anything changes, I will post an update. But until then, moving on!

Re: Advice Please

Sadly yes Friends do come and go, and the ones that want to be in your life and appreciate your friendship will somehow make an effort to speak to you...Atleast you know you tried to hang out with them and get together....
You cant argue/fight about a topic like this, just let it go...sorry you have to deal with this!

Re: Advice Please

you have to step back and be logical.

these people have had their priorities change due to kids and their priorities unfortunately, just may not include you. even if it allows for their other friends. trying to preserve a friendship is great, but sometimes, you have to know when you let one go, even if you dont understand why

now this can be hard since you guys may have been really close but you have to weigh it all out. when we planned our wedding its easy to say no one cares as much about our wedding as we do so they wont care to hear all wedding all the time. I personally believe this goes for babies too. i do not have a kid so i do not know the feelings. now i will absolutely care about how your doing and ask questions but i cannot and will not only have baby discussions once someone is pregnant.... could you be the same way? IF YES, this may have bothered your friend, justified or not.

now ask yourself, is a friendship worth fighting for if they are potentially mad you did not care enough about their baby talks? Did baby stop them from being your friend and finding out whats going on in your life?
Does this person know all about you that you would like them to? If not, then the friendship has evolved, and you have to let go.

im not being harsh, just speaking from experience