How do you know if someone didn't give a gift vs. lost or stolen gift?

Sorry, crashing from engaged bored lol, hope no one minds!

I was thinking about this though and saw some posts here regarding people not bringing gifts to the wedding . . . How do you actually know if someone brought NOTHING vs a card or gift being misplaced or even stolen? It just doesn't seem entirely impossible for a gift or card to get lost or stolen during a busy wedding.

Did any of you 'investigate' when you didn't even get so much as a card from guests? I'm wondering how exactly this situation would be handled . . . It really shocks me to think that people go to weddings with no intention of giving a gift! How could someone be so rude and clueless??? I'm hoping we don't have to deal with this!

Re: How do you know if someone didn't give a gift vs. lost or stolen gift?

I was pi$$ed and text them/called them myself and said 'We went through the cards and didnt see your name....we were worried that your card got lost or something and wanted to let you know so that you could cancel the check' My DH thought I was being bold, but I dont care!!! I think its rude to just come to a wedding and not bring anything.... not even a card. I dont care if the card had $10 and thats all they could afford.... just a card is fine... but nothing?? No way!!!! I would never do that to someone... so I did not hold back and started investigating lol

Re: How do you know if someone didn't give a gift vs. lost or stolen gift?

This happened to us - we didn't see a card from my uncle or from a really close friend (DH had been in his wedding party a year earlier). Given that these 2 cards from really close people were missing, we really thought we had lost 2 cards. So we called our friend, because we are so close we figured he could not get offended and if a check was lost or stolen he would totally understand. As it turns out, they forgot to bring our card to the wedding and were just planning to give it to us next time we went out for dinner. So then we knew my uncle's card probably wasn't lost either. We had my mom bring it up and he told her he was going to put it in the mail, he also forgot to bring it to the wedding. We were glad we called everyone!

Of course, if we weren't close to the person at all(like some famiy friend we had to invite) we might not have called.

Re: How do you know if someone didn't give a gift vs. lost or stolen gift?

In our case the guy admitted not getting us a gift when dh brought up something related to that but not directed towards him. He said he would get us something but knowing how he is I am certainly not expecting it.

Re: How do you know if someone didn't give a gift vs. lost or stolen gift?

We had a friend that 2 days before the wedding called and said that he couldn't afford a gift so he wasn't going to come! Hubby told him 'tough crap' we paid for you and your date already - your coming.

And...one of our groomsman didn't give us a gift either - he sees us all the time and never says a word about it, no apology, nothing, not even a card!

Re: How do you know if someone didn't give a gift vs. lost or stolen gift?

DH thought he had lost a few cards so he called his friends and they 'did not get around to it yet' He is really hurt!

Re: How do you know if someone didn't give a gift vs. lost or stolen gift?

This happened to me, my first cousin didn't give us anything...I have not had the nerve to call him to ask him if it was 'lost' I am just going to let it go. It's not like his character, but I just can't bring myself to call him or email him pretending I can't find his card, I'd rather be out the gift and save myself the embarrassment of asking for one.

Re: How do you know if someone didn't give a gift vs. lost or stolen gift?

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Posted by xosweetiexo

I was pi$$ed and text them/called them myself and said 'We went through the cards and didnt see your name....we were worried that your card got lost or something and wanted to let you know so that you could cancel the check' My DH thought I was being bold, but I dont care!!! I think its rude to just come to a wedding and not bring anything.... not even a card. I dont care if the card had $10 and thats all they could afford.... just a card is fine... but nothing?? No way!!!! I would never do that to someone... so I did not hold back and started investigating lol

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so did anyone actually send anything after this?

just wondering bc we had QUITE a few not give anything at all .. but for some I really was worried stuff got lost bc it seemed out of character. at this point I'm not really caring anymore. . excpet my cousin bc she gave NOTHING after asking if she could bring her daughter when kids werent really coming and me caving and saying yes so THREE plates and nothin. . oh well . .even a card with NO money would have made me think they cared

Re: How do you know if someone didn't give a gift vs. lost or stolen gift?

I did not send thank you notes to the people who did not give gifts, I know some people did, and it's a nice gesture, but I did not.
If they gave me a gift that went missing, they could say, 'we never got a thank you'
We did not get gifts from quite a few people.
It kind of hurt my feelings, but I guess some people don't feel the need.
This includes and uncle,cousin, friends, and so forth.
We did have two receptions, so I guess people thought if they were at the west coast reception a gift was not in order.
(I'm really ok with the friends who did not give anything, but the family suprised me!)

Re: How do you know if someone didn't give a gift vs. lost or stolen gift?

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Posted by meara

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Posted by xosweetiexo

I was pi$$ed and text them/called them myself and said 'We went through the cards and didnt see your name....we were worried that your card got lost or something and wanted to let you know so that you could cancel the check' My DH thought I was being bold, but I dont care!!! I think its rude to just come to a wedding and not bring anything.... not even a card. I dont care if the card had $10 and thats all they could afford.... just a card is fine... but nothing?? No way!!!! I would never do that to someone... so I did not hold back and started investigating lol

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so did anyone actually send anything after this?

just wondering bc we had QUITE a few not give anything at all .. but for some I really was worried stuff got lost bc it seemed out of character. at this point I'm not really caring anymore. . excpet my cousin bc she gave NOTHING after asking if she could bring her daughter when kids werent really coming and me caving and saying yes so THREE plates and nothin. . oh well . .even a card with NO money would have made me think they cared

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Yea, I actually got 2 more in the mail and cashed them ASAP lol!!! But, I am still missing one and doubt I'll get it. I just dont get some people.... I would never do that to someone (and its like they couldnt afford it)......

Re: How do you know if someone didn't give a gift vs. lost or stolen gift?

We had 3 unaccounted-for 'envelopes.' One from a good friend, one from a groomsman, and ONE FROM MY MOH!!!!

We called the first two and just said, 'We were going through our cards to make sure we didn't lose anything and we didn't see one from you so we're hoping it didn't get stolen or lost, especially if there was a gift inside.' They both told us they forgot their cards at home on the kitchen table. We got one the other day, still waiting on the other.

As far as my MOH, she's young, (22 and I'm 31) and I haven't approached her about it yet. She's in college, as is her new fiance, so I know they don't have the money, but to not even give a card? Seems strange. I will ask her about it when thank-you cards arrive, or maybe even sooner. I'm not worried about offending anyone. It's expected that you give a card at a wedding. I'd want someone to tell me if they didn't get mine so I could A) check and make sure it didn't get in the wrong hands or B) save face and tell them I forgot it at home and give it to them at a later date.

SO, long story, even longer. I'd call!

Re: How do you know if someone didn't give a gift vs. lost or stolen gift?

We had many people 5-6 who didnt bring any gifts.

Re: How do you know if someone didn't give a gift vs. lost or stolen gift?

I don't think there is any way to really tell unless you do ask...I had one friend and her husband tell me that they forgot our gift and would send it as soon as they got home. It's now over a year later and nothing I was really hurt that she didn't even give me a card...I've known her for over a decade. Now, I don't talk to her that much any more because I guess I'm still hurt over it. I went to her wedding a number of years ago and gave a nice gift....I don't get people...I would never, and have never, gone to a wedding or any event and not give a gift. I would be so embarassed.

Re: How do you know if someone didn't give a gift vs. lost or stolen gift?

They say if you didn't get a gift you send a thank you card anyhow saying thank you for attending my wedding and not mentioning the gift. Often that makes them say... oh ****, I forgot to give them something. I don't think you should approach them though since they technically have a year to give you a gift.

More annoying is DH's close relatives who didn't come and didn't send a card or gift or anything.