Can I get some drama please

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Posted by PegaLega

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Posted by Aug07OFCbride

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Posted by PegaLega


Caroline you know I love you! But iwth that said I totally get this post. I understand venting....but this is a regular thing-he does something you come on and vent-like we all do. But to post a rant about this and how you are crying your eyes out, etc. then you are going to see a lawyer but now you are going to BBQs? Im confused-what do you want from him? It seems like he is doing everything he can to push you away and show you he doesnt care yet you stay and act like everything is honky dory. I understand you want to work it out but over the past year this is all we have heard of your relationship-nothing nice....at least if you did I dont remember it (sorry for that) but naturally we all jump to your defense and support you but then you make us wonder w t f happened that you are spending time with his family and friends after he made you out to look like an asss? Im sorry but yes in that situation regardless (go SIL) you do look like an asss-its like the boy who cried wolf and that is what is 'feels' like since its almost like that whole convo just disappeared. Im not trying to get on you-im really not so P LEASE dont take it that awy.

I understand that Ella is involved...no I dont have children and the worst thing parents can do is stay under one roof when they do not love each other. Ella can sense that, you dont even need to be fighting for her to know what is going on-and later in life she will despise both of you for it.
My parents seperated and it was the best thing they ever did-I STILL over 20 years later remember them hating each other and staying together for the sake of children. That is just not a good enough excuse. She is going to think in the future when she is older that that kind of behavior from a man is ok the more you let her see it.

I have to agree withBeth, it does seem like this has become a joke-everyone aske dif you were ok for days and checked in with you....you were no where to be found-then you post a pic off of Perez and still dont update those around you who are truly wondering and worried about your well being?

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peg kinda in response to you and also just generally...

she has nothing to prove to any of us. she doesnt need to get divorced (or do it quickly) to make all of us feel better. its not our decision. even if you were a child of separation or divorce, you have no idea how it will affect HER child so making those assumptions or trying to make her feel worse about it based on that really isn't fair.

if youre tired of hearing her vent, bc shes then not following through the way YOU think she should (ie- she should leave him right away, answer posts or FMs from concerned ppl on here, etc), ignore her posts.

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IM sorry to tell you this, and Jess as a Psychology major you SHOULD know this-no matter what if steps arent taken to make the situation a happy and healthy one that child WILL be affected. A child can sense anger even if no words are spoken, the can sense fear too. Im not saying Ella will be some psycho pathic girl what Im saying is she will be affected and if you dont think she will I have to say its a bit on the naive side-all children are affected-you can come from a perfect home and be affected in some way, Im saying that Caroline is worried about her daughter bc she is involved but in order for the situation to be better SHE has to take steps to fix HERSELF and her happines and show that to Ella or she will take away from it anger, distress and apathy!!!!!

Im not saying she needs ot leave right away but out of random curiousity when do you think she should?

he is emotionally tramatizing and her so she should stay? Its the same as a woman who gets hit....when do you say enough is enough?

I know only she can make that choice-Im not telling her 'listen to me' im saying hear what I have to say and understnad what I am trying to say-not im right so you should take my advice-im just saying step back

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you say things better than me. That's what I am trying to say as well. Thanks

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Posted by lillprincess54

peg kinda in response to you and also just generally...

she has nothing to prove to any of us. she doesnt need to get divorced (or do it quickly) to make all of us feel better. its not our decision. even if you were a child of separation or divorce, you have no idea how it will affect HER child so making those assumptions or trying to make her feel worse about it based on that really isn't fair.

if youre tired of hearing her vent, bc shes then not following through the way YOU think she should (ie- she should leave him right away, answer posts or FMs from concerned ppl on here, etc), ignore her posts.

Message edited 7/7/2008 3:03:59 PM



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some people on here are just complete A$$ES

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I KNOW you arent calling me an asss for stating my opinion? because I hope you NEVER post your opinion on here...get over yourself

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Posted by lillprincess54

peg kinda in response to you and also just generally...

she has nothing to prove to any of us. she doesnt need to get divorced (or do it quickly) to make all of us feel better. its not our decision. even if you were a child of separation or divorce, you have no idea how it will affect HER child so making those assumptions or trying to make her feel worse about it based on that really isn't fair.

if youre tired of hearing her vent, bc shes then not following through the way YOU think she should (ie- she should leave him right away, answer posts or FMs from concerned ppl on here, etc), ignore her posts.

