has your husband punched a wall?

I've been on this board from time to time, just seeking advice anonymously because I'm a little embarrassed. My husband has twice punch holes in our walls when we argue. The first time was about a year ago, the second time was yesterday. Honestly, the first time I don't remember what we even argued about, and even yesterday wasn't something that was that big of deal, it was something I brought up, I was mad at him and he wasn't even that mad at first, but as I continued to harp on him about it, he got frustrated and punched a wall.

He's never tried to hurt me but I'm concerned. The last time he did this he said it wouldn't happen again. Now it's happened again. He apologized last night but I don't really want him to think everything's okay and then he'll do it again.

This doesn't happen every time we argue, but even on a rare occasion, it's disturbing.

Has anyone had this happen, and if so, how did you deal with it so it wouldn't happen again.

I forgot to also mention, he's had a few road rage incidents with me in the car. Where he'll start driving erratically if we're arguing while he's driving. One occasion was very scary where it was raining and he was swerving in and out of lanes and almost into a few trees.

Re: has your husband punched a wall?

How about looking into anger management counseling? I agree that this is pretty scary, and since most of us are not experts in this kind of thing why not get him to talk to someone that is. HTH

Re: has your husband punched a wall?

my hubby did that! 2 hole in our doors!!
i dont get how someone can get soo angry! over nothing...
it happend while he was drunk...but not that thats really an excuse!

im not trying to say its a good thing or ok...
but part of it is just cuz he is a matcho guy!!!

Re: has your husband punched a wall?

The punching holes in the wall scares me, but we all fly off the handle and do stupid things from time to time (although twice makes me wonder).
But driving wrecklessly is unacceptable. He could have killed the both of you or someone else. I agree that many people (guys in particular) do not know how to manage their anger, but it is no excuse to put your lives at risk. Tell him how his outbursts make you feel. If it continues I agree anger managment should be strongly suggested. Lots of to you.

Re: has your husband punched a wall?

I agree with what the prior posters said, but just wanted to add that if he won't go for counseling, you should consider talking to someone on your own.

Best of luck!!

Re: has your husband punched a wall?

DH has punched a door before and there have been times when he's broken his things, like a cell phone, because he's thrown them when he gets angry. It's no secret on here that he had a REALLY rough childhood. A lot of it is the fact that now that he is with someone who allows him to be himself he feels safe expressing a lot of feelings he could never express when he was growing up. After two years of it not going away we talked about him going back to therapy to try to work it out with a professional. He's been going for a few months now and so far it's really helped. The anger is still there, but he's not throwing things or stomping around or slamming doors anymore.

I told my husband that right now it's ok for him to be angry because he is expressing 26 years of pent up anger from abuse and abandonment by his parents, but 5 years from now when we want to have kids it's not acceptable. I can handle it because I know where it's coming from, but we both grew up with angry parent(s) so we know how unhealthy it is. Kids will wonder why Daddy is always angry with them and what they did wrong. It's the one thing I would divorce him over because I'm not letting any more kids grow up like that. It was a little extreme because in reality he is probably the sweetest person I know (and he will be an amazing father), he's just got a childish temper because his parents suck, but I don't want it to grow and get out of control. Anyways, he got the point.

I'm not sure if your DH has similar issues as mine does, but also I think he would benefit from anger management or a therapist.

Sorry for the long post, I hope it helps.

Re: has your husband punched a wall?

My husband is an extremely even tempered person but I definitely have anger problems. If I could punch a wall without breaking my hand, I probably would when I get really upset. Its embarrassing to admit, but I often throw things and flip out over small matters. The only thing I can suggest is that he should probably go into counseling. The anger is most probably stemming from something that happened in his childhood and he is going to have to understand his anger before he can overcome it. I really hope everything works out and he has success in controlling his temper.. I know firsthand how hard it is to have so much anger inside.

Re: has your husband punched a wall?

I would start off by talking to your DH. Maybe writing a letter and tell him what is bothering you.
The road rage can be VERY dangerous. I think you need to be honest about how it scares you and hurts you.

Re: has your husband punched a wall?

my hubby did that to our bedroom door in our apartment. he woke up w/ beautiful makeup and nail polish on his toes...he was NOT happy lol

Re: has your husband punched a wall?

my husband has punched a wall. he flies off the handle all the time. actually on our honeymoon- just last week- we were at the rent a car place in Europe and there were problems. well he was causing a scene and acting like a child. i told him to shut up quietly. and he punched a granite counter as hard as he could- in front of everyone in the store. hahahaha then he complained the rest of the time that he broke his hand and might need surgery.

Re: has your husband punched a wall?

Nope. And I've seen him rather angry...my BROTHER actually has a lovely habit of this...it certainly happens with people that don't know how to control their anger. I wish I had advice for you but my brother is 34 and still at it...therapy could help or it could be his way of venting.

The punching of objects I could deal with--the road rage needs to be addressed...and ASAP.

And to you:

Please get him the help he needs!

Re: has your husband punched a wall?

Umm No. My husband has never done this. i think that your husband should definitely seek some anger management counseling. If he doesnt i fear it may increase to much worse. I mean putting you rlife in danger is in my opinion just as bad as him actually hitting you. Good luck i hope it works out.