Feeling super guilty about the holidays....

for 26 years ive spent xmas eve with my family--- we dont celebrate xmas day-- we celebrate the eve into the day.

we normally spend xmas eve apart(DH and I)-- this year our parents told us that they dont want to see us alone on xmas eve and that we need to make a choice. I am completely torn about how to make this work.

Re: Feeling super guilty about the holidays....

What does your DH's family do? Can you split the day, go to DH's in the afternoon - early dinner, then come to your house? Maybe?

my family isn't in NY so I have no choice but my family (along with SIL's family) celebrates Eve, Morning and Night at three different places. DH's family only celebrates the day (more like afternoon into dinner) so we're making a new tradition and spending eve together, going to mass at midnight then the morning together as husband and wife.

Re: Feeling super guilty about the holidays....

I am so sorry chica!

We do the same thing...
We always celebrate Christmas on 12/24!!!
We party on Xmas Eve.. then 12/25 its to 'rest' for us...



We Always Get together!...
DH's Family will come this year to our house...
My Family will come to our house too..
this way we wil ALL be together...

Last year we all had to drive to PA so we could all be together too...

Maybe you can get the WHOLE family in ur house with ur hubby!!!

Re: Feeling super guilty about the holidays....

thats how we use to do it then last year we did the eve and day with both families together and we were all happy with that

thanksgiving we spend with mine
easter with his but once we have our house which should be by jan hopefully we can do all the holidays and then we will always all be together cause dh wants to host all of them and im ok with that

Re: Feeling super guilty about the holidays....

This is a challenge for me and DH as well - since both of our families tend to celebrate Xmas Eve much bigger than Xmas day.

Truthfully, it's all going to come down to compromise. Last year, his family got Xmas Eve AND Xmas day... my family got Dec 26th (since it was the weekend).

This year, we're doing my family Xmas Eve and his family Xmas day (even though they don't really celebrate it in a big way).

One family may be disappointed, but set the expectation EARLY that you will be alternating on and off. New traditions will emerge. I know when I have kids, I don't plan on leaving my home. So family will either come see us or they won't. Hopefully your family will be understanding - I'm sure at one point, they had to change things around and make things work until they figured out how to best work the holidays.

Re: Feeling super guilty about the holidays....

Thanks for the support everyone!!! I guess we'll discuss how to make it work!

xo

Re: Feeling super guilty about the holidays....

Dh and I had this problem from day one, as both of our families celebrate xmas eve.
I was happy that my famiy moved things around to celebrate earlier... usually 1pm... then we'd go to DH's family around 6pm.

This year - DH will be working Xmas eve, I plan to stay with my family, though DH still wants me to split the time... can't say as I'd want to go to my SIL's house w/o him.

Re: Feeling super guilty about the holidays....

I feel your pain! This has been rough for us ever since we started dating...we always refused to be apart. I know this is pretty tough for all couples..especially newlyweds!

I've been lucky that DH's family doesn't do a huge Thanksgiving, so we have usually done it with my family. However, this year DH's family is just doing a small thing with immediate family, and I have to compromise and go. (Plus, ever since the shenanigans my Dad pulled at my wedding, I'm not super excited to spend holidays with him anyway right now.) Usually, this would have been no issue since our parents literally lived 5 minutes from each other, but my parents sold my childhood home over the summer and moved out east, making doing both difficult. We'll prob go see my parents before dinner and say hello, so we don't have to make the hour trekk late at night.

As for Christmas Eve and day...both families go all out on the Eve, which makes it hard. We've been splitting and going to his grandparents first and then leaving at like 9:00 and going to my parents (now my aunt's since my parent's moved, luckily she's not far either) and the whole night is watching the clock and rushing around. It's a crazy rush, but unfortunately it's the only agreement that works.

Christmas day we eat dinner with my family...we have breakfast with his after church and open presents with them then....it's really just insanity all around!

Re: Feeling super guilty about the holidays....

I'm Sorry :(


DH and I have never spent a Christmas together. His family is in RI and mine in NY. Our house is in MA. We've always gone to our parents houses for the eve and Christmas. This year we're going to do Christmas eve at his parents house so we're able to wake up in our own house for our first Christmas as a Mr. and Mrs. then drive down to NY early on Christmas morning so I can spend it with my family.

Maybe there's a way to make it work? Like Christmas Eve with your family and Christmas day with his?

Re: Feeling super guilty about the holidays....

Would it be possible to have both of your family's come to your house and celebrate it that way? That way you can start a new tradition and for the first holiday, have everyone be together?

Re: Feeling super guilty about the holidays....

DH and I have been alternating holidays since we first got together.
Both of our families go all out on Christmas Eve - so we both want it to be 'our' year with our respective families - but we always make it work.

Re: Feeling super guilty about the holidays....

I feel you pain. I swear that DH and I fight most about the holidays. He is always such a scrooge about compromising

Good luck. You two will figure out what works best for you

Re: Feeling super guilty about the holidays....

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Posted by PazzaRagazza

for 26 years ive spent xmas eve with my family--- we dont celebrate xmas day-- we celebrate the eve into the day.

we normally spend xmas eve apart(DH and I)-- this year our parents told us that they dont want to see us alone on xmas eve and that we need to make a choice. I am completely torn about how to make this work.

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I would split the day. You shouldnt have to choice. I would do dinner at one house and dessert at the other...do you do feast of the seven fishes? Maybe you can tell one to start a little later than the other so you can nibble and both

Re: Feeling super guilty about the holidays....

Splitting the holidays sucks! If both of your families celebrate Christmas Eve maybe you can do everyother year with each family? This year do Christmas Eve with your family and Christmas Day with DH's - next year do the opposite? I hope you can come to a good decision that makes everyone happy

Re: Feeling super guilty about the holidays....

oh no! Can you and DH maybe do part at his parents house and then the rest at your parents house..like split the day?? Or does DH's family celebrate christmas day? maybe you could do your parents on the eve and his on the day