Message edited 7/7/2008 3:03:59 PM



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some people on here are just complete A$$ES

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I'm sorry.... Peg is not an @ss... she, as do a lot of us, care about caroline's well being.

sometimes other people's opinions or beliefs are hard to hear when you are in a situation like hers.

but who are YOU to call someone an @ss bc you don't agree with them?

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Posted by PegaLega

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Posted by lillprincess54

peg kinda in response to you and also just generally...

she has nothing to prove to any of us. she doesnt need to get divorced (or do it quickly) to make all of us feel better. its not our decision. even if you were a child of separation or divorce, you have no idea how it will affect HER child so making those assumptions or trying to make her feel worse about it based on that really isn't fair.

if youre tired of hearing her vent, bc shes then not following through the way YOU think she should (ie- she should leave him right away, answer posts or FMs from concerned ppl on here, etc), ignore her posts.

Message edited 7/7/2008 3:03:59 PM



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some people on here are just complete A$$ES

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I KNOW you arent calling me an asss for stating my opinion? because I hope you NEVER post your opinion on here...get over yourself

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bring the mf fury.

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Posted by Aug07OFCbride

if youre tired of hearing her vent, bc shes then not following through the way YOU think she should (ie- she should leave him right away, answer posts or FMs from concerned ppl on here, she should not post anything funny or random bc of whats going on, etc), ignore her posts.

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i must respectively disagree on this point. i think a lot of us have seen caroline's posts for a loooooong time now and seen how she is treated by her husband.....offer advice and feel frustrated for her by what shes going thru. what has happened to her is terrible and some things that he's done and said to her border on a verbal/mental/emtional abuse. so it shouldn't be a case of saying 'just ignore' her posts....since its obvious that she's going thru hell. i think i can understand how some people might feel frustrated at seeing the posts and wondering why she stays.

i never pointed my finger at who i was calling A$$, you guys are able to post your thoughts on the situtaion so why cant I

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Posted by PegaLega


IM sorry to tell you this, and Jess as a Psychology major you SHOULD know this-no matter what if steps arent taken to make the situation a happy and healthy one that child WILL be affected. A child can sense anger even if no words are spoken, the can sense fear too. Im not saying Ella will be some psycho pathic girl what Im saying is she will be affected and if you dont think she will I have to say its a bit on the naive side-all children are affected-you can come from a perfect home and be affected in some way, Im saying that Caroline is worried about her daughter bc she is involved but in order for the situation to be better SHE has to take steps to fix HERSELF and her happines and show that to Ella or she will take away from it anger, distress and apathy!!!!!

Im not saying she needs ot leave right away but out of random curiousity when do you think she should?

he is emotionally tramatizing and her so she should stay? Its the same as a woman who gets hit....when do you say enough is enough?

I know only she can make that choice-Im not telling her 'listen to me' im saying hear what I have to say and understnad what I am trying to say-not im right so you should take my advice-im just saying step back

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peg, sorry to tell you this, but none of us can predict what will happen in this situation. we also don't know the whole story, but clearly steps HAVE been taken. she doesnt NEED to update us on every little aspect of her life and her decisions.

btw, i too am a child of divorce and i don't always think divorce is the right answer for everyone.

to be clear, i didn't say she should stay or go (its SO not my call). and i dont think i need to tell caroline, or you, when i think the right time would be to go.

yes im in a doctoral program in clinical psych, which gives me no expertise here (as im not a licensed psychologist) and i wouldnt push anything ive learned on her.

im just talking about being sensitive to the fact that not everyone will handle it the way we think they should, so not sure why ppl are getting personally offended by how she has chosen to handle things.

But she can't just leave. From what I understand with family court preceedings, if she leaves, and takes Ella, he could later use that against her in court. I don't know what the legal terminology would be, but it could be kidnapping or something. All I know is that this could make it worse for her in the end with custody issues. So for everyone who keeps asking why she is still 'with' him, she is physically in the same house because I think she has to be.

