Wedding etiquette question ladies, need your help on this one!

OK so here's the gist. Friends of DH's are getting married in New Orleans in November (its a destination wedding). Close-ish friends, but not best friends. We RSVPd yes and had every intention of going. Unfortunately, I recently switched jobs and am not allowed to take any personal days in my first 2 months at my new job (probationary period) during which the wedding falls, PLUS with the recent expenses with our dog (see my other post if you haven't yet), it would be a bit of a hardship to spend close to $2k to go to New Orleans. Its not last minute- there's still 6 weeks to the wedding, and obviously DH is going to tell them ASAP.

Here is my 2 part question:

1. Are we terrible people?

2. I am invited to her Bachelorette party here in NYC next month. Can I still go if we are no longer attending the wedding? SHOULD I go?

Thoughts?

Re: Wedding etiquette question ladies, need your help on this one!

I would let them know ASAP. They should understand your situation. I know I would. Its not like its 6 days away- its still 6 weeks. I am sure they havent done the final payment yet.

1) no your not terrible people- I would still give a gift though

2)I cant see why you cant go to the Bach Party. Pretty much the main reason why you can go to the wedding is that you cant take off from work. She should understand.

I really wouldnt add the financial hardship when you explain why you cant go though. I dont know this person but they may think 'sure she has money go to the B- party but not the wedding' You never know what goes on in peoples minds.

Re: Wedding etiquette question ladies, need your help on this one!

1. Are we terrible people?

DEFINITELY not. You're reasons are completely understandable. Even if it was just one of the 2 reasons.

2. I am invited to her Bachelorette party here in NYC next month. Can I still go if we are no longer attending the wedding? SHOULD I go?

Why not - maybe see how they react to the news that you're not going and play it by ear. I had a person not go to the wedding or bridal shower but came to the bach party - she's a flight attendant so I knew her schedule was wacky. Loved that she was able to come!!!

Re: Wedding etiquette question ladies, need your help on this one!

We have a destination wedding to go to in November in jamaica... We had every intention of going.... But right now we can't afford the recent price hike in airline tickets and can't go away for a long weekend for 2k either. We are sending them a check and a card with an apology note... I feel terrible, but it is too much to swing at this point....

I feel your pain right now!!

I would definitely go the Bach party.

Re: Wedding etiquette question ladies, need your help on this one!

ITA with the others ... 6 weeks notice is def enough time ... and it's a legitimate excuse!

i think you should go to the bach party if you can

Re: Wedding etiquette question ladies, need your help on this one!

i would still give them a gift and i would tell them asap just like you said. it doesn't make you a terrible person and i would still go to the Bparty to show you want to be there

Re: Wedding etiquette question ladies, need your help on this one!

can jon go on his own? does he want to? this is just another alternative to consider...but i realize if they arent *great* friends, its probably not the best option for your $$$. i would just explain the situation and send a gift.

not sure if i would want to go to the bparty. maybe ask the bride or MOH about that.

Re: Wedding etiquette question ladies, need your help on this one!

Things happen, you know? I'd let her know about the wedding ASAP (just that the job change wont let you take time off) but I'd still go to the B-Party

Re: Wedding etiquette question ladies, need your help on this one!

Janis - Jon doesnt want to go to the wedding to begin with, and is a terrible traveler. No way he would go without me!!

Re: Wedding etiquette question ladies, need your help on this one!

i think if you explain to them there is no way around it then of course not... its a legitimate reason... they might be upset, but have no reason to be mad at you!!!

i'd definitely go to the bparty...

Re: Wedding etiquette question ladies, need your help on this one!

explain the circumstances, apologize sincerely, send a present, and go the b party. I think it's a legitimate reason and it should be enough warning so that they don't pay for your plates.