Re: Does anyone else feel overwhelmed by all..

My DH also comes from an Italian home.

It's funny because when his mother comes over to our house, she will try to wait on him and I have to tell her to stop. She gets REALLY huffy when I make him do things (her logic is...If I'm here, why can't I just help you instead of him?)

Well, the problem with that is, when you're NOT HERE, I will be stuck with too much.

My DH is a perpetual 'straighten up' kind of guy...he will move things around, straighten out the pictures on our table tops, but not dust, or vacuum, or sweap the floor, or do the dishes.

It drives me CRAZY! Why 'straighten up' the stuff on the table if there's 4 inches of dust on there??? Why not dust it first?

I have actually watched my DH sit on a couch for an entire day doing nothing but watch TV. I am starting to get smart. I'll ask him, 'So, what did you do today?' When he realizes that he didn't do anything, I will list the chores that I did and tell him what he needs to do. When that happens, he always gets stuck with the worst jobs. So, now he's getting more proactive about it!

Re: Does anyone else feel overwhelmed by all..

We didn't live together before we got married so we are going through our adjustment now. He really does try to help. He has done our laundry and he is in the process of organizing all of our finances so that we can cut some of our spending and optimize our savings.

His thing is that he wants me to 'tell' him when to help me, instead of taking the initiative. For example, he'll come across me making the bed and ask why I didn't call him in to help. I really don't mind making the bed by myself. I just want him to see something that needs to be done and to do it (wishfull thinking, I know).

Should I make up a list of chores so that he sees what needs to be done? And then tell him to take something off the list when he asks if he can help? I don't want to be anal, but I also don't want to spend my life doing the bulk of the chores.

Re: Does anyone else feel overwhelmed by all..

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Posted by thiadora

We didn't live together before we got married so we are going through our adjustment now. He really does try to help. He has done our laundry and he is in the process of organizing all of our finances so that we can cut some of our spending and optimize our savings.

His thing is that he wants me to 'tell' him when to help me, instead of taking the initiative. For example, he'll come across me making the bed and ask why I didn't call him in to help. I really don't mind making the bed by myself. I just want him to see something that needs to be done and to do it (wishfull thinking, I know).

Should I make up a list of chores so that he sees what needs to be done? And then tell him to take something off the list when he asks if he can help? I don't want to be anal, but I also don't want to spend my life doing the bulk of the chores.

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That's exactly what my DH says--and I hate having to ask him to help. I don't want to be that nagging wife! I mean, if he sees me doing something, wouldn't you figure I would take your help with it? It does take some adjusting to, but then my best friend and roommate through 4 years of college reminded me that I always did the cleaning when I lived with her and never complained! Somehow I just feel like DH should share the responsibility more. And it is soo frustrating when they are on the LazyBoy recliner all day watching tv and we are doing everything!

Re: Does anyone else feel overwhelmed by all..

What really gets me is them assuming they are 'helpping us'. How did this become my work? I have decided that I am going to make a chore chart for DH and his brother, who lives with us ( a whole other saga!) and we will all have our own chores to do. Or, they can hire a cleaning service so no one has to do it!

Re: Does anyone else feel overwhelmed by all..

I told DH that when we have kids, if he can double his salary so I can stay home, then I'll gladly do the housework because is will be my JOB. Until then though, he's stuck sharing the responsibilites with me. That's life!

Re: Does anyone else feel overwhelmed by all..

We moved in together a year b/f the wedding. The adjustment is actually now. It is harder now, one, because I am his wife and feel more responsible. I must say, the clothes on the floor drive me crazy! I admit I will leave the house a mess to wait for him to help...And he 'gets it' after a few days. i do come sometimes to a clean kitchen and the garbage out w/ the nagging. But right now I have been the slacker! I am bushed. I have not gone food shopping nor I have cleaned this week, we are in the process of moving and inbetween 2 homes. But I do pick up the slack and don't nag right now b/c he is working 3 nights a week and then working on our new home the other nights plus working all day. I watch him and get exhausted. I don't know how HE does it! But when he has downtime, he is in FRONT OF THE TV ALLLLLL Day!.

Re: Does anyone else feel overwhelmed by all..

I am so lucky -- DH is definitely more organized than I am. He is always tidy but doesn't get on my case when I'm not.
We have a cleaning lady who comes once a week, so that takes a lot of trouble out of the situation right there. I'd rather spend the $60 and be over with it, no fighting, no arguing.
I get the dry cleaning, cook, do laundry, food shop....and he just does stuff like installs whole new electrical systems, all the yard work, fixes the cars & the computers....he does what he's good at and I do what I can. I work from home, but that does NOT mean I can do stuff around the house all day. Sometimes I sit down at my desk at 9am and don't even get UP for 6 hours!!