also posted on BHB- I need advice

nferrandi Posted: Jun 14, 2005 07:27 PM

also posted on BHB- I need advice

My BIL is getting married this Saturday and DH is the BM. The BP is going early to take pictures in the city and then the family is supposed to meet them at the hall at 4:45 for pictures.
Now here's the problem. My FSIL and I are FAR from friends. Actually, we can't stand each other. Now I don't know if I am supposed to go with my inlaws at 4:45 or not. I mean, you can't chose your family, and like it or not, I'm going to be her SIL and I am DH's wife.
I think I should go, but DH isn't so sure- which pisses me off in and of itself. He says its her wedding and she should get what she wants- which would be me not in any pictures. But I think that's BS. Whether we're friends or not doesn't change the fact that we're going to be family- though I use that term lightly.
What do you think I should do?

Alilp Posted: Jun 14, 2005 07:29 PM

Re: also posted on BHB- I need advice

I think you should go, you are going to be family.
Was she in your family pictures?

Plus it will annoy her. LOL.

JimmysBride Posted: Jun 14, 2005 07:40 PM

Re: also posted on BHB- I need advice

I replied on BHB

nferrandi Posted: Jun 14, 2005 07:44 PM

Re: also posted on BHB- I need advice

Posted by Alilp

I think you should go, you are going to be family.
Was she in your family pictures?

Plus it will annoy her. LOL.

Trust me, I love the fact that it will piss her off royally for me to be in any pictures- and I love that fact.
As for pictures at my wedding, she chose not to come to Planting Fields. My FIL was actually annoyed that she didn't come.
By the time we got to the reception we were done with family pictures, so we actually didn't take one with her and BIL. It was completely unintentional, we didn't even take a picture with DH's grandparents because we just got so swept up in the excitement of our reception.

melissaandsean Posted: Jun 14, 2005 08:12 PM

Re: also posted on BHB- I need advice

Posted by nferrandi

Posted by Alilp

I think you should go, you are going to be family.
Was she in your family pictures?

Plus it will annoy her. LOL.

Trust me, I love the fact that it will piss her off royally for me to be in any pictures- and I love that fact.

would this have been what you wanted on your day? people coming to annoy you?

I know you are going to be family. But it's still HER and HER FH's wedding. I would go if I was asked to go. Or I'd have my DH ask and see what they wanted.

Perhaps not the popular opinion. But that's how I feel. sorry.

I hope it all works out for everyone!

kel2004 Posted: Jun 14, 2005 09:10 PM

Re: also posted on BHB- I need advice

I think it would look bad if you did not go. You are family; why should you assume that you won't be in family pictures? If you are there, and she tries to exclude you, she will look ridiculous. The fact that your DH is not sure if you should go is also ridiculous. Good luck...

christy Posted: Jun 14, 2005 09:35 PM

Re: also posted on BHB- I need advice

Well you are family so I think you should go. You may not be asked to be in all of the pics, so dont worry. Plus, if you dont show she might think it is rude of you. Dont give her anything to complain about.

nferrandi Posted: Jun 14, 2005 10:36 PM

Re: also posted on BHB- I need advice

Posted by christy

Well you are family so I think you should go. You may not be asked to be in all of the pics, so dont worry. Plus, if you dont show she might think it is rude of you. Dont give her anything to complain about.

Good point. And she would be one to turn it around like I was the rude one for not being there.

nferrandi Posted: Jun 14, 2005 10:38 PM

Re: also posted on BHB- I need advice

Posted by melissaandsean

would this have been what you wanted on your day? people coming to annoy you?

I have no intentions of attending her wedding simply to annoy her, the fact that it will is just a bonus.

thiadora Posted: Jun 14, 2005 10:50 PM

Re: also posted on BHB- I need advice

Once you're married, you're family (even if you don't like each other). So if it were me, I wouldn't question whether I should go for the pictures. And it will really only be a few pictures. It would look strange if they take a picture with your DH's family (parents, siblings and spouses) and you aren't there.

