What's more important to you...a career or family?

Background...I currently work in a field that I love and have the opportunity to grow and build my career. Right now the money stinks, but eventually it won't.
I also have the chance to buy a house and live closer to my family (out of state) so that should DH and I decide to start a family daycare won't be a problem.
If I move I will have a 'job' - any job...if I don't, I'll have a career but not a house and definitely not a family...for a long while. This is not one of those situations where I could have both. My field is here in NYC right where I work...I would move out of state for the family/house.

Has anyone else been faced with similar dilemmas?

What are your priorities?

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Posted by brooklynbridezilla

Is it possible to further your career in the state where the house is available?

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No. That's why I wrote that it's not a situation where I could have both. I would have to switch careers. My field has its hub right where I work...all the 'big guys' are within blocks of each other.

It's a really really really hard decision...that's why I need thought, clarity and help!

DH is no help...he wants a house in the baddest way and babies.

How long will it take you to move up to where you want to be in your current company?

Is it possible once you reach that if you go out of state you could then find a job just as good (it doesnt have to be in the same industry) if you have good experience, you never know.

I think it also has to do with timing.
Right now Dh and I are focused on our careers and we want to go back for our MBA in Jan. We're also all about saving to buy a house next year or so. We're only going to figure out whose going to take care of our kids(while we are at work) 5-6 years from now, because thats when we plan on having them.

I can't really relate, because I could work in any state (work in education), but my best friend moved to Michigan after working in advertising in NYC...She got a great job making tons of $$$$, much more than in NY, and homes and everything else are so much cheaper. Whirlpool is headquartered where she is, so though it is a random place to be, she's got a great job.

Personally I am waiting 3-5 years to have kids, so I would stay here now and see where my career is at that point. For me, I see no point in having babies this early on in my life--I have the rest of my life for kids, but this is the only time in my life to concentrate on me and DH, and my career.

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Posted by Soon2BMrsA

How long will it take you to move up to where you want to be in your current company?

Is it possible once you reach that if you go out of state you could then find a job just as good (it doesnt have to be in the same industry) if you have good experience, you never know.

I think it also has to do with timing.
Right now Dh and I are focused on our careers and we want to go back for our MBA in Jan. We're also all about saving to buy a house next year or so. We're only going to figure out whose going to take care of our kids 5-6 years from now, because thats when we plan on having them.

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It would take me about a year to move to the next level (and get about $20K more) then a few years for the next step, etc. I would need to move 2 steps before I could even think about buying up here, then we have to worry about daycare, etc.

I would have to switch industries, you're right, that's what holds me back. But because I have a lot of experience I could find a job that pays well now in a different field (prob financial). About the same I'm making here as far as $$.

I totally get what you're saying...waiting makes the most sense for you guys because you're young and newly married. It makes sense to me too!

DH thinks that it's futile to wait because we don't have to. If we had no other alternatives then we would, but since we can have a brand new house, a comfortable life, a slower pace, etc. he doesn't see the point. He's pretty tired of NY too. But I'm the one making the big sacrifice so I have a gazillion thoughts going through my head.

TY for writing...I want to hear mre from you all!

I have a friend like your DH- he wants kids so bad he would get pregant himself it it were possible!

So back to the question. Do you already have an alternate career, or would you be looking for one in the other state? What is the job market like for the alt career over there? How is the job market for Dh's job in the other state? I can't give you advice on what to do, but i thought those questions might help you find the answers.

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Posted by nov04LIbride

I can't really relate, because I could work in any state (work in education), but my best friend moved to Michigan after working in advertising in NYC...She got a great job making tons of $$$$, much more than in NY, and homes and everything else are so much cheaper. Whirlpool is headquartered where she is, so though it is a random place to be, she's got a great job.

Personally I am waiting 3-5 years to have kids, so I would stay here now and see where my career is at that point. For me, I see no point in having babies this early on in my life--I have the rest of my life for kids, but this is the only time in my life to concentrate on me and DH, and my career.

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Is she happy in Michigan? I'm concerned that I won't be happy and possibly resent my kids...which is a horrible thing to think about. My sister loves it over there and thinks the state is growing and I would love it...but I'm not so sure.

I agree with you re:waiting. I too would love to concentrate on my DH and career and travel. We've been together 9 years and I guess he's antsy...it's kinda cute but it's really frustrating.

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Posted by SomethingBlu
Is she happy in Michigan? I'm concerned that I won't be happy and possibly resent my kids...which is a horrible thing to think about. My sister loves it over there and thinks the state is growing and I would love it...but I'm not so sure.

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She likes some aspects of it. It's more laid back, people care less about cars/money/clothes, but she really does miss New York. She said it's more rural, people love to hunt (most have guns, she says), there aren't as many cultural events, she misses the beach and her old friends...It's a much different lifestyle. She definitely wants to move to NY or CA soon.

