For Newlyweds Only - After your wedding did any of your relationships change...

sophisticat13 Posted: Oct 15, 2008 10:03 PM

After your wedding did any of your relationships change...

with the no-show guests or guests that did not give gifts?

Just wondering...I hope I'm not beating a dead horse (sorry for the expression!!) but I was really hurt by one of my friends that I've known for over a decade and I actually can't bring myself to call her right now...not sure what is going to happen here

Thank you in advance ladies

MushesGirl Posted: Oct 15, 2008 10:17 PM

Re: After your wedding did any of your relationships change...

so sorry! did she not show or no gift? did she say anything? it really ***** when people don't know how to act...i was really pissed about our no show/no gifters...and surprised about a few (especially relatives). we travelled from here to philly for my cousin's wedding and gave a gift; they travelled from boston for ours(and they're wealthy) and didnt give us a gift

we're not super close so it didnt really change our relationship too much, but its in the back of my mind like ????

if a close friend had done this to me i'd be soooo upset too i hope you get some resolution to this.

Butterfly123 Posted: Oct 15, 2008 10:59 PM

Re: After your wedding did any of your relationships change...

No not at all. But I know some relationships were effected between ourselves and people we couldnt afford to invite. DH has a friend who has not acted the same since he did not receive an invite. And when I say friend I mean someone he worked with in the past who he maybe sees 5 times a year and speaks to him even less than that. People who never participated in a wedding will never understand what we went through so we wont hold it against them but if they choose to act different around us for wanting to be married, then they have an issue and not us.

jeffamanda080808 Posted: Oct 15, 2008 11:10 PM

Re: After your wedding did any of your relationships change...

One of DH's close friends only RSVPd as 1 instead of 2, because his wife didn't want to pay for a sitter. Then literally 45 mins before DH got in the limo the day of the wedding, his friend called him and told him he couldn't come because his wife didn't want to be home with their 3 kids, but he needed our address so he could 'take care of' us. 68 days later...still nothing in our mail box. DH is so hurt, I'm not a fan of the wife either way, but seriously...if I am at a party and they are there...I will not be the one to make an effort to say hello first. But that's just me.

SoonToBeMrsScott Posted: Oct 16, 2008 09:14 AM

Re: After your wedding did any of your relationships change...

yes I keep my distance from people I stay polite when I see them I say hello and good night

Bride908 Posted: Oct 16, 2008 09:27 AM

Re: After your wedding did any of your relationships change...

we had one 'friend' who told us 2 days before the wedding that him and his guest couldnt make it b/c 'he had to work' We had already paid and he had replied a month earlier.

To top it off he told me by email - nice. He also said he was sending a gift - it never came. I avoid him like the plaque now b/c Im still hurt and dont want to get into. He prob. thinks its no big deal but he'll find out one day when he gets married.

And I by no means am upset about not receiving a gift - my feelings are hurt that at the last minute he came up with some lame excuse not to come.

RadiantBride Posted: Oct 16, 2008 09:31 AM

Re: After your wedding did any of your relationships change...

Yes mine did. Not DH though bc he is a s u c k e r . We had two BM and one of them did not show up for the RD because he 'missed his flight' or some BS like that and he was going to try to make the flight the morning of the wedding. Needless to say he did not show up. In the rehearsal I had the Maitre D showing everything as if he was not going to make it which worked out. Sh*t happens, and I can understand but he didnt even rent a tux so he knew that he was not going to come at all. I have not spoken to him since, but his relationship with DH has not changed. According to DH the BM's wife is really jealous and did not want him to fly to NY alone for the weekend without her and she couldnt afford to come. I told DH to cry me a river bc that is a bs excuse.

Bride908 Posted: Oct 16, 2008 09:39 AM

Re: After your wedding did any of your relationships change...

Posted by RadiantBride

Yes mine did. Not DH though bc he is a s u c k e r . We had two BM and one of them did not show up for the RD because he 'missed his flight' or some BS like that and he was going to try to make the flight the morning of the wedding. Needless to say he did not show up. In the rehearsal I had the Maitre D showing everything as if he was not going to make it which worked out. Sh*t happens, and I can understand but he didnt even rent a tux so he knew that he was not going to come at all. I have not spoken to him since, but his relationship with DH has not changed. According to DH the BM's wife is really jealous and did not want him to fly to NY alone for the weekend without her and she couldnt afford to come. I told DH to cry me a river bc that is a bs excuse.

