also posted on BHB- I need advice

Original post by nferrandi

Jun 14, 2005 07:27 PM

My BIL is getting married this Saturday and DH is the BM. The BP is going early to take pictures in the city and then the family is supposed to meet them at the hall at 4:45 for pictures.
Now here's the problem. My FSIL and I are FAR from friends. Actually, we can't stand each other. Now I don't know if I am supposed to go with my inlaws at 4:45 or not. I mean, you can't chose your family, and like it or not, I'm going to be her SIL and I am DH's wife.
I think I should go, but DH isn't so sure- which pisses me off in and of itself. He says its her wedding and she should get what she wants- which would be me not in any pictures. But I think that's BS. Whether we're friends or not doesn't change the fact that we're going to be family- though I use that term lightly.
What do you think I should do?

mv1003 Posted: Jun 15, 2005 04:13 PM

Re: also posted on BHB- I need advice

I was first going to suggest asking her in front of your In-laws, that way, she can't turn anything around. However, since she's not having a RD....... if I were you, I would go and let her tell me not to be in the pictures. Worst case, you'll be in one or two,and then, she'll have to ask you to step out. Depending on how SHE handles herself, She'll look like the idiot.

I'm someone who doesn't speak to my own cousin and didnt' want to even invite her to my wedding. My Mom forced me to, and when she didn't even send a card, let alone a gift, she looked bad, not me.

AJsMommy122 Posted: Jun 15, 2005 04:33 PM

Re: also posted on BHB- I need advice

Posted by nferrandi

They're not having a RD. Well at least they weren't planning on it. But then my FSIL's parents called my in laws to invite them for dinner the night before the wedding. They said it was just going to be the parents and the bride and groom. My BIL told me that's it's actually going to be FSILs family and OOT guests but they didn't bother to invite my SIL (one of the bridesmaids) and my FH (the best man.) The whole family is screwed up.

He is your DH now ( you posted FH)

If that is the case I would just show up.. if she leaves you out she looks horrible and petty!!!

Actually now that you posted this I feel a little bad. DH's brother was our best man. The girl he is dating... well I do not like her and she dosent like me.. we try to get along for my bil sake. Anyway we didnt ask ANYONE to come early for pictures and when the parents arrived a little before the CH we took family pictures then. She was MIA in the cocktail hour for most of it but there were a few pics where she stood on the sidelines and watched. That day I wasnt thinking about it but looking back I SHOULD have invited her into at least one picture ( even though they are not even engaged) I wouldn't put that exact picture in my album but it probably would have made her feel less left out

Sonicstef Posted: Jun 15, 2005 05:03 PM

Re: also posted on BHB- I need advice

I would ask her directly what she wants and I would do what she asks. If she doesnt want u to come, consider yourself lucky for not having to deal with her for an extra minute. If she wants you to come, consider that her doing the right thing.

Either way - I wouldnt do something to upset the bride. Yea, you may hate her but you dont want to do something that makes you out to be the bad guy on her wedding day.

princess99 Posted: Jun 16, 2005 06:42 AM

Re: also posted on BHB- I need advice

I would go. I hate my SIl, she is an evil b^%&, no one in the family likes her. but she was there while we took pics and she is in a few, I wanted to air brush her out, but did the mature thing and left her in the one family pic in my album. I did not even question if she was going to be in a few pics, it was just understood like it or not. I knew she was going to be at the pics. I was cordial, that was it. HTH

nferrandi Posted: Jun 16, 2005 10:12 AM

Re: also posted on BHB- I need advice

Well my DH spoke to his parents last night and they said for me to come with them, so that's what I'm going to do. Like many of you said, if she makes a big thing of it or asks me not to be in any pictures, then she's the one who will look bad, not me.
Some of you suggested that I ask her directly since she's the bride, but the fact of the matter is, we don't speak. The last time we had any interaction with her was when she was screaming and cursing at my DH saying how she'd rather we not go to their wedding at all.
So quite frankly, I don't really care what she wants. What my Il's want is much more important to me.

AJsMommy122 Posted: Jun 19, 2005 01:50 AM

Re: also posted on BHB- I need advice

Posted by nferrandi

Well my DH spoke to his parents last night and they said for me to come with them, so that's what I'm going to do. Like many of you said, if she makes a big thing of it or asks me not to be in any pictures, then she's the one who will look bad, not me.
Some of you suggested that I ask her directly since she's the bride, but the fact of the matter is, we don't speak. The last time we had any interaction with her was when she was screaming and cursing at my DH saying how she'd rather we not go to their wedding at all.
So quite frankly, I don't really care what she wants. What my Il's want is much more important to me.

You know im kind of suprised that your bil is going to marry this girl. If my BIL's gf ever said that to me and DH I think ( or would hope) that he would think twice about what kind of person she is. I know your DH is a twin and you have mentioned they are very close. I don't see how your BIL could let her talk that way about his own flesh & blood - literally!!