ETA: I'm sure parts of MI are different. My brother almost went to school there, but she's in a more rural area, near Detroit, a few hours from Chicago.

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Posted by brooklynbridezilla

I have a friend like your DH- he wants kids so bad he would get pregant himself it it were possible!

So back to the question. Do you already have an alternate career, or would you be looking for one in the other state? What is the job market like for the alt career over there? How is the job market for Dh's job in the other state? I can't give you advice on what to do, but i thought those questions might help you find the answers.

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Yes Rebecca that's it! He would get PG if he could. He knows we have to wait at least a year before we would get PG if we moved (have to settle in guy!) but that makes him feel fine since he knows the possibility is there...it isn't up here at all.

I sort of do. The state is growing (Georgia...suburban Atlanta specifically) rapidly and I can work in finance or construction (administrative, of course, not n the field ) plus a lot of companies are headquartered there.
My Dh doesn't care about working in a specific field/career, he says he can do anything anywhere as long as he has a house, a yard, a dog and a baby. He's in fantasy land right now...kinda hard to get him back to Earth.

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Posted by nov04LIbride
Are you thinking about Michigan? That's so funny, I didn't know that when I posted about her.

She likes some aspects of it. It's more laid back, people care less about cars/money/clothes, but she really does miss New York. She said it's more rural, people love to hunt (most have guns, she says), there aren't as many cultural events, she misses the beach and her old friends...It's a much different lifestyle. She definitely wants to move to NY or CA soon.

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Sorry, I realize that it sounded like I was...no, it's GA. It's very laid back but it's the SOUTH!
The fact that she wants to move to NY or CA is what makes me nervous. I think I would too...although Atlanta is pretty urban I would live in the suburban area...all woods and houses and the school picks up the kids right in front of your house. The life is completely different.

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Posted by nov04LIbride

What field are you in now?

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Luxury retail jewelry.

family!

my career took a nose dive and now i'm an old fart and at the point where i want kids. my ideal scenario was to save up and do well until it was time to make babies, but life has a funny way of slapping you in the face sometimes...

DH is the bread winner in our house and we will make job decisions and locations based on his situation. if i made more $$$ it would be reversed. we are a team, but he has far better potential to make a good salary and we find this important to our standard of living in supporting a child.

i feel that DH is tied to NYC however we may explore other options in the future. i would love to live somewhere comfortably for once!

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Posted by SomethingBlu

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Posted by nov04LIbride
Are you thinking about Michigan? That's so funny, I didn't know that when I posted about her.

She likes some aspects of it. It's more laid back, people care less about cars/money/clothes, but she really does miss New York. She said it's more rural, people love to hunt (most have guns, she says), there aren't as many cultural events, she misses the beach and her old friends...It's a much different lifestyle. She definitely wants to move to NY or CA soon.

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Sorry, I realize that it sounded like I was...no, it's GA. It's very laid back but it's the SOUTH!
The fact that she wants to move to NY or CA is what makes me nervous. I think I would too...although Atlanta is pretty urban I would live in the suburban area...all woods and houses and the school picks up the kids right in front of your house. The life is completely different.

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I couldn't live in Atlanta, personally. I had a conference there and I thought the city would be...like NYC I guess? SO SO DIFFERENT. Churches everywhere, up and down the city streets...Everything just took longer--eating out, the pace, etc. I'm definitely a Northeastern girl at heart, but I need a fast paced place. Visit, see if you like it and could imagine yourself there. I know it's growing, but having visited, I know it's not for me. But I do have friends there who work for CNN and love it.

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Posted by september2004

family!

my career took a nose dive and now i'm an old fart and at the point where i want kids. my ideal scenario was to save up and do well until it was time to make babies, but life has a funny way of slapping you in the face sometimes...

DH is the bread winner in our house and we will make job decisions and locations based on his situation. if i made more $$$ it would be reversed. we are a team, but he has far better potential to make a good salary and we find this important to our standard of living in supporting a child.

i feel that DH is tied to NYC however we may explore other options in the future. i would love to live somewhere comfortably for once!

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It's opposite for us...I'm the bread winner (although DH is catching up, I have always made more). So I have to have the babies and find the high paying job...not easy!

But TY for your honest response. That's what DH says, you can't really 'plan' it and he doesn't want to wait too long. I want kids (plural) and I want to wait a few years in between each, so the longer I wait, the harder it is. But fear of the unknown has a funny way of messing with your mind.

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Posted by johnsae

I work because I have to...I am the most non-career-minded individual...people ask me about my 'career goals' and my eyes glaze over.

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Oh me too!!!