Caroline I just have these for you.

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Posted by lillprincess54

i never pointed my finger at who i was calling A$$, you guys are able to post your thoughts on the situtaion so why cant I

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sorry but you quoted aug07's post directed at peg and ppl in general----to me it looked like you were calling Peg and @ss as well.

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Posted by PegaLega

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Posted by lillprincess54

peg kinda in response to you and also just generally...

she has nothing to prove to any of us. she doesnt need to get divorced (or do it quickly) to make all of us feel better. its not our decision. even if you were a child of separation or divorce, you have no idea how it will affect HER child so making those assumptions or trying to make her feel worse about it based on that really isn't fair.

if youre tired of hearing her vent, bc shes then not following through the way YOU think she should (ie- she should leave him right away, answer posts or FMs from concerned ppl on here, etc), ignore her posts.

Message edited 7/7/2008 3:03:59 PM



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some people on here are just complete A$$ES

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I KNOW you arent calling me an asss for stating my opinion? because I hope you NEVER post your opinion on here...get over yourself

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No Peg I think I'm the donkey in the room, not you. O well. I've been called worse.

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Posted by missliss

But she can't just leave. From what I understand with family court preceedings, if she leaves, and takes Ella, he could later use that against her in court. I don't know what the legal terminology would be, but it could be kidnapping or something. All I know is that this could make it worse for her in the end with custody issues. So for everyone who keeps asking why she is still 'with' him, she is physically in the same house because I think she has to be.

Caroline I just have these for you.

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She can ask him to leave for a bit for things to get sorted out. She of course can't just take Ella.

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Posted by leafgirl

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Posted by PegaLega

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Posted by lillprincess54

peg kinda in response to you and also just generally...

she has nothing to prove to any of us. she doesnt need to get divorced (or do it quickly) to make all of us feel better. its not our decision. even if you were a child of separation or divorce, you have no idea how it will affect HER child so making those assumptions or trying to make her feel worse about it based on that really isn't fair.

if youre tired of hearing her vent, bc shes then not following through the way YOU think she should (ie- she should leave him right away, answer posts or FMs from concerned ppl on here, etc), ignore her posts.

Message edited 7/7/2008 3:03:59 PM



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some people on here are just complete A$$ES

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I KNOW you arent calling me an asss for stating my opinion? because I hope you NEVER post your opinion on here...get over yourself

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No Peg I think I'm the donkey in the room, not you. O well. I've been called worse.

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I like your hat. Is that the urban sombrero?

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Posted by missliss

But she can't just leave. From what I understand with family court preceedings, if she leaves, and takes Ella, he could later use that against her in court. I don't know what the legal terminology would be, but it could be kidnapping or something. All I know is that this could make it worse for her in the end with custody issues. So for everyone who keeps asking why she is still 'with' him, she is physically in the same house because I think she has to be.

Caroline I just have these for you.

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this is true. I cannot just up & go to a hotel or a friend's etc. I also cannot leave the state with her without his permission once the divorce papers have been filed. And if HE leaves, its considered abandonment, so he won't move out yet. So we must find a way to semi-peacefully co-exist for now.

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Posted by MJDoc12

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Posted by lillprincess54

i never pointed my finger at who i was calling A$$, you guys are able to post your thoughts on the situtaion so why cant I

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sorry but you quoted aug07's post directed at peg and ppl in general----to me it looked like you were calling Peg and @ss as well.

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yes i noticed it after words i copied it wrong, yes i understand people have there own thoughts on the situation just as i myself may have differents thoughts to me. Trust me i would never point a finger directly to someone

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Posted by leafgirl

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Posted by missliss

But she can't just leave. From what I understand with family court preceedings, if she leaves, and takes Ella, he could later use that against her in court. I don't know what the legal terminology would be, but it could be kidnapping or something. All I know is that this could make it worse for her in the end with custody issues. So for everyone who keeps asking why she is still 'with' him, she is physically in the same house because I think she has to be.

Caroline I just have these for you.

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She can ask him to leave for a bit for things to get sorted out. She of course can't just take Ella.

