So I am sure many of you will completely understand where I am coming from with this while others will think I am nuts. If you think I am nuts, that is ok, but please be kind as it this is something that is really troubling me! Thanks!
I am really having a hard time with weight/food/body image issues as of late. These issues are ones that I am no stranger to. To give a bit of background, for as long as I can remember I have always had image issues with food and very 'disordered eating.' In late high school/college I suffered from a combination of anorexia/exercise bulimia. I was super thin without periods and generally unhealthy for a long time. I met DH and my doctors put me on BC pills to help with the periods and I immediately gained weight (which was a very good thing.) Unfortunately, I gained too much weight for my build and it made me so sad. I joined Weight Watchers and lost a good chunk of the weight but still was unhappy. I tried trainers both online and real life (lol) and lost weight but was still disappointed.
For our wedding I decided that I was going to be the weight and have the look I wanted as these pictures would be forever and I know I would be devastated if i looked at myself and felt heavy. I found a nutritionist through a friend who is a fitness competitor and I started working with him. I worked really hard and managed to lose all the weight i wanted and felt perfect for our day. Here is the thing though. I still work with this Dr. and he has been advising me since the wedding to increase my food and weight. I was so reluctant to do it because I didn't want to 'get fat' again but I know he is right and that I hvae to do what is healthy for my body. I have probably put on maybe 2 pounds since the wedding which my Dr. has assured me is not body fat but just extra store carbohydrates, water weight and even muscle since now I am training extra hard, but I can't help but feel terrible. I weigh myself every day and have this massive amount of anxiety about what the scale will say or will my pants feel tighter than last time I wore them. I was so happy with the way I looked/felt at our wedding and I don't want to lose that but I know i have to be healthy. I just wish I didn't worry about these things. I thought I was past this but I guess not. I feel myself obsessing again and I am not sure what to do to stop. Luckily i have DH and a doctor making me do the healthy thing even though I want to 'diet' again to be back to my wedding day weight.
I don't know what I am asking for, I guess I just needed to write this all out and maybe hear some other stories. I know it is a very sensitive and personal topic and it took me a while to verbalize or feel brave enough to post this and I hope you understand where I am coming from.
azailia
Posted:
Member since
Re: Could use a little support! :-)
lauren,let me know if you want the name of mine.. located in nassau.
VickiR510
Posted:
Member since
Re: Could use a little support! :-)
Ok Lauren the first thing i suggest is throwing out the scale. I mean it. LOSE IT! If you are still working with this Dr. then he should be the only person to weigh you. Even though i dont have much experience with anorexia/bulimia or image issues, i can somewhat understand. there is a very fine line to excercising & then obsessive excercising. i think perhaps you should seek the help of a therapist. talk to someone about this & your fears & maybe they can help you figure out the best way to change your views. I also think that if your nutritionist is telling you to gain weight (in a healthy way) that it must be important & if you do want children i think it may be even more important. All of these things play a huge role in production (as u r well aware). U need to take it a day at a time & a pound at a time. Good luck to you. i want you to be healthy in every way the first way to start is with the mind.
XOXO if i can help in anyway please dont hesitate to ask or talk or email.
MLAngelo
Posted:
Member since
Re: Could use a little support! :-)
I wish I knew what to say a to be a help but i have no experience with what your going through other then having seen friends going through similar issues. I just want to say I hope your ok and I am thinking of you.
