Can I vent for a minute?

We live in FIL's house - BIL has the basement and first floor, we have the second floor and finished attic. It either always smells in my apt like smoke or like dog poop from BIL's huge dog that he does not take care of (there have been many many threads about this before). Now that I'm pregnant I'm even more affected by the smell. Today while BIL was in our living room I said once the baby comes he can't smoke in the house. He started telling me I can't tell him what to do and what am I going to do when FIL comes over - am I going to tell him not to smoke in his own house?


My answer was yes. My comfort is one thing but my baby's is quite another. DH never seems to understand me whenever I'm angry about anything in this house. It is disgusting to think that BIL wouldn't care about his own niece or nephew enough not to smoke in the house. He is a horrible person but I never thought I'd have to have a fight with him about this.


Then I was talking to DH after BIL went into his apartment and he wasn't budging at all on this. I said if they smoke in the house we're moving. I know this seems dramatic but really, we're talking about a baby's health here. I get so angry and even more so since DH never seems to be on my side when it comes to issues in this house. Grrrrrr!!!!!


I don't know what to do about this. A 'heart to heart' with BIL or FIL about this will never work. I hate my inlaws!

Re: Can I vent for a minute?

i am hoping that u won't have to worry about this too much longer....

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Ugh that is so annoying of them to behave like this. ITA with you and I would move if the situation wouldnt get resolved. I mean come on, we're talking about a baby, why make it breathe in that filth!

Hope it works out for you

btw, I'm totally freaking out about spending the holidays with DHs family bc whenever theyre all together they smoke like chimneys with the doors and windows closed, I can handle it, but while I'm pregnant I dont want 2nd/3rd hand smoke going to my baby....the holidays are gonna be a blast!

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I hate when people smoke inside when there are people around them, IMO its just rude.

I totally agree with you on this one.
and honestly if I lived in or had something of my ILs and the response was 'blah blah well its theirs'
I would say the EXACT same thing you said.....I don't like things being thrown in my face or having a hold on me.

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I dont think there is ANYTHING wrong with asking them not to smoke. Second hand smoke is worse than first hand for you and baby! The fact that he could care less really shows what a loser he is...

I know...me being pregnant also, your sense of smell heightens and im sure its BAD. The littlest things can smell so strong and make me sick! I would call your FIL and explain to him the situation and Im sure at least HE will understand

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Angela, this is terrible, I am sorry you are going through this. Hopefully, your BIL will come to his senses when he meets his new neice or nephew and will realize he/she deserves clean air!

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That really sucks I'm sorry. Hopefully after the baby is born, DH will be more on your side with this and maybe you guys can can either go about this together or find another place?

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i'm sorry, that really really REALLY sucks. so inconsiderate of BIL. as an ex-smoker (granted it's only been 9 days but i'm proud lol), i can honestly say that it used to bother ME when people smoke inside with no ventilation. I can only imagine how you must feel!!!!

Re: Can I vent for a minute?

Awww Ang im sorry you are going thru this!!!

maybe he is just being stubourn now, but will realize when the baby is here that umm smoking is not a good idea!!
(the way you describe him prob not)

you can come live with me if need be!!!

mwah!!

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You shouldnt even have to ask him not to smoke. Its common courtesy not to smoke around pregnant women and children. Some people just have no common sense. You shouldnt have to have a 'heart to heart' or even talk about it!! Its common sense!!!

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ang im so sorry..this is terrible and dh should def be on ur side..

maybe im a bit drastic and morbid but i get photocopies and books of pics of what second hand smoke can do to a adult and a child and leave them all over the house..like when mike opens the fridge he seees one...he lifts up the toliet seat he sees one...

just to give him a reminder of how bad this can be for both u and the baby

and if still not budging..maybe work out a schedule..u guys not home he can smoke,even though i still think thats wrong

hope u feel better

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SOrry your going through this! i hope one of them listens....i mean BOTH of them listen BIL and FIL dont smoke in the house for the sake of your child....
Inlaws are are trust me, mines are no better.... hang in there

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Im sorry your going through this Ang. When T was born we lived with my mom and she refused to stop smoking in the house and years later she realized how wrong she was. Hopefully he will stop before the baby is born.

Collect all his dogs poop in a brown bag and hide it under his bed

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WOW tough situation. While i totally garee & yes how sensitive your sense of smell does become when you ar eprego is redic. You def need to speak with him again. Speak to him as an Uncle to be! If not then you need to start looking for a aplace quick. I wouldnt & couldnt live with smokein my house ever!

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Get Dh more involved in dealing with his family. He has to share the same concerns as you??? If not give him the ultimatum and live with your family while he comes to his senses and makes his family put your babies health first.
Sorry you are dealing with yet another situation with your BIL!

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I normally don't post advice but this is something that hits home.

My brother was hospitalized at 6 weeks old due to meningitis. Doctors believe this happened from everyone smoking near him at his Christening. Thankfully he made a full recovery and this was in the 80s when no one really thought much about smokers and the health risks to those around them.

Do yourself a favor, for the sake of your child's health and look elsewhere to live.

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This is sooo sad and I'm sorry you're going through this. As a smoker myself, I would never smoke in a house with a child. Maybe he was being stubborn being told he 'couldn't' do something and he'll change his tune once the baby is born. I really hope so.

p.s. I think it's horrid that you have to smell this crap now, being pregnant. He really should have more courtesy and common sense.

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i totally understand the smoking situation you need to put your baby first. good luck is moving an option for you

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Thanks girls. I spoke more to dh about it and he says let's deal with it when the baby is actually here. My BIL loves to aggrivate me so maybe it's more about being a pain to me than actually deciding not to do something I've asked.

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i'm so sorry you have to go through that. my sister is a smoker and refuses to be anywhere near me now when she smokes, which i really appreciate. i can't imagine how uncomfortable that is!