venting and saddish

Back in February, I cut all my hair off. I had beautiful, long dark hair but I was just so sick of it...wanted something new. I had never had it any other way. I got it cut like a longish layer bob, but it was definitely short - a good 4 inches above my shoulders.

Well my husband hated it. Like BADLY. He was extremely mad..wouldnt' even talk to me for a day. It was ridiculous and of course made me feel really badly. He continued hating it and has never let me forget it. This is a major point of contention for us and I still cannot believe how he has and is behaving. Anyway....as time went on I started to not like it. More than likely because he constantly has something to say - whatever the case is, I want to grow it, but it's taking a long time. In the meantime, I go to get the front shaped, get it blown out, etc. Never touch the length. Well I just got home from a salon visit, and they cut some layers in to frame my face a little, and I had it blown pin straight, and I felt really good. I came home and bumped into my husband, who looked at me, raised ONE eyebrow which I HATE, and said - 'looks like you got it cut', and I said 'I didn't' and he just said 'whatever' and smirked and left.

I am so upset. I wonder if it has ever occurred to him that I dont' like my hair either and I am trying to make the best of it? Or has he thought that maybe being 5 months pregnant, gaining a pound a day that I might need a 'your hair looks nice'? I mean LIE if you have to. Would it kill him to just LET IT GO?!? Sometimes I just think how unfair he can be...


It will blow over. Thanks for letting me vent.

Re: venting and saddish

I think it bothers you more b/c of pregnancy hormones

I am sure your hair looks good both ways

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if DH did that to me I'd let him have it...a few tears would be good too...

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tears shouldn't be hard to summon Erica. It's just that it's gone on now for SO long. I feel like I am paying some kind of life sentence for a haircut.

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Jenny, did you tell him this is how you felt, I am hurt reading your post. Why would a haircut make you any less beautiful of a wife. Please don't feel bad sweetie. Please speak to your hubby and let him know that you would like to hear something nice sometime and that it does not help to make you feel any better with his little remarks. Chin up you are beautiful w/o long hair.

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I’m not pregnant, and a few weeks ago I blew up at DH . He likes my hair long, but I don’t love it. I grew it for the wedding and haven’t been happy since. Well I told him I needed to do it for me, and that it was my hair, and I didn’t think it flattered me, and so on. It really didn’t take much convincing…in the end I love my new style, and he likes it too.

I am sorry that your husband doesn’t like it, but hey its your hair!!

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I am going to tell him tonight. I know he knows it makes me mad. Maybe he doesn't know it makes me so sad now though...I feel so silly with my stupid hair that won't grow.

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I know it sounds childish, but I would pick out something you don't like about him and start harping on it continually. I mean, seriously, it is only hair! Switch it up: if he were going bald, would he like you pointing it out all the time.

Men are such boobs sometimes!

P.S. I am sure your hair looks great!!!

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You poor thing..
Im sure you look fine.. Men do have their 'moments'.

I just point out to mine that he has only so few hairs left.. that he can't dictate the thousand I own.

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Definitely tell him. It's not right that he's making you feel bad, and if he realizes just how hurt you are, maybe he'll think twice before criticizing you again.

I bet your hair looks beautiful!

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I think a talk should be good...he probably does it to get a rise out of you...but doesn't realize it hurts unless you tell him...

he may even think that its ok...since you didn't like it either...

just remember hair grows...sooner or later...

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I would definately talk to him. That is just being mean what he is doing. I don't think he would appreciate it if the tables were turned. These boys need to understand that the long porn star hair is so not reality! (Not saying that you had porn star hair before or anything! ) Just in general they are all ga-ga over long hair and if for a minute they had to deal with more than toweling off after a shower, I think they would get it. Especially with the little one on the way, you will be able to feel much better about yourself if it only takes 5 minutes to take care of a short do than not being able to take care of your hair because it is too long and time consuming. Tell him it hurts your feelings. He probably doesn't realize how it is affecting you.

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I definately think you need to tell him how it makes you feel. He should never make you feel crummy like that. Maybe he doesn't realize how much what he says can hurt.

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Jenny, I could have written the same vent!! My hair was never super long, just long enough where it got to be a pain for me and it looked straggely and frumpy. I suffered and grew it out for the wedding, and then slowly, cut by cut, got it cut all off (it's in a nice bob now, chin length). I love it so much and it is so easy for me to do now. I spend half the amount of time on it than I used to.

This was a month ago. Hubby comes home from work on a Saturday already grumpy, then proceeds to tell me he doesn't like it and that it makes me look like a lesbian. I am not preggo nor was I suffereing from PMS, but his comments hit really deep and I was very hurt. No matter what I said, he told me he hated it and that I should have considered his feelings when I got it cut.

It's now a motnh later, and he no longer makes hurtful comments, and I am still loving it, however, I know it still bothers him that I cut it short. So now I will let it grow out a little this winter and not cut it too short again. But sorry, I love it now and will not go back to having hair that is unmanageable and that I hate.

I hope your DH realizes that you are still you no matter how long your hair is. I never thought my hubby would come around, but he has and I think he realized how upset he made me after I told him to let it be.

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I can't thank you guys enough! Trish I totally feel your pain. And they are SO RUDE about it!!! I told him - my hair looked like Jennifer Beals in freaking FLASHDANCE - it was dated and raggy and just over for me.

Unfortunately, my husband does know this behavior hurts me. I don't think he knows to what extent, and that I really need to feel pretty and sexy right now so any insult just hits hard. The insensitivity alarms me though. I would never behave so hurtfully.

I think he's got a bit of a talking to coming his way! I just hope I don't cry through it!

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Jenny from your wedding pics, you are absolutely beautiful and I am sure you are on the inside as well.

Tell your DH how this makes you feel

hugs to you

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ok i am not a newlywed but i feel the need to step in here!

ok, we all have bad hair days. HAIR GROWS BACK. Did DH marry you because of your haircut? Not to be harsh, but if he married you because you are physically beautiful, what's up with that? I think he is not even realizing what he is saying is hurting you so much... is there a deeper issue here that he could be taking frustration out on your hair? just seems strange to me he would have such a vehemently negative reaction.

here is my word of advice. HALLE BERRY. ASHLEY JUDD. CATE BLANCHETT. ALL GORGEOUS. ALL SHORT HAIR! I think you should totally play off your new look girl and go buy yourself some new clothes (maybe on DH's Visa?), and WORK THAT NEW 'DO!! Buy some cutie hair pins and clip a few locks back... its adorable, and with all the new fall clothes out you can make yourself look even better than Halle!

You're a supermodel girl, and don't you forget it!!

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I'm sorry he is hurting your feelings in this way. Men can be so stupid sometimes, they usually don't mean it. You definitely should let him know how much it bothers you. Hair is not that big a deal, I'd hate for something like this to have a negative impact on your marriage.

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what is it with men and hair? perhaps they fear their own falling out, so they want to hang on to yours!

jenny - definitely let him know how much its upsetting you. I'm sure he doesn't realize it.

I know how you feel- my husband is a hair nazi too! I hardly ever cut it- but when I do he has a hissy fit. Your hair WILL grow out- so just hang in there and make fun of him (that always helps me!)