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I think she did. I could be wrong, but I think he refused. I don't know where one goes from there, I don't know if you can legally kick him out.

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Posted by carolinebr

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Posted by missliss

But she can't just leave. From what I understand with family court preceedings, if she leaves, and takes Ella, he could later use that against her in court. I don't know what the legal terminology would be, but it could be kidnapping or something. All I know is that this could make it worse for her in the end with custody issues. So for everyone who keeps asking why she is still 'with' him, she is physically in the same house because I think she has to be.

Caroline I just have these for you.

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this is true. I cannot just up & go to a hotel or a friend's etc. I also cannot leave the state with her without his permission once the divorce papers have been filed. And if HE leaves, its considered abandonment, so he won't move out yet. So we must find a way to semi-peacefully co-exist for now.

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Caroline--is there any way you can ask him to like move back to his mom's for awhile so you don't have to co-exist in the same house? and if he does you agree you won't make it a case of abandonment? you said your MIL understands the situation, maybe you can ask her if she can do that for a little while so you can have your proper space...vs. having to be in a house with a man you really don't want to be around right now?

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Posted by MeNBobs

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Posted by leafgirl

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Posted by PegaLega

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Posted by lillprincess54

peg kinda in response to you and also just generally...

she has nothing to prove to any of us. she doesnt need to get divorced (or do it quickly) to make all of us feel better. its not our decision. even if you were a child of separation or divorce, you have no idea how it will affect HER child so making those assumptions or trying to make her feel worse about it based on that really isn't fair.

if youre tired of hearing her vent, bc shes then not following through the way YOU think she should (ie- she should leave him right away, answer posts or FMs from concerned ppl on here, etc), ignore her posts.

Message edited 7/7/2008 3:03:59 PM



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some people on here are just complete A$$ES

---

I KNOW you arent calling me an asss for stating my opinion? because I hope you NEVER post your opinion on here...get over yourself

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No Peg I think I'm the donkey in the room, not you. O well. I've been called worse.

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I like your hat. Is that the urban sombrero?

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It's alright. I would like one with more color though.

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Posted by Aug07OFCbride

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Posted by PegaLega

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Posted by Aug07OFCbride

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Posted by PegaLega


Caroline you know I love you! But iwth that said I totally get this post. I understand venting....but this is a regular thing-he does something you come on and vent-like we all do. But to post a rant about this and how you are crying your eyes out, etc. then you are going to see a lawyer but now you are going to BBQs? Im confused-what do you want from him? It seems like he is doing everything he can to push you away and show you he doesnt care yet you stay and act like everything is honky dory. I understand you want to work it out but over the past year this is all we have heard of your relationship-nothing nice....at least if you did I dont remember it (sorry for that) but naturally we all jump to your defense and support you but then you make us wonder w t f happened that you are spending time with his family and friends after he made you out to look like an asss? Im sorry but yes in that situation regardless (go SIL) you do look like an asss-its like the boy who cried wolf and that is what is 'feels' like since its almost like that whole convo just disappeared. Im not trying to get on you-im really not so P LEASE dont take it that awy.

I understand that Ella is involved...no I dont have children and the worst thing parents can do is stay under one roof when they do not love each other. Ella can sense that, you dont even need to be fighting for her to know what is going on-and later in life she will despise both of you for it.
My parents seperated and it was the best thing they ever did-I STILL over 20 years later remember them hating each other and staying together for the sake of children. That is just not a good enough excuse. She is going to think in the future when she is older that that kind of behavior from a man is ok the more you let her see it.

I have to agree withBeth, it does seem like this has become a joke-everyone aske dif you were ok for days and checked in with you....you were no where to be found-then you post a pic off of Perez and still dont update those around you who are truly wondering and worried about your well being?

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peg kinda in response to you and also just generally...

she has nothing to prove to any of us. she doesnt need to get divorced (or do it quickly) to make all of us feel better. its not our decision. even if you were a child of separation or divorce, you have no idea how it will affect HER child so making those assumptions or trying to make her feel worse about it based on that really isn't fair.

if youre tired of hearing her vent, bc shes then not following through the way YOU think she should (ie- she should leave him right away, answer posts or FMs from concerned ppl on here, etc), ignore her posts.