Some people just dont realize that honesty is the best policy. If they couldnt afford to come he should've just said it. That would have been much more accepted than agreeing and than lying about it. That just becomes hurtful....

RadiantBride Posted: Oct 16, 2008 09:54 AM

Re: After your wedding did any of your relationships change...

Posted by Bride908

Posted by RadiantBride

Yes mine did. Not DH though bc he is a s u c k e r . We had two BM and one of them did not show up for the RD because he 'missed his flight' or some BS like that and he was going to try to make the flight the morning of the wedding. Needless to say he did not show up. In the rehearsal I had the Maitre D showing everything as if he was not going to make it which worked out. Sh*t happens, and I can understand but he didnt even rent a tux so he knew that he was not going to come at all. I have not spoken to him since, but his relationship with DH has not changed. According to DH the BM's wife is really jealous and did not want him to fly to NY alone for the weekend without her and she couldnt afford to come. I told DH to cry me a river bc that is a bs excuse.

Some people just dont realize that honesty is the best policy. If they couldnt afford to come he should've just said it. That would have been much more accepted than agreeing and than lying about it. That just becomes hurtful....

You are so right. The biggest issue with me was the lies. He was a best man not a guest you know... and the fact that he had his ticket and she told him 'if you go, realize that you are risking your marriage and your children.' That is DH's cousin. It's family how can she make him choose.

AR31 Posted: Oct 16, 2008 10:04 AM

Re: After your wedding did any of your relationships change...

yes my former boss - she was a type 5 clinger and used to always call me and to talk and what not.. and we invited her and her family to the wedding - total of 4 people and she didn't show up and there was no phone call either.. she saw me outside one day and i was just cordial and left it at that..

lucky1010 Posted: Oct 16, 2008 10:06 AM

Re: After your wedding did any of your relationships change...

Not really for us.

We had one of DH friends RSVP yes and then do a no show. He's getting married this weekend, so DH decided to call him and let him know we weren't able to make his.... I originally wanted to do a no show like he did to ours, and make him pay for our plates, and then never call like he did to apologize or give some kind of explanation but we decided to be the bigger people and call... Other than that issue, nothing changed with friends or family...

Jenn04 Posted: Oct 16, 2008 10:09 AM

Re: After your wedding did any of your relationships change...

I know we need to get over these things already...but it takes time.

DH hasnt talked to two of his good friends in 4 months. One didnt come to the wedding and his excuse was lame and the other was a no gifter. Dh hasnt called them and they havent called DH. Its very odd and I feel bad about it but DH doesnt seem to want to budge and call them.

A few other things irritated us alot but we started to get over them.

JennNicole Posted: Oct 16, 2008 11:25 AM

Re: After your wedding did any of your relationships change...

Yes - but this is really common. I think I gave you advise in the past. Just store it , and put that relationship in perspective and move fwd twds individuals that you feel gave you and your DH the respect and acknowledgment entering into your new life together.

Again - this person might be having a hard time financially and it could be embarrassing for them or something major is going on and they might have had good intentions but 'your gift' is not taking #1 priority right now. They could just make it up to you - they do have a year!

Try to keep your chin up about it and try not to take it to personal , I would call this person and see if everything is o.k - re access it after that in time. Weddings can teach you who your friends REALLY are I am afraid.

curiousgeorge Posted: Oct 16, 2008 05:42 PM

Re: After your wedding did any of your relationships change...

I had one friend who didnt show to my bridal shower but I ended up getting together with her when she came to visit here in New York and she started to cry and apologize over and over. She felt so guilty about missing our wedding and shower. This was a close friend! For 6 months I was hurt and had no idea what happened. She was in the process of getting a divorce and she filed for bankruptcy. She was so mortified and she was going through such a hard time and she honestly said to me...that she couldnt go to my events and possibly be happy for me. As cruel as that sounds I actually understood! We rekindled our friendship and now we are just as good as friends as we were before! I mailed her a video that she asked for. Sometimes people may go through rough times and you never know what the excuse is.

wundmoretime Posted: Oct 16, 2008 06:04 PM

Re: After your wedding did any of your relationships change...

