relationship question

okay, so we are all happily married now....but i have a question...

did you ever have a turning point in your life where you questioned your relationships (with men) and thought of what was going good/bad.....

i mean before you and DH were dating...when you were dating others or just single.

was there a time in your life that you can recall when you had a self-reflection about what you wanted from a mate??

if so, what was it? how did your thinking put you on the path to meet DH?

Re: relationship question

i guess ill answer first....

sorry deleting 4 lurkers.....

Re: relationship question

i was dating someone when i became friends with DH. we worked together. and the closer we got as friends, the more i realized my current boyfriend was NOT what i wanted. i always kind of knew it, mostly b/c he was abusive, but needed the push. so when the opportunity arose, we jumped on it. knew that we had so much fun together and now we are happily married with our little angel!

Re: relationship question

I dated a guy for 3 years all through law school that I kept trying to 'save' because he had been physically abused as a child by his father. I tried everything to make him feel cared-for and put him first the entire time we were together, and even after we stopped 'dating,' I tried being a friend he could really count on and trust. He treated me like complete sh!t the entire time. Because of him, I turned my back on friends to try to 'prove' to him that I could be trusted, and I let him walk all over me. He'd throw things, call me names, etc. (never put a hand on me, thank goodness). I had no self-esteem at all because I was trying so hard to make up for what this creep had been through as a child. I let him do to me what his father had done to him, only emotionally.

Once he was out of my life, I started enjoying being single. I went out with friends, and started living for ME for once. It was at my happiest, most independent point in my life that I met DH. When i wasn't even 'looking,' per se.

DH is everything in another person that I had forgotten could exist. Kind, considerate, truly beautiful inside and out, and he loved me without hurting me. He still does and I know he always will.

In reflection, it was after seeing the darkest days of my life emotionally that I was able to break out and shine. My life has been wonderful ever since. I don't devalue that time because I may never have realized what I was looking for in life if I hadn't gone down that awful path before.

Re: relationship question

I don't think I knew what I was looking for until it landed in my lap. I dated 2 guys in particular who weren't good for me. They just brought out my worst qualities and I brought out their worst qualities (I'm still friendly with both of them and consider them decent people even if they were horrible b/fs for me!) and no one was happy.

DH just brings out the best in me. He encourages me try new things, he doesn't let me take myself too seriously, and he doesn't let a day pass where he doesn't tell me how much he loves me. I consider myself very lucky to have found a guy like him!

Re: relationship question

I was dating someone when I met DH. The guy I was dating at the time was for 4 years, we were high school sweethearts and I think we both just got comfortable with each other, we were more like friends then boyfriend/girlfriend. We had dated so long I think neither of us wanted to break up or just thought everything was fine. We were in denial. Things weren't great, we were fighting and just not interested in one another. Dh and I got really close during this time and I realized what an amazing guy he was. I broke it off with the bf and started dating DH immediately.

Re: relationship question

I’ll be honest, I was pretty miserable before I met DH. I was tired of all the people I was meeting/dating and actually started praying to St. Teresa to help me find the right one. No joke, a couple of months after I started praying, I met DH and he is everything I ever wanted in a man.

Re: relationship question

i was in a relationship 1.5 years before i met DH and it was completely wrong. neither of us were happy, fought all the time, etc... so i ended it. for the next 1.5 years, i dated a lot of guys and was enjoying myself, but then i got really bored and i wanted to find 'the one' and just settle down. soon after i met DH and the rest is history! but those 1.5 years def made me realize what i wanted and needed in a mate after meeting so many diff types of guys.

Re: relationship question

I was dating one of DH's friends for a little over 2 years, and DH & I were best friends throughout that time. My boyfriend and I had a horrible relationship - It started out amazing but over the years, it was just bad. So much fighting. DH always comforted me even though it was his friend since 1st grade. We liked each other so much but of course we couldn't do anything because I was dating his friend.

I had lost my grandmother who I was extremely close with just a few weeks before this guy and I had started dating. DH lost his mother the year before, so he knew what it was like to lose someone very close obviously. It was something we bonded over, honestly. He was always there for me, and my boyfriend wasn't. The turning point in the relationship with this guy was one night we were fighting because I was upset about my grandmother - it was about a week before the 2 year mark of her death, so naturally I was upset - and he yelled at me and told me that I should 'get over it already and I should ask Dom how he got over his mother's death because I shouldn't be upset still 2 years later.'

I literally never looked at him the same again, and I just became quiet and my world became still. I couldn't believe those words could come out of his mouth. He said other things, but those were the ones that stung the most. I stayed with him another month but the last month, I did whatever I wanted instead of letting him control me like he always did. Then I left him for Dom (my DH).

Re: relationship question

Yup.

The turning point came during a trip I made to Florida. My grandmother had passed away toward the beginning of 2004; my family and I attended her funeral in Florida at that time. She was cremated though, and since my parents and sister were moving to Florida in the summer of 2004, we waited until then to do a small ceremony where we scattered her ashes.

Well.

The same week where we planned to do this ceremony, Hurricane Charlie hit the exact town that my parents and sister were living in. I had very little contact with them for about a day...doesn't sound like that long of a timeframe, but a day is LONG when something like that strikes.

