OK--- need to vent... LONG-- UPDATED

ETA: the update is at the bottom of this page..

I am starting this off by saying that I love my DH more than anything..

BUT HE REALLY DRIVES ME CRAZY sometimes! OK... Here's the deal..

Right now we are living in a one bedroom basement apartment that is no longer flooding, but had that problem a few weeks ago--in a row. Things have been cleaned up from that, but now we are faced with the housing issue. Our lease is up and our landlady has been nice enough to allow us to stay until we find a place. I want a house. We already have a child, and I want the security of having a home. I don't want to move a lot. MY FEELINGS are I want to establish my home and STAY in my home... I don;t want to pick up and move after I FINALLY get things just the way I want it.

We put a bid in on a house and it wasn't accepted. I feel that that hit my DH hard. Like a blow to self ego. ANYway... He just got a new job.. Still not a good one, but a better one, on the books, with benefits. His boss is a friend of my FIL and attended our wedding. They would be working for a billionaire who owns many companies and facilities on Fire island. DH comes up with this whacked idea tonight.... His grandmother has an apartment(another one BR basement), His Idea is to love there until APRIL and then after that move out to Ocean Beach-Fire Island to one of the houses the billionaire owns and share it with another worker--(who has no family)... Rent free...Until October.. Yet DH doesn't know all of the details.. He just knows that this option is available.

For a newlywed couple just starting out that really likes the beach/ party scene, I would say OK.. But I have moved on to the we have a child stage... Does this make any sense?? If we have to share the house with someone else, I dont want to have to deal with how many WOMEN the other guy might bring over.. not to mention the drinking over the summer... DH is really excited about this, but, I am not. He knows we need to find a place, and after the cr@p we have been through with his last job, we have little hope.

What do I do??

sorry to hear all this - i know what you mean about wanting to be settled. I wouldn't want to move 2x between now and October either and esp not in with a single guy over the summer! But let me ask you this, if you guys sacrificed and did that over the summer, would you be able to be in a house after that? Are you going to start looking now for a house? And you could save a lot of $$ living rent free. BUT I know what you mean. Be honest with your DH. That is not an ideal situation. But in the long run, it may be worth the sacrifice!...?

I know I would not want to share a house with someone else except if it was like a mother/daughter with seperate living areas.

But I also agree with MrsTC, if while you are living there you are actively looking for your own house and saving money, than maybe for a few months it would be worth it.

I am sorry you're going through this Lauren:

I don't think i would want to move twice in a six month period (april and october), and especially if I had a baby to care for.

I think once the couple is married, living with complete strangers is just not the best option.

I probably would stay in a basement where you're at till you find a house. I don't think six months worth of rent savings will make or break your house purchase ability.

sorry you are going through this

Oh my this is not good

What I would do is move into Grandmas apt and save save save for the house.

I would NOT be comfortable sharing a house with a stranger.

No amount of money is worth my privacy and comfort.

Sorry, I agree with you I would want stabilty with a child. I moved with my son....4 times in one year!! Thank goodness we are now in a house we will be in for a very long time.

Hope things work out for you!

---

Posted by nrvbrd

Oh my this is not good

What I would do is move into Grandmas apt and save save save for the house.

I would NOT be comfortable sharing a house with a stranger.

No amount of money is worth my privacy and comfort.

---

I totally agree!

jmo:I would try to stay where you are until you can find a home.
If you have to move out..due to flooding or due to lease expireation then move to the other basement apt. Know that this is a temp situation until u find the home.

I would not do the fire island sharing a home thing. You cant tell what this single person is like, who they bring home, if they smoke, what they smoke , what hours they will be in and out while u r trying to get the baby to sleep...or g-dforbid..what they may do to you or baby. (knocking wood 3x)

hubby may not be happy...and we KNOW what it feels like to get a bid turned down. but keep looking. This will keep that fire burning to get your own place.
you may get lucky and find something you liek in an area you like....but maybe not the price you like .
mortage rates are still decent....so somehow maybe you can swing it.

i know it is hard..but you are a family with a baby and you need some stability.,..and to be able to call ALL the shots in WHO comes into your living space.

just my 2 cents...

Here is yet another opinion to add to the pool. I would definitely not live in the fire island house. To begin with, for all the reasons stated above (relating to living with a stranger). However, this sounds like a bad option beyond this. Why would this man let you live there rent free? Even if he is 'rich,' if he is a businessman why would he do this? Also, what if your husband doesn't continue working for him or gets in an argument with him, how well do you know this man? If you are not paying rent can't he kick you out at any time? Plus, I am assuming he will still have full access to the place along with the other individual. Do you really want to worry about your belongings, etc.? This seems like a situation I would not want to get into. Especially where there is a child involved.

