1/6/03 Question of the Day: Anyone NOT want children or are not sure?

Original post by Sonicstef

Jan 06, 2003 09:22 AM

It seems like everyone on this board talks about having children right after they are married or hopes to. Nothing at all wrong with that...Im just wondering if there are any newlyweds here who definitely do NOT want children are are not sure?

antoinette Posted: Jan 06, 2003 04:36 PM

Re: 1/6/03 Question of the Day: Anyone NOT want children or are not sure?

im really glad that this thread got started, all of you have very valid points. After recently getting married, i do feel baby fever a tad- but i know that im not ready yet and prob wont be ready for another 3-4 yrs. and i do think that it would be selfish of us to bring a child into the world without being somewhat readyto sacrafice. - althought i do agree that no one is completely ready for a child- i think that you have to have a mindset before you make a huge life altering decision.

JennRenee Posted: Jan 06, 2003 05:01 PM

Re: 1/6/03 Question of the Day: Anyone NOT want children or are not sure?

Wow! This thread was a very good read!

Just to throw a similiar gripe out there, Patrick and I want ONE child. We may or may not discuss a second, but right now we are set on one. Close friends and family members who know this CRUCIFY us over our decision, saying it's not right to do that to a child. Um hello??? When did this become YOUR business??? Makes me SO angry...

natasha Posted: Jan 06, 2003 06:12 PM

Re: 1/6/03 Question of the Day: Anyone NOT want children or are not sure?

JennRenee: we get same thing when we say we are thinking of having one child.

JennRenee Posted: Jan 06, 2003 06:22 PM

Re: 1/6/03 Question of the Day: Anyone NOT want children or are not sure?

Natasha ~ Do you have a snappy comeback?? I generally just stand there seething!

Karen H Posted: Jan 06, 2003 06:45 PM

Re: 1/6/03 Question of the Day: Anyone NOT want children or are not sure?

JennRenee - how about asking them if they are offering to pick up the expenses including college education and wedding expenses!

JennRenee Posted: Jan 06, 2003 06:53 PM

Re: 1/6/03 Question of the Day: Anyone NOT want children or are not sure?

Karen, I LOVE that response! Now I can't wait to try it out!! Thank you!

Teri Posted: Jan 06, 2003 07:00 PM

Re: 1/6/03 Question of the Day: Anyone NOT want children or are not sure?

not sure if this has been covered, but do you know that within the next 20-25 years, the average tuition to a private college will be around $200K per YEAR! Of course, Ivy League schools will be even more. That's reason enough to only have one child! LOL j/k

JennRenee Posted: Jan 06, 2003 07:10 PM

Re: 1/6/03 Question of the Day: Anyone NOT want children or are not sure?

Seriously, Teri?! OMG! I hope my 'lonely only' is smart or athletic so he/she will get a scholarship!!!

anna Posted: Jan 06, 2003 07:24 PM

Re: 1/6/03 Question of the Day: Anyone NOT want children or are not sure?

Jenn, I'm LMAO over your 'lonely only' ! LOL.

People really are annoying with questions... before i was engaged it was always 'no ring yet ????' imagine being asked this every day, by a 38yr old MALE loser, who was married once, it lasted less than a year...I was like 'ehemm, you are NOT one to talk !!!!!!' and when i got the ring, i was hunting him down to shove it down his throat and he avoided me like the plague....LU-ZAH.

and then of course, its the 'children' question !
It's a personal decision, and everyone should be entitled to live and enjoy life to the fullest as they choose...

I personally, have ALWAYS loved children. I used to go tutor kids after work once a week and did other volunteer things, ever since I was 17. One girl I kept in touch with for about 5 years, she was attached to me.. I havent seen or heard from her in about 2 or 3 years... I really want to try to contact her... I would take her out on weekends all the time, to the zoo, pizza, ice cream, etc.....ok, so i'm a weirdo !
So having kids was never a question for me... I feel like my life is more complete having children and just being around children Having spent lots of time with kids in the family, just seeing things through their eyes, hearing the things they say, the things they do (Ok, good and bad!), they cease to amaze me. Thank goodness John has always been the same, felt the same about kids. when we were dating less than a year, we went to Disney, and he was walking around Disneyworld saying, 'imagine how much more we'll 'see' and how much more we'll enjoy this with kids!'
I have always been one to observe kids in public places, or even tell the parent of a child what he/she said while the parents head was turned (if it was something priceless!)...
Thats just my take on it...
The weight gain factor is so meaningless, when you put it all into perspective !
When your 'time' comes, you will feel it in your heart! Enjoy whatever road you choose !

Teri Posted: Jan 06, 2003 07:25 PM

Re: 1/6/03 Question of the Day: Anyone NOT want children or are not sure?

Yep, it's true! But keep in mind how much everything will go up - salaries, etc.

We had a financial planner come into my company to give seminars on college savings plan (529) and that's the info he gave!

I think they said state schools will be around $100K per year.

Sonicstef Posted: Jan 06, 2003 07:27 PM

Re: 1/6/03 Question of the Day: Anyone NOT want children or are not sure?

Anna: So funny you should mention Disney because we felt exactly the opposite when we go. We thought 'what a terrible time we would have here dragging children all around'...i guess thats a sign right? hehehehe

JennRenee Posted: Jan 06, 2003 07:29 PM

Re: 1/6/03 Question of the Day: Anyone NOT want children or are not sure?

OMG Teri, I'm going to PUKE! But you're right... salaries will increase too... I hope it's a BIIIIG increase!

