do you let your DH have some 'freedom?'?

My DH has a poker night and an OTB night (I think he has a gambling problem ) It doesnt bother me one bit unless he doesnt call me and let me know whats going on. He MUST have his cell phone with him just in case I really need to talk to him. Oh yeah, another requirement to be able to go out and play he MUST give me 2 hours during the week to be alone and child free.

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Posted by JimmysBride

I wish I could be more liberal than I am. I never tell him he can't do something or not 'let' him go out, I just him a hard time sometimes... often unnecessarily. And most times I end up being more mad at myself for ever giving him a hard time about it but the fact is...well, I don't like it when HE goes out and I DON'T.

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That's how I feel. Honestly he has a huge group of single guy friends who still call all the time like he is single--I don't mind the occasional guy night, but every Friday and Saturday is a lot--I don't feel very married when he is not home on the weekends. Plus I started resenting guy weekends away. I've been married maybe 4 months, and there have been 3 or so Friday-Sunday night all guy trips to Atlantic City or so. We have so little time together during the week that when he is gone ALL WEEKEND it takes away from us. Plus I end up doing all the house stuff when he is away having fun, or else there are no clean clothes or food. And when he spends all his spare $$ on time with the guys playing poker or whatever and then complains about dinner and movies with me.

I would say anything in moderation is fine, but in my case for a while before we talked it was much more than in moderation--I rarely saw him.

ETA: I think what bothers me the most is we both have so little free time that when he chooses to spend a whole weekend with the guys it is like it doesn't bother him that he doesn't have any quality time with me for a week. I would hope he would WANT to spend weekend time with me. He got better once I talked to him, and now we often go out to bars with his friends together (though I admit I have more homebody tendences and would often rather stay in).

The one thing that bothers me on this post is the words 'LET HIM' go out

Ummm when did we become their parents
They should be able to make their own choice on where they want to go

DH certainly doesn't need my permission to tell him where or what he can do
and same goes for me . I go where I want when I want

I wouldnt have it any other way!

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Posted by MamanDaddyof2

The one thing that bothers me on this post is the words 'LET HIM' go out

Ummm when did we become their parents
They should be able to make their own choice on where they want to go

DH certainly doesn't need my permission to tell him where or what he can do
and same goes for me . I go where I want when I want

I wouldnt have it any other way!

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See, I don't really see it that way. When we got married the officiant said you are joining together, and this union is greater than each of you individually and the union and marriage will now become the priority. I always have the courtesy to ask or tell him before going out. It's not a 'can I' issue, it's just a respect issue. I expect the same of him. I definitely make different decisions than when I was single. It's a totally different thing now.

I WISH he would leave the house sometimes. LOL But he does go to happy hour with his friend sometimes. Or goes out when his friends come to town. And he'll ask me out of respect, but I would never say No unless we had something important planned.

ANd this weekend we're going to VA, but he's going tonight to Monday and I'm going Friday to sunday, and we won't even be staying in the same house. It was actually going to be a 'boys weekend' but our friend is having a christening, so I'm going for that then coming home.

But I have no problem if he wants some time on his own. I love my 'me time'. I wish I had more of it, but most of his friends live out of town, so it's hard.

I want to add too, that DH does 'ask' me, and I appreciate that, and if I said no for good reason, he would not do something, and vice versa. I have asked him once or twice to go somewhere where he said NO, but then explained why and I didnt go..out of respect for him though.

I know the words'let him/her' are strong, but its true in some situations, like the one I pointed out about DH's friend. His wife literally does not LET him go, she will fight, cry , scream and make his life miserable. Its his problem too of course for allowing it, but I cant see her point in the first place!

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Posted by nov04LIbride

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Posted by MamanDaddyof2

The one thing that bothers me on this post is the words 'LET HIM' go out

Ummm when did we become their parents
They should be able to make their own choice on where they want to go

DH certainly doesn't need my permission to tell him where or what he can do
and same goes for me . I go where I want when I want

I wouldnt have it any other way!

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See, I don't really see it that way. When we got married the officiant said you are joining together, and this union is greater than each of you individually and the union and marriage will now become the priority. I always have the courtesy to ask or tell him before going out. It's not a 'can I' issue, it's just a respect issue. I expect the same of him. I definitely make different decisions than when I was single. It's a totally different thing now.

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Maman- i understand what you're saying about using the words 'LET him',but i dont think its in the sense of making him ask Permission... but more so what Nov04 is saying... its a sign of respect. and i think (i know for myself anyway).. when i think of saying 'let him go out'... i dont mean it in the way that 'Okay, ill unbolt the door and let him out for some air' but that i'm not gonna give him cr@p when he comes home, just b/c he was out all night with the guys.

and i do think, in a relationship, we 'let' each other do things. he lets me sleep late while he's doing things around the apartment. it doesnt mean that i need his permission to sleep late, just that he doesnt 'interfere' in something i like to do.

anyway, i dont really know what my point is here but My logic is that I'm not just living by & for just Myself anymore.. and neither is he. Is he going to jump in front of the door and block it when i go to leave? No. But im also not going to just get up and walk out the door without mentioning where im going (unless he REALLY pi$$ed me off that day) but anyway, i would expect the same thought and respect in return.

I mean I hate when a wife/gf gets mad at her fh/dh if they wanna do something without her

We all need time without our significant others so I just dont think a wife should pout or be mad when he wants to go somewhere ....we are adults now and if you cant trust your dh than you shouldnt be married

I hope that doesnt sound confrontational or argumentative and I am DEFINITELY not trying to start drama I am just saying thats what I meant

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Posted by MamanDaddyof2

I mean I hate when a wife/gf gets mad at her fh/dh if they wanna do something without her

We all need time without our significant others so I just dont think a wife should pout or be mad when he wants to go somewhere ....we are adults now and if you cant trust your dh than you shouldnt be married

I hope that doesnt sound confrontational or argumentative and I am DEFINITELY not trying to start drama I am just saying thats what I meant

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ohhh Definately No drama... i know exactly what youre saying


BUT... if i didnt Pout, then i'd NEVER get my way

yup--tonight he is with the guys playing xbox and cards. i went out to FRIDAYS with the girls--we have the same circle of friends so it's perfect--we always check with the other though just out of respect. we both know how important it is to each of us to maintain our friendships