Does anyone else feel overwhelmed by all..

the additional work that you have to do now that you are married? I love being married but didn't realize all the extra chores and errands I now have to do. Am I the only one?

Re: Does anyone else feel overwhelmed by all..

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Posted by shamrock12472

the additional work that you have to do now that you are married? I love being married but didn't realize all the extra chores and errands I now have to do. Am I the only one?

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Honestly, yes. I thought chores would be evenly split but I soon learned that 'evenly' meant me doing everything while he watches football and plays online poker. I'd love to say that he makes it up to me by bringing me flowers and chocolates as other people have posted, but truthfully I haven't gotten any presents or cards saying just how lucky he is to be my husband, and he wouldn't have even remembered our 1 month anniversary if I hadn't sent him an ecard. Hoping it just takes a while to adjust. I just don't want to start being the one doing everything--shopping, laundry, cleaning, etc.--because I think that will set a precedence and I will be doing everything forever.

Re: Does anyone else feel overwhelmed by all..

I think its overwelming to live with anyone for the first time (i lived with my husband before getting married so there was no adjustment for us after we got married). It takes a while to adjust to his quirks.

Re: Does anyone else feel overwhelmed by all..

I def. think the additional things are tough to get done and become stressfull especially when you work all day. We try and split stuff, but I am so annul that I end up doing a lot of the cleaning..

There are some things that I noticed he takes initiative on first, so I try to step back....like doing the laundry, putting it in the dryer, ironing, and dumping the garbage..He also likes food shopping..which I can't stand doing..

I am still adjusting and think it will only take time until you both find your daily routines..Don't worry!!!

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Posted by nov04LIbride

Honestly, yes. I thought chores would be evenly split but I soon learned that 'evenly' meant me doing everything while he watches football and plays online poker. I'd love to say that he makes it up to me by bringing me flowers and chocolates as other people have posted, but truthfully I haven't gotten any presents or cards saying just how lucky he is to be my husband, and he wouldn't have even remembered our 1 month anniversary if I hadn't sent him an ecard. Oh yeah, one month and loving it. Hoping it just takes a while to adjust. I just don't want to start being the one doing everything--shopping, laundry, cleaning, etc.--because I think that will set a precedence and I will be doing everything forever.

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Re: Does anyone else feel overwhelmed by all..

Another word to wise: Dont allow yourself to shoulder the entire burden if you are both working. He eats and dirties things too, make sure he is doing his part. Sometimes its easier to just do it yourself than to nag or demand..but in the long run you dont want to set yourself up to be doing all that work forever. He probably doesnt realize how little he is doing....so you have to discuss it.

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Posted by Sonicstef

Another word to wise: Dont allow yourself to shoulder the entire burden if you are both working. He eats and dirties things too, make sure he is doing his part. Sometimes its easier to just do it yourself than to nag or demand..but in the long run you dont want to set yourself up to be doing all that work forever. He probably doesnt realize how little he is doing....so you have to discuss it.

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What got me was, when I discussed it with him, he had no idea he wasn't doing anything. I was like, are you dreaming that you are doing the vacuuming, washing the clothes, making the bed, making dinner...How could you be so illusioned? So I decided that I am just not doing his laundry anymore, not making his dinner....Fine with me. We'll see how that goes. I work the same hours, if not more, we make the same money, I am taking classes part time for my doctorate...It's not like I am home all day sitting on my arse.

Re: Does anyone else feel overwhelmed by all..

I live with my husband before getting married so it has been no big adjustment for us now...but it always is when you move in with someone. We balance it out pretty well though. I do most of the cleaning, he does projects around the house. HOwever, i don't do his wash unless i want to. He also will help me out cleaning if he sees me doing a bunch of stuff around the house.

Of course we both have our quirks, i can't stand when he hangs his work shirt on the banister when he comes home, he can't stand anything with food being left around (down to crumbs on the stovetop). you learn to pick your battles too......

In the end its all worth it! But you DH has to want to help you out.

Re: Does anyone else feel overwhelmed by all..

My probelm is I'll say something to him about picking up his clothes from the floor, etc. and his response is, 'Since I don't mind that there on the floor, I'm not picking them up. you mind, you pick them up....AAAAAARRRR' He has gotten a little better at picking up after himself, but now if he doesn't leave his clothes in the hamper they don't get washed (or brought to the dry cleamers) and then he doesn't have clothes for the next week. He'll learn.

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Posted by jfabbride

My probelm is I'll say something to him about picking up his clothes from the floor, etc. and his response is, 'Since I don't mind that there on the floor, I'm not picking them up. you mind, you pick them up....AAAAAARRRR' He has gotten a little better at picking up after himself, but now if he doesn't leave his clothes in the hamper they don't get washed (or brought to the dry cleamers) and then he doesn't have clothes for the next week. He'll learn.

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I guess they just all need trained! They need obedience lessons for them though!

Re: Does anyone else feel overwhelmed by all..

My DH does the same thing, however, I did his laundry once and that was it. He knows how to do it. I do hide the clothes he leaves lying around. I told him, if I have to pick them up because they are in my way, I am taking them from him. He will receive his collection back in the form of Christmas presents (unwashed!)

Re: Does anyone else feel overwhelmed by all..

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Posted by shamrock12472

My DH does the same thing, however, I did his laundry once and that was it. He knows how to do it. I do hide the clothes he leaves lying around. I told him, if I have to pick them up because they are in my way, I am taking them from him. He will receive his collection back in the form of Christmas presents (unwashed!)