So my trip was still on, for me to head to FL for the small ceremony for my grandma but I now also was going to help my parents and sister move into a temporary apartment. Pretty much the crappiest thing to go through...bring up the grieving process again in regard to my grandma, and move my family from a DESTROYED home into an apartment, in Florida, in August, 100 fcuking degrees outside.

My ex called me...ZERO TIMES while I was there. We were together for 3+ years and he called me NOT ONCE to see how everything was going. His excuse was 'I wasn't out having fun, I was WORKING this weekend'

I kicked his fat @ss to the curb after I came back to NY.

Never looked back.

A few months later I started dating DH...he has never, and I'm sure will never, abandon me in a time like that. My aunt passed away shortly after we started dating...it was the first time DH ended up meeting a lot of my family, and he was there for me and to help my family with rides to the airport and such...so different. So, so different.

Re: relationship question

When I was way younger, my first serious relationship was for 4 years with someone who at first seemed like an OK guy, but as the relationship progessed, I realized he was a liar, cheater and was verbally abusive to me.

He isolated me from my family and friends and I slowly lost my identity. He convinced me that I was not much to look at. He would tell me that I was lucky that I had him, coz no one would be interested in loving me. It wasn't until 1 month into moving in together that I kicked him to the curb.

After that, it took me about 2 years to recover and find myself again. I wasn't even interested in dating or being in a relationship. I slowly got back into trying to seek Mr. Right, but never got involved serioulsy with anyone.

In the summer of 2006, I decided 'you know what I am going to do me and not even think about meeting anyone'. I even had a conversation with God and said 'dude, please help me in trying to find a good decent man...you know I have been through a lot, so please put in my life someone who will be the man for me.'


About a week after making that decision and having the straight talk with God, I met DH. He said it was love at first sight for him, but for me I took it easy. He eventually won my heart. He is the most caring, loving and sensitive individual I have ever known. I am so lucky that I found the love of my life. It took me a long time to do so, but I am so thankful that I did.

Re: relationship question

I dated someone for 6.5 years, we were like 16 or 17 when we started dating, so everything wa good the first couple years. Then in college I actually cared about my career and stuff, he only cared about playing video games every friggin second of the day. When I graduated and started working I realized since we started dating so long ago he became a habit and I really did not love him or even like the person he was and it had been a while since I had. I just didn't know any different and never paid much attention to what was important to me. I met someone (already knew this person, but went talked to him the day I finally dumped the other guy) and we dated for 6 months. I was head over heals for him but he had baggage... but it showed me how I deserved to be treated and got me thinking. He broke my heart bad and took me forever to get over him but i realized then what I wanted, who I was, paid attention to MY interests, met some guys but no one was good enought until like 4 years later when DH came along!!

Re: relationship question

i was honestly yoo young to be thinking about life/mates in that way... I was 17 when I met DH... the bf before him treated me like crap/talked to girls behind my back/probably cheated... we would get into physical fights- pushing shoving etc... wasnt good

Basically i was out to find someone who wasnt my ex i guess... my ex bf before the cheating one treated my like gold, but i was too young to realize how good i had it... so i guess I tried to find someone like that bf instead...

Re: relationship question

i was with a guy for 5 years before dh..from when i was 15 to when i was 20..the last two years he was really bad towards me...stood me up..lied..make excuses not to see me..even at one point when he said we should only see each other once a week till he got his head figured out..and when i did see him he only wanted sex..

found out later he cheated on me the whole time and he finally dumped me for a rockett..true story

anyways after him..i vowed to never ever let someone treat me like that again..and i wont

Re: relationship question

I had 4 long-term relationships (the shortest was 2 years and the longest 10 years) and a bunch of 'quickie' relatonships before I met DH - even an engagement I called off.

I can honestly say that each time a relationship ended, I don't think I ever said 'I need to be in a relationship with a guy who does X' it was more like each relationship taught me what I DIDN'T want in a permanent mate.

Re: relationship question

My relationship before DH. It ended 2 weeks before I met him but had been pretty much over for months.
I wanted to be #1.
I was 3 months from 40 but didn't want to settle.

DH makes me #1 even with a busy job and two daughters.

Lesson: Never settle!

BTW: The ex called 3 months later and I think he thought I'd take him back (again; we broke up once). They all come back but not for the right reasons!

Re: relationship question

DH was my first proper bf, but I basically had like a year and change period (freshman year of college through almost all of first semester sophomore year) when I saw a lot of guys...nothing really serious...but enough to know what I wanted and didn't want. First guy broke my heart, took advantage of me, really messed me up...still not over it...second guy turned out to be a creepy stalker that probably had serial killer tendencies so nipped that one in the bud pretty quickly...third guy was just a friend but I felt like it could have turned in to more, but then he moved back home...and there were quite a few other losers in the mix. So when I met DH I knew that he had the positive attributes I was looking for, and that a lot of those guys had, and not really many of the negative ones...though now I realize that he has a LOT of the same attributes as guy #1/el doucho, so I think it's a bit of a karmic joke on me or something.