Re: 1st year difficulties?

---

Posted by ambersmom

I think it's the whole 'I'm not a single person anymore' perspective that changes everything. It seeps over into so many issues; finances, emotions, living arrangements, etc. It's like your senses on all levels are heightened because you're 'married' like your spouse is supposed to be 100x more the person you expect him/her to be because of that committment. You take things more personally and there are other dynamics that don't exist before marriage (or that do exist but are sort of swept under the rug or causually passed over because you still have an out). I know I'm not making sense but I know in my situation I was super-sensitive of his and his families misgivings AFTER marriage because I felt like my entire life was on the line. Like 'How could he be so insensitive, we're MARRIED', 'How dare he/they take advantage of me, we're MARRIED', etc. Whereas before I was like 'Well screw him, I'm still single and I can get out of this mess if I can...'. I still know I'm not making sense...

---

I agree...sometimes when DH and I disagree I am just so much more frustrated than I ever was when we were just dating and I just think How could I have married someone who feels that way about x??? There's no just 'going home' when you disagree, you're stuck with one another. It's wonderful and scary and frustrating all at the same time!

Re: 1st year difficulties?

---

Posted by FeliciaDA

Money

Money

Money

[or should I say, the lack thereof...]

Its less than 2 months into our marriage, and so far that is the only thing we have problems about.. and the main thing we have trouble reconciling ...

---

I totally agree, that has been our major issue. Everything else is just communication and compromising. I had little problems with DH about him helping out a little bit around the house but that's going to take time. We spend a lot of time together and we rarely fight, I just wish we had more money to spend o n us than to pay bills.

Re: 1st year difficulties?

DH and I were together almost 9 years before we got married. We never lived together, but definitely know eachother inside and out. After getting married and leaving together, it has been GREAT! Everyone was telling us too the first year is the hardest. We feel things have only been getting better and better for us. I think the key is........Nothing should change after marriage. If things were great before like each having your own time. Time to go out with your friends and time together. It should stay the same. Communication and compromise are so important. I think if you can always remind yourself about that, things seem to iron themselves out.

Re: 1st year difficulties?

Things were even better than just living together. I gradually moved in to his place through the years, and it pretty much cut out most of the fights. We have been getting along better than ever since the wedding.

Re: 1st year difficulties?

It depends on your situation..
For us the biggest difficulties (and not just including the first year of marriage) are money, living situation and his parents...
I think these stresses will continue for a while.... To be honest with you it has not been that bad.. If anything our lives have been happier since we were married.

Re: 1st year difficulties?

We did not live together before we got married so it did take a few months to get used to sharing everything. My only advice is to compromise and choose your battles...everything then falls into place.