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That is a great idea!!!!!!!

Re: Does anyone else feel overwhelmed by all..

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Posted by nov04LIbride


What got me was, when I discussed it with him, he had no idea he wasn't doing anything. I was like, are you dreaming that you are doing the vacuuming, washing the clothes, making the bed, making dinner...How could you be so illusioned? So I decided that I am just not doing his laundry anymore, not making his dinner....Fine with me. We'll see how that goes. I work the same hours, if not more, we make the same money, I am taking classes part time for my doctorate...It's not like I am home all day sitting on my arse.

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Heh heh - I have to laugh because I went through the same thing with DH. He not only watches football, but he has to chat online about it! And he's also in not one, but TWO fantasy leagues. And he also does online games like Party Poker and Madden football, along with some other gay all-text game. So I had to put my foot down about the chores - I refused to do his laundry, cook for him, or even buy groceries for him. I made him pitch in, because it's not fair that I should have to work a 40hour week just like him but then get stuck doing all the chores. His answer to all this was,,,, get ready to laugh,,,,'but I thought you LIKED doing chores'. HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!!!
Yeah, I just love scrubbing the skid marks out of your dirty underwear and mopping the floors. Sure, right!

But, luckily for me, he's a good listener and is very fair. He's been pitching in although he just never seems to do things when I want them done. He'll do all his chores at around midnight on Sunday
Of course I like the house cleaned first thing Saturday morning
Ah, what can you do.....

Re: Does anyone else feel overwhelmed by all..

DH and I dealt with this years ago when we first moved in together. He came from an Italian household where his mother did everything for him- cook, clean, make his bed, fold his laundry, etc... I made it very clear to him that I was not his mother and had no intentions of doing all the house chores. Now we both pitch in to get things done, and some things just go undone if neither of us feel like doing it at the time.

Re: Does anyone else feel overwhelmed by all..

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Posted by Anniegrl

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Posted by nov04LIbride


What got me was, when I discussed it with him, he had no idea he wasn't doing anything. I was like, are you dreaming that you are doing the vacuuming, washing the clothes, making the bed, making dinner...How could you be so illusioned? So I decided that I am just not doing his laundry anymore, not making his dinner....Fine with me. We'll see how that goes. I work the same hours, if not more, we make the same money, I am taking classes part time for my doctorate...It's not like I am home all day sitting on my arse.

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Heh heh - I have to laugh because I went through the same thing with DH. He not only watches football, but he has to chat online about it! And he's also in not one, but TWO fantasy leagues. And he also does online games like Party Poker and Madden football, along with some other gay all-text game. So I had to put my foot down about the chores - I refused to do his laundry, cook for him, or even buy groceries for him. I made him pitch in, because it's not fair that I should have to work a 40hour week just like him but then get stuck doing all the chores. His answer to all this was,,,, get ready to laugh,,,,'but I thought you LIKED doing chores'. HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!!!
Yeah, I just love scrubbing the skid marks out of your dirty underwear and mopping the floors. Sure, right!

But, luckily for me, he's a good listener and is very fair. He's been pitching in although he just never seems to do things when I want them done. He'll do all his chores at around midnight on Sunday
Of course I like the house cleaned first thing Saturday morning
Ah, what can you do.....

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Did we marry the same man!? My DH is also in THREE fantasy football leagues (picture our honeymoon in Jamaica with him online twice a day!), party poker...I am getting him a new computer chair for xmas cause his butt made so much of an indentation already! He is trying though, which is cute. He made tacos for dinner last week and then after said, 'See! I even loaded the dishwasher TOO!', and he smiled so wide and he looked so cute, like a toddler who went to the bathroom in the toilet for the first time.

Re: Does anyone else feel overwhelmed by all..

I think we all married the same man - football, poker, etc. My DH says why don't you take a night off from cooking... we can just have Cheerios! Yummy!

Re: Does anyone else feel overwhelmed by all..

We had a hard 6 months when we first moved in together 4 years ago. It was just a big adjustment to living with someone new. I think everyone goes through it. Everything goes soo smoothly now, and as nferrandi just said if we both don't feel like doing something it does not get done. DH is very good about doing laundry, picking up after himself, cleaning and he even cooks! I trained him very well!

Re: Does anyone else feel overwhelmed by all..

I was overwhelmed at first but I am getting used to it and now enjoy my new home with my DH.

Re: Does anyone else feel overwhelmed by all..

Actually, it may be Phil who complains about me.

Phil needs things to be orderly and clean, it is in his nature. I have also learned that he likes to do these things (cleaning, laundry, cooking, painting, etc...) himself because he thinks his way is the best way.

In the beginning I would put the groceries away, the dishes away, do his laundry BUT he always re-did or re-organized what I did. And actually that sometimes annoys me, because then I can't find things.

I do love that he does most of the cooking. Because to be quite honest I get frustrated with cooking. Like tonight, I was going to try and make meatloaf with ground turkey, but the meat was still frozen. I took out the meat this morning, I thought it would have thawed out by the time I got home from work. So I said the hell with it. I hopped on the treadmill and waited for Phil to come home to cook.

Anyway, I am very lucky that Phil does alot of the cleaning and cooking.

Re: Does anyone else feel overwhelmed by all..

We got a cleaning woman and that has worked wonders! I no longer feel like a nagging mother.