My MIL HATES HATES HATES her sister's husband. (Was I emphatic enough ) Did she not include him in the pictures? Absolutely not. It would have been rude.

peabody Posted: Jun 14, 2005 11:15 PM

Re: also posted on BHB- I need advice

Why not just come out and ask her what she wants?

Put it on her, let her make the decision.

February05 Posted: Jun 14, 2005 11:51 PM

Re: also posted on BHB- I need advice

i would go. and when youre there, just go w/ the flow... if she wants you in pictures then be in them, if not, then dont... BUT i think if you dont go, it will end up reflecting badly on You. i honestly think it would seem more awkward if you werent there.

AJsMommy122 Posted: Jun 15, 2005 01:01 AM

Re: also posted on BHB- I need advice

Are you going to the RD? I assume yes. If I was in the situation I would ask her at the RD in front of your IL's and see what she says.

I personally would go and if you arent 'invited' into a picture it just makes her look THAT MUCH worse then she already does
Why should YOU have to feel left out when really she is the newcomer to the family!!!

shamrock12472 Posted: Jun 15, 2005 08:51 AM

Re: also posted on BHB- I need advice

I would go because you are part of the family, like it or not. I have a BIL that most of the family is not fond of but I would have never of thought of leaving him out of the family pictures. What would that say to DH's sister and her children, my in-laws? Regardless of her feelings towards you, you should be able to stand next to your husband as his wife and possible future mother of her child. If she doesn't like it, she is going to have to learn how to grow up and act like an adult.

Stacey04 Posted: Jun 15, 2005 09:21 AM

Re: also posted on BHB- I need advice

Posted by neeniebean86

i would go. and when youre there, just go w/ the flow... if she wants you in pictures then be in them, if not, then dont... BUT i think if you dont go, it will end up reflecting badly on You. i honestly think it would seem more awkward if you werent there.

I agree. It will look bad if you aren't there. It is your family now too.

suven Posted: Jun 15, 2005 09:22 AM

Re: also posted on BHB- I need advice

IMO, this isn't even a 'question' that should be asked. (in terms of asking the bride if you should be in the photo)

You are married to her (almost) husband's brother. You are supposed to be in the family photo.

tourist Posted: Jun 15, 2005 09:36 AM

Re: also posted on BHB- I need advice

Yes, you should go for pictures. Esp. since it is at the hall, so you would be going there anyway. I'm sure his parents would like a picture with their sons & their wives.

nferrandi Posted: Jun 15, 2005 09:37 AM

Re: also posted on BHB- I need advice

Posted by Soon2bMsZ

Are you going to the RD? I assume yes. If I was in the situation I would ask her at the RD in front of your IL's and see what she says.

They're not having a RD. Well at least they weren't planning on it. But then my FSIL's parents called my in laws to invite them for dinner the night before the wedding. They said it was just going to be the parents and the bride and groom. My BIL told me that's it's actually going to be FSILs family and OOT guests but they didn't bother to invite my SIL (one of the bridesmaids) and my FH (the best man.) The whole family is screwed up.

dpli Posted: Jun 15, 2005 09:39 AM

Re: also posted on BHB- I need advice

Posted by neeniebean86

i would go. and when youre there, just go w/ the flow... if she wants you in pictures then be in them, if not, then dont... BUT i think if you dont go, it will end up reflecting badly on You. i honestly think it would seem more awkward if you werent there.

This is exactly what I was going to say. Good luck!

oneday Posted: Jun 15, 2005 09:47 AM

Re: also posted on BHB- I need advice

I think you should probably go b/c if you don't I agree, I think it might make you look bad, but - now, this is your DH's brother's fiance? Couldn't your husband (or you if you speak to him much) ask your BIL what they want? Part of me, after reading all the ways this girl has been a awful to you, says go and try to get in EVERY picture just to make her crazy, but, the nicer part of me figures it's better for you to be the bigger person and let her have her day however she wants it. Sorry you have to deal with this!