2 people stiffed us! How do I approach this?

My mother forgot to get a card the day of my cousin's wedding and didn't want to just stick a check in the box. So she mailed it to them 2 days later.

My Aunt called her up because there were a lot of cards missing and as it turns out, there were about 5-10 cards that were stolen!

My Mom had to admit that hers wasn't stolen, she had just forgotten to get the card.

But you'll never know, especially if someone gave cash, unless the subject is brought up. 10 people is a lot, imo. We only got one empty card and I knew about that one beforehand.

There was one couple that didn't show up and I later heard that one of them was in the hospital. And later heard something else again that led me (and my mother) to believe that that was a made up story. Good thing our BM had figured in one couple as no-shows and we didn't wind up paying for them anyway.

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Posted by johnsae

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Posted by JPC1125

Luckily we werent stiffed but If we were I would be worried that the cards were either lost or stolen.

I wouldnt hesitate to contact them and explain that you were concerned that something happened.

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I won't contact the 10+ people that didn't give us a gift...I think that is really awkward to call them out on it.

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Well I was kinda referring to the 2 people....10 defnitely is too high of a number to contact...but 2 just seems like something went wrong somewhere.

Send them a thank you card saying simply 'Thank you for sharing in our wedding day. Having you there to celebrate with us meant so much.'

If they forgot, this will be a subtle reminder and they will send a gift if they intended to send something to begin with. We got a few more cards/gifts after the thank you cards went out. One person specifically stated that all we could write in their card was basically thank you for coming as we were handed the check.

I feel your pain - my brother stiffed us. Can you believe it!?!? My own flesh and blood, who got married in September and who received a big fat check from us. Grant it, we make more than he and his wife, so we were not expecting anything extravagant, but I did expect something, anything from my brother - esp after he said more than once before the wedding that he was going to send us something from the registry for my shower and wedding - and he said this on his own, there was no prompting from me about it. I think it was rude of him, and I think I'm going to call him out on it - havent' figured out how yet though. Other friends whose finances are dicey did not get us gifts, but they were in the bridal party and shelled out a lot to be in our wedding - for them, their presence was our gift and they're going to get nice thank you cards. But for my brother, I'm still in shock - it's unbelievably rude.

We had no other stiffers, but I'm not sure how I would've reacted - this other thread on 06 made me think - yes, we want people to share in our day, but I do think you're kidding yourself if you're not expecting gifts. Esp since we all had people on our guest lists that we had to invite, who we not necessarily wanted to invite, and whose presence was more of a headache than a present. Not getting a gift from them would probably have irritated me. Just being honest, and definitely not intending to start a controversy - just thinking out loud.

Maybe this isn't the best first post on the newlyweds board...

ETA: to answer the original question, I don't know if I would send a thank you or call them out if that was the relationship - not to get even though - but because I would think a thank you or other reminder would be demanding a gift - I don't know, maybe that's just me. At the same time, I do think it's nice to thank people for particpating, so I'm really on the fence here about the thank you card. And I do think what they did was rude. I'm not sure what I'd do I guess. Sorry, I guess I'm not very helpful :( Good luck!

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Posted by dleeny

there's nothing you can do, but vent on here of course

we had a few of those... we sent thank you cards to everyone. we thanked the stiffers for sharing in our day

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We did this as well- it was only one person really, my cousin who is from CA. He recently moved to NY and called to find out where we were registered (that's how they do things in CA) and my mom told him we had basically gotten everything we needed... so instead we got nothing. My cousin is ROLLING in money too! We did get a few cards in the mail after the wedding, sometimes people just forget.

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Posted by johnsae

yeah, well there's about 10 people that stiffed us....I don't know how to approach it either. DH and I joked that we might write them a thank you card saying,

Thank you for your presents (and then cross out the presents) and put presence....

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Sorry for jumping on your board, but I had to laugh at this one...

Could the envelopes have been misplaced?? We had an envelope end up in the parking lot, which lead us to believe that someone who worked there took it, saw that there was a check in it and dropped it out there.
Just a thought...

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Posted by JCam695

We didn't get gifts/cards from about 12 couples and I'm worried they might have been stolen, but I feel like it is completely rude to ask them about it...so I don't know what to do.

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you really can't ask them... BUT, maybe you can have your MIL or mom ask, just to be sure they were not in fact lost. if those people are your friends, just send them a TY card for attending. that might remind them or make them wonder why you didn't thank them for their gift.

either way, I firmly believe that you should thank people for attending. whether they gave a gift or not. it's the right thing to do.