Rough Patch

DH and I are hitting a rough patch....I dont know what to do anymore, and I feel like giving up. Im sick and tired. I feel our issues stem from his lack of communication....he never just listens to me.
Its at the point where, he seperated his laundry right now and took all of his stuff, and went off w/ the laundry himself, and I said what about mine? and his reply was go do it your f*cking self....

We both have a laundry list of complaints now with each other...and anytime I tell him how hes behaving or acting and its bothering me...his reply is so, get over it, its not that serious, etc etc....

I am so turned off by his attitude and vice versa we havent had sex in 2.5 weeks (which is HIGHLY unusual for us)....

I hope my marriage is not falling apart, when we fight we usually get over it that same day, or a day or two....however, underlying issues have been stemming for a while now and now I just feel conused/regretful/sad/angry......

There are no MAJOR issues here. None of us has cheated. I guess its just a personality conflict. I think he is exteremly unappreciative.

Re: Rough Patch

i think everyone goes through this at some point in their relationship. that's great that there are no MAJOR problems, this sounds like something the two of you just need to talk out--either with each other or with the help of a counselor.

Re: Rough Patch

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Posted by miamimerger

i think everyone goes through this at some point in their relationship. that's great that there are no MAJOR problems, this sounds like something the two of you just need to talk out--either with each other or with the help of a counselor.

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Couldn't have said it better myself.

Re: Rough Patch

Im sorry to hear this. I think every relationship goes through a rough patch either before marriage or during marriage. I think maybe you should sit down & suggest marriage counseling. If he refuses ask him what is bothering him. Let him talk even if its things about you, you dont want to hear. Let him know you are open to hearing his complaints no matter what they are. Then after that you can ask him to let you say what you need to. HTH

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Posted by Lsorrent

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Posted by miamimerger

i think everyone goes through this at some point in their relationship. that's great that there are no MAJOR problems, this sounds like something the two of you just need to talk out--either with each other or with the help of a counselor.

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Couldn't have said it better myself.

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I totally agree. The books by John Gottman were recommended to me and I think they are really helpful. They haved help us work on our own communication issues. My DH and I have had some communication issues we have been working on. I think some men have a hard time opening up.

Re: Rough Patch

i'm so sorry you're going through this right now ... as the others have said, if you want to save your marriage you need to sit down with your DH (and possibly a counselor) and talk about everything.

Re: Rough Patch

We definitely go through phases like that, I completely understand where you're coming from. Both of us have very strong personalities and it just causes conflict at times. We both committed to taking a step back when this happens and remembering that we're a team, not opponents, in life.

Re: Rough Patch

There is a good book called 'Hold Me Tight' - highly recommend it.

Also, what about therapy?

Re: Rough Patch

i dont know a couple who has not gone through this in some way or another, I would highly suggest a girls weekend you need to get away from eachother and have your own time to miss him and figure out whats important you cant do that when you are in eachother faces nit picking and just getting annoyed.. go away!!!!

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Posted by PROBM

i dont know a couple who has not gone through this in some way or another, I would highly suggest a girls weekend you need to get away from eachother and have your own time to miss him and figure out whats important you cant do that when you are in eachother faces nit picking and just getting annoyed.. go away!!!!

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Agreed-this is great advice!

You and your DH will get through this

Re: Rough Patch

Thanks everybody I will be lookin in to some of the books. WE had a heart to heart talk yesterday, and I told him what I feel and vice versa...so we kissed and made up! ...and agreed to work on certain things....

I feel a lot better....

Re: Rough Patch

It's normal for people to go through rough patches like this. When you've been with someone forever it's only natural. The key is to not rush into anything like a divorce but to try out other options first.

Do you think it's possible to sit down with your DH to talk about maybe when all of this started? Maybe you can just ask him questions to let him get out his frustrations to talk without responding harshly (if at all) to him. Then once he's done that, you can say how you feel and hopefully because he's had a chance to vent he'll listen. In the past if DH and I have had a major fight that has something else going on, we have taken turns explaining exactly why we were upset and they either turn into long long conversations or we talk for 30 minutes over the course of the day/week and eventually work it out that way.

If that doesn't work, do you think DH might object to couple's counseling? I know that almost seems like a dreaded curse word, but think of the therapist more like a mediator. You obviously need to talk some things out, and he/she will help you do that.

I'm sorry you guys are going through this right now. Regardless of what happens, things will work out for the best.

Re: Rough Patch

If you feel like it's getting to THAT point I'd suggest seeing a marriage counselor. It's hard to continue a relationship with someone when there are so many other issues that you are holding against them from the past.

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Re: Rough Patch

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Posted by miamimerger

i think everyone goes through this at some point in their relationship. that's great that there are no MAJOR problems, this sounds like something the two of you just need to talk out--either with each other or with the help of a counselor.

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Totally agree. It can't be all sunshine and rainbows all the time! Hope it passes soon!