BriarRose Posted: Jan 06, 2003 08:17 PM

Re: 1/6/03 Question of the Day: Anyone NOT want children or are not sure?

this is an entry that I put in the journal I keep for my son,

' I never know when the moment would come for children. How does one know for sure when they are ready to take on the ultimate task? Would I be good at it? I knew that ultimately, I would probably screw you up, but could I keep from doing serious harm? Would I like it? There is no return or exchange policy with parenthood and, kids don't come with an instruction booklet. But I always saw children in my future. So I decided. I took a leap of faith. I looked at your father and said yes let's make a baby.....'

I think that for me to have a child was the right decision, I think for some people not to have a child is the right decision.
Iknow a couple that do not ever want children. They spend New Years in Paris, They have been to Italy 3 times, Been to london twice. They travel on a whim, spend when ever it suits them and live according to there needs and wants. And on Saturday morning at 6 am when my day begins and they are asleep for hours more to come I'm a little jealous. But I wouldnt trade my life for anything and neither would they. I think that's awesome. I do ask IF people are planning a family and let them volunteer the when. I never really thought about it being personal, like a salary or a womans weight. But thanks to this thread I will stop and think before I ask!! As for the undecided, you'll know when to take your leap!!!

Cira Posted: Jan 06, 2003 10:31 PM

Re: 1/6/03 Question of the Day: Anyone NOT want children or are not sure?

JennRenee and Teri ... Teri's right ... Rob's company did that study. I have the actual info at work, but it's like $240K for 5 years at a private institution. But I have a feeling it will be more than that!
But yes, salaries will increase. Our assets .. ie.. our home will be worth so much more then. Can you believe it ... when my parents bought there home ... they paid $35K, but now it's worth way over $400 ... so what .. our kid's first home will be $1M for a starter???? Imagine! Also, how about their weddings? Geesh ... my wedding was a ton ... what if we have a girl!
All things we will look forward to oneday ... just crazy if you think about it!

BriarRose .. your entry was moving! Such a great Mom! I love how you are keeping a journal for your son for his memory!

yabbobay Posted: Jan 06, 2003 10:31 PM

Re: 1/6/03 Question of the Day: Anyone NOT want children or are not sure?

I am worried that I will know too late...although my GYN assured me that late is OK she has 3...starting when she was 36...

besides the fears others have mentioned...I am completely freaked out with the health of the baby...I worked with a little boy with spina bifida...one missing dose of folic acid...and this cute little boy only lives into his 20's?

and knowing me (I have degrees in education and psychotherapy) I would overanalyze the whole pregnancy and probably screw the kid up asking him about his love life...

I do want kids...not now...I just hope I DO feel it...

It makes me think about the wedding dress...everyone said you will know...well I never did...never cried over it...doubted it even...

dkga1026 Posted: Jan 06, 2003 10:51 PM

Re: 1/6/03 Question of the Day: Anyone NOT want children or are not sure?

teri, the figures you stated are not per year...they account for the price of a college education at a private institution for all 4 years...if that were true, we would need almost 1million per child just for college - YIKES!!!

yabbobay Posted: Jan 06, 2003 10:53 PM

Re: 1/6/03 Question of the Day: Anyone NOT want children or are not sure?

i think it is about $200K RIGHT NOW for private schools... $40-50K x 4 (tuition and room and board and expenses)

In 20-25 years it is quite possible that the cost will be $200K per year

chmlengr Posted: Jan 07, 2003 08:44 AM

Re: 1/6/03 Question of the Day: Anyone NOT want children or are not sure?

Both of us want children, and badly. But we feel we're not ready to take that step. Luckily, no one has pressured us, and maybe that's because we've only been married 8 months. We want 2, and would be happy for 3. I am going to be 31 soon, and hubby is 31 next week. The only thing we are afraid of is that we wait too long and we have problems TTC. Other than that, both of us make great money right now, work 60+ hour weeks and enjoy what little time we have together. We hope to start trying this summer though. We've been together 6 years now so we've enjoyed everything so far and don't feel like we'd miss out on anything. Sometimes, when I get together with my 3 girlfriends (all my age), they have 7 children between them and it's hairy. Then I know I'm okay with waiting!

jenny11.9 Posted: Jan 07, 2003 08:59 AM

Re: 1/6/03 Question of the Day: Anyone NOT want children or are not sure?

huh - what a great thread. Sonic thanks for starting it! I am 31 years old, and Chris and I have been living together for 9 years, dating for 10. I am ready for children but am not craving it either way. I never .Even as a kid - no dolls, no babysitting, an so on! I don't believe in the biological clock - but I do believe in this strange feeling I get that tells me 'there is somebody missing' - it's weird. But we love to travel as well, and our company is still growing - I certainly will have to continue working (which I want to do). It's complex. My doctor telling me not to wait, families wondering when, and us just trying to enjoy our married sex life whatever the outcome!

I can tell you that when I thought I was pregnant, and found out I wasn't...my heart dropped a little and I felt kind of empty - it went away with a glass of wine and a good night's sleep - BOTH of which I would not see for a while otherwise!

Teri Posted: Jan 07, 2003 09:05 AM

Re: 1/6/03 Question of the Day: Anyone NOT want children or are not sure?

dkga - the figures I posted were per year. Just look how much college has increased just in the past 5-6 years? Some colleges (Boston Univ for one) have gone up over 30% recently, so it's definitely possible.
Like Cira said, our home prices will increase, as well as our salaries, etc.