I invited 25 of my coworkers and their partners if applicable. I had a coworker table of 8! Everyone throws big parties for people with big events, even a father-to-be got a shower. I got nothing I am going to separate myself from a lot of the people. DH thinks I am taking it too far. Today was boss' day and I didn't give money for the cake. My boss is the boss of both me and DH and he didn't organize a shower for us. He did send a card and gift though. A lot of coworkers individually did things though and that made me feel better. Best man didn't give a gift-DH best friend of 10 yrs. He put in there that he didn't forgot-don't kill him-he will get it to us. DH thinks he is the type you need to remind but that is too rude. They are still good friends and will remain that way. My BM and best friend of 25 yrs told me she didn't have $ for a gift but she gave a card. She flew up to NY from Fla and that was more than enough for me. You do remember those that 'forgot'.

catsgirl Posted: Oct 17, 2008 07:49 AM

Re: After your wedding did any of your relationships change...

dh had his one friend in the wedding, his wife asked for our address because she said she forgot the card, it never came. if they see us out he comes over right away but his wife tends to ignore us. and dh gets upset by that they to were friends a long time. a friend at work said they forgot to get my card from there glove box in the car, that she'd bring it to work, then after two weeks she said her dh took the money out the card and went to the bar. and she said she owes me, WHAT EVER. but it does not bother me.

1nicetouch Posted: Oct 17, 2008 02:38 PM

Re: After your wedding did any of your relationships change...

I have and issue similar with one of my aunts friends.
She was on my B list so she was upset and didn't come. And I have one co-worker who was a no show I try to be nice to him . He did apologize.

zoe282 Posted: Oct 17, 2008 03:34 PM

Re: After your wedding did any of your relationships change...

It did for me. One of my bridesmaids didn't get me a gift or even a card...and both her and her sister (both my bridesmaids) hasn't spoken to me since the wedding! I tried to write them, send pictures everything! and no word. it hurts me since they have been my friends since i was in 3rd grade. But I hate doing that girl thing where I am upset and they don't know it so i am giong to tell them why I am upset. I see them over holidays and I don't want to ruin a friendship ove this...

I also have a sorority sister who ditched out last minute from my bach party...ok it happens...but she never called to even see how it was! and then the week of my wedding said she wasn't coming! Then again did not ask how it was, or send any sort of card even though I had to pay for her seat...Her I am done with....

jessnstu08 Posted: Oct 17, 2008 04:25 PM

Re: After your wedding did any of your relationships change...

One BM did not give a gift or card and brought a stranger to the wedding, even though she knew plenty of people. It wasn't a boyfriend it was a guy she is friends with. I didn't mind that much at the time

I didn't say anything , and when I came home from my honeymoon she sent me an email that said - ' oh BTW I reserve my right to give a gift up until a year after the wedding, so no you didn't loose the card' - reserve your right? um ok

I am still annoyed with her approach in the matter and the relationship changed even before the wedding , she s*cked as a bridesmaid.

A few coworkers of DH gave neither a gift or card. I am waiting it out, but as far as we are both concerned the social relationship is over .

I had one coworker who I used to be extremely close with not come and her reason was so lame . I will NEVER talk to her again and I am still ANGRY over it

I have a few people who completely cheaped out as far as im concerned and I am very aware of their economic situation. That's ok though, I have an opportunity to return the favor. I never thought I would be tit for tat, but this wedding has taught me a lot about people.

sophisticat13 Posted: Oct 17, 2008 05:39 PM

Re: After your wedding did any of your relationships change...

Posted by MushesGirl

so sorry! did she not show or no gift? did she say anything? it really ***** when people don't know how to act...i was really pissed about our no show/no gifters...and surprised about a few (especially relatives). we travelled from here to philly for my cousin's wedding and gave a gift; they travelled from boston for ours(and they're wealthy) and didnt give us a gift

we're not super close so it didnt really change our relationship too much, but its in the back of my mind like ????

if a close friend had done this to me i'd be soooo upset too i hope you get some resolution to this.

Thank you, UR so sweet I'm sorry about your NG/NS. It does s&ck totally.....boy having a wedding taught me so much about people right?!!

My friend no gift, but kept saying she forgot and she would. I was even on the phone with her when I got back from my HM and she said 'Let me have your address so I can send you the card and gift!' She was also invited to the RD and she wore the sleaziest dress I ever saw (so low cut I got nervous ) and then wore the same dress I wore to my RD to my wedding! Which was WHITE!!!!!!!!!!! (it did have a monet-like flower print on front...) I was like, OMG I forgave her at the time because she was going through a lot with her husband and I thought that she was 'trying to get attention with her low-cut dress to make her feel better about herself' type of thing, but not to give a card was what hurt the most. I realize that I need to let it go especially since she is part of a entire circle of friends but as evidenced by my post it's hard for me to let things go!! I just got my TY cards so I will send her one to thank her for coming and leave it at that for now