Also, I saw your post on the NWR board. I am an attorney. You can FM me

That was the thing that I was dealing with... YES it would be nice to live rent free and save a bunch of mone.. but not only the single man scenario, I was thinking from April till june- How the HE-double hockey sticks will I get off of the ISLAND?!?!!? With a baby?!?! What if he gets sick? What if I run out of tampons!?!? For real though.. My DH is very eager and excited about this opportunity..

We meet with our counselers that did our pre-marital counselling tonight for our three month post marriage session. I am sure this topic will be touched upon.. I will keep you posted! Thank you ladies!

I hope it all workouts out I agree you do need something stable, not the moving around etc, you need that for your sanity as well as the child. I wish you all the best. Let us know what the outcome is.

our session has been re-scheduled due to the freezing weather!


OK.. so a few weeks have gone by...

We are still at our basement apartment. Our landlady told us that she is in the process of interviewing new people for the apartment.

Grandma still hasn't made up her mind about us staying in her apartment until April.

Brian and I had a LOOOOOOOOOng talk about the Fire Island thing. He and his boss also talked about it. Turns out that this MIGHT just be a good opportunity. It will be 100%rent free from April to October. DH will have the opportunity to recieve back pay (from January) three dollars more per hour than he made once he starts the marina job.. and his Direct boss told him that the young man that ran the marina last year brought in almost 900 dollars a week in tips alone, and about $300 to powerwash boats that are at the marina. DH is extremely excited about the finacial opportunities it may provide for us. THERE WILL NOT be another person living with us... And they are going to re-do the kitchen and re-paint the bedrooms--I can play a part in redecorating!

We set a goal of closing by August. In otherwords, DH agreed to seriously look for houses again with me... (thats a good thing).... I told him tonight that if we find a home and end up closing before his season at the marina is up, I will start the Move-in process and get the house set up before the season is up...

Now all I have to do is find a house.. ..easier said than done!

I am still concerned, mainly because it will be in Ocean Beach, I have the baby and I will be living ON THE WATER. Swimming lessons for Alex is a definate must...

What would you ladies do if this was truly the only option you had? My instincts are saying to stand behind my husband in his adventure, but my motherly instincts are thinking I might be crazy. Yet the young part of me (I am 22) is excited because I can have my cousins come visit and tan and play at the beach with the baby and me.... and go out for a few beers after the babys asleep and Brians off from work... Oh, I don't know!!! My family iss giving NO IMPUT whatsoever, and I feel so lost! Thank you ladies for always helping....

---

Posted by 2003OCT10

What would you ladies do if this was truly the only option you had? My instincts are saying to stand behind my husband in his adventure, but my motherly instincts are thinking I might be crazy. Yet the young part of me (I am 22) is excited because I can have my cousins come visit and tan and play at the beach with the baby and me.... and go out for a few beers after the babys asleep and Brians off from work... Oh, I don't know!!! My family iss giving NO IMPUT whatsoever, and I feel so lost! Thank you ladies for always helping....

---

I would stand by my husband. It is a short term arrangement that can potentially reap tremendous benefits!! All the OT, tips and regular pay plus what you are saving in rent can be astronomical and perhaps give you more options while house hunting. Definitely enroll your son in swimming lessons. And like you said - it would be nice to have people out to visit you during the summer. (I am sure they will be beating down your door...LOL) You can really have a great time there!!!

---

Posted by ChristineC68

---

Posted by 2003OCT10

What would you ladies do if this was truly the only option you had? My instincts are saying to stand behind my husband in his adventure, but my motherly instincts are thinking I might be crazy. Yet the young part of me (I am 22) is excited because I can have my cousins come visit and tan and play at the beach with the baby and me.... and go out for a few beers after the babys asleep and Brians off from work... Oh, I don't know!!! My family iss giving NO IMPUT whatsoever, and I feel so lost! Thank you ladies for always helping....

---

I would stand by my husband. It is a short term arrangement that can potentially reap tremendous benefits!! All the OT, tips and regular pay plus what you are saving in rent can be astronomical and perhaps give you more options while house hunting. Definitely enroll your son in swimming lessons. And like you said - it would be nice to have people out to visit you during the summer. (I am sure they will be beating down your door...LOL) You can really have a great time there!!!

---

Well said Christine! I agree

Rent free?? Rent free?? That in and of itself is such a great opportunity and you don't even have to live with relatives or anyone else. Think of all the money you will be able to save when you don't have to throw money away on rent.

I'll be looking for you over on the home board this summer

You know what I hate to rain on your parade, but sometimes things sound too good to be true.

Is there a way to put this agreement in writing?