5 WAYS TO FIND MORE FRIEND TIME

Five Ways to Find More Friend Time
Here, Lifetime's guide to getting back in touch with the women who know you best.

by Kristyn Kusek

Between work, family and the everyday grind, it can be all too easy to overlook the most important people in our lives — our girlfriends. 'I've been spending so much time juggling school, family, friends, household chores and two jobs that I've lost track of a lot of my friends,' one Lifetime Online community member recently complained. She's not the only one; it seems a common trend among women.

We spoke with Drury Sherrod, Ph.D., a social psychologist and friendship researcher in Los Angeles, for tips on reconnecting in a frenzied world.

Know you need 'em. Begin your quest to reconnect by understanding that your need to have rich relationships is natural and common. 'Women desire regular intimate contact with their girlfriends,' acknowledges Dr. Sherrod. 'Men, on the other hand, can play a round of golf with a close friend once a year and that's enough.'

Make the first move. Your friends are just as busy as you are, so don't wait for them to get in touch. Seek them out and arrange to get together for coffee or dinner. If time or distance makes it impossible to set up a tête-à-tête, suggest that the two of you block out 10 minutes of phone time a week, or vow to e-mail each other monthly. You can also catch up with buddies on vacation. Lifetime community member Orosa has once- or twice-yearly powwows with far-flung friends to celebrate events she might have otherwise missed. 'We do birthdays twice a year, once for the May through July crowd, and once for the November through February group,' she explains. 'This way, no one is hurt when their birthday goes by and someone forgets or doesn't call.'


Be consistent. Once you've set up regular girlfriend dates, be vigilant about keeping them. Consider your get-togethers just as critical and unskippable as you would a doctor's visit, a parent-teacher conference or a hot date. Write them on your calendar and stick to them. Express your need for friend time to your husband or partner, and ask him to handle the kids one night a week so you can keep your appointment.

Be creative. While regular face time with friends is ideal, it's possible to stay bonded without it. One Lifetime Onliner says she carries a pack of note cards and a small address book in her purse. When she gets a minute at work, or is waiting to pay at a store, she dashes off a quick 'I'm thinking of you' to a friend.

Make your meetings memorable. Seeing an old friend you've lost track of can be uncomfortable at first; after all, where do you start when there's so much to cover? That initial awkwardness doesn't necessarily mean that your friendship has fizzled, however. Sherrod advises blasting right through those first five minutes by skipping the small talk and 'talking about your connection to one another,' he says. 'If you feel out of touch — and responsible for it — be honest about it. If you acknowledge that you miss your friend, she's likely to respond in kind.' Then, let the guilt go and catch up on every last juicy detail!