---

IM sorry to tell you this, and Jess as a Psychology major you SHOULD know this-no matter what if steps arent taken to make the situation a happy and healthy one that child WILL be affected. A child can sense anger even if no words are spoken, the can sense fear too. Im not saying Ella will be some psycho pathic girl what Im saying is she will be affected and if you dont think she will I have to say its a bit on the naive side-all children are affected-you can come from a perfect home and be affected in some way, Im saying that Caroline is worried about her daughter bc she is involved but in order for the situation to be better SHE has to take steps to fix HERSELF and her happines and show that to Ella or she will take away from it anger, distress and apathy!!!!!

Im not saying she needs ot leave right away but out of random curiousity when do you think she should?

he is emotionally tramatizing and her so she should stay? Its the same as a woman who gets hit....when do you say enough is enough?

I know only she can make that choice-Im not telling her 'listen to me' im saying hear what I have to say and understnad what I am trying to say-not im right so you should take my advice-im just saying step back

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peg, sorry to tell you this, but none of us can predict what will happen in this situation. we also don't know the whole story, but clearly steps HAVE been taken. she doesnt NEED to update us on every little aspect of her life and her decisions.

btw, i too am a child of divorce and i don't always think divorce is the right answer for everyone.

to be clear, i didn't say she should stay or go (its SO not my call). and i dont think i need to tell caroline, or you, when i think the right time would be to go.

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I guess in this post somewhere I must have said she needed to update us
And you are right she doesnt need to-but if you are going to vent and rant about something--then all of a sudden act like nothing is wrong......it makes you wonder what is really going on.

No where did I attack her for her choices-I have just said....again.....for her to step back and realize the outstanding affect this will have on her and HER daughter in the future. And you are right we DONT KNOW the exact affects but they will be there. That is a scientifically proven Fact.

I know you didnt say she should stay or go that wasnt why I asked....I asked bc if someone(anyone) is emotionally tearing someone apart how long do you think that person can handle it before they are numb? That is all, it was a rhetorical question.....I hope when all is said and done she can stop and take a look at this and smile and know that whatever she decides is what is right for her and her daughter-that is all. I dont care if she goes and lives in a banana for god sake...who cares. I just want her to be ok with whatever decision she makes and that she has been given EVERY single thought, emotion, kick in the asss she needs to see her way down that road.

If everyone sat here patting her on the back and never trying to show her or tell her what they feel she would just be getting patted on the back. All the hugs in the world arent going to make the situation better-for me to state what I know to be 96% true as a 'warning' I am not trying to hurt her-Im trying to help her.

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Posted by carolinebr

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Posted by missliss

But she can't just leave. From what I understand with family court preceedings, if she leaves, and takes Ella, he could later use that against her in court. I don't know what the legal terminology would be, but it could be kidnapping or something. All I know is that this could make it worse for her in the end with custody issues. So for everyone who keeps asking why she is still 'with' him, she is physically in the same house because I think she has to be.

Caroline I just have these for you.

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this is true. I cannot just up & go to a hotel or a friend's etc. I also cannot leave the state with her without his permission once the divorce papers have been filed. And if HE leaves, its considered abandonment, so he won't move out yet. So we must find a way to semi-peacefully co-exist for now.

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I thought you had asked him to leave already, but I wasn't sure. I was wondering how you could make him leave, but I guess if it would be considered abandonment, he def. won't leave. ugh caroline, I don't know even know what to say, i think that's why I only have the hugs. I hope there's someone close by who can give them to you in person.

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Posted by lillprincess54

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Posted by MJDoc12

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Posted by lillprincess54

i never pointed my finger at who i was calling A$$, you guys are able to post your thoughts on the situtaion so why cant I

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sorry but you quoted aug07's post directed at peg and ppl in general----to me it looked like you were calling Peg and @ss as well.

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yes i noticed it after words i copied it wrong, yes i understand people have there own thoughts on the situation just as i myself may have differents thoughts to me. Trust me i would never point a finger directly to someone

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Im watching you