Does it just take time?

I have been married three weeks and I am losing sleep over the stupidest little details that went wrong. I thought my day was beautiful and filled with so much love, but I can't stop obsessing...and thinking I didn't do enough, and blaming myself for the many confusions and miscommunications that happened.

Is this normal? Why is it so upsetting to me that my rose petals were not scattered in the aisle? In the scheme of life, and of what REALLY matters, this is so trivial - so why does it bother me so much? (this, amoung a few other *major* mistakes.)

I have traveled to Africa and Russia to administer Medical Aid to children, so one would think I could set something like this in perspective! I am well aware that a very small percentage of women in this world will ever even dream of having a celebration like i did, and that helps ease the insanity, but then I feel like a spoiled girl who is complaining about rose petals when people all over the world are suffering! I know the love is what really matters - so why do these feelings persist when I have the greatest husband and am loving being a Newlywed?

The Question: From reading this board I can see that it is normal to feel crappy about the little things that went wrong - but how do you keep it in perspective? For those who have been married longer: Does the angst about the little things ease up with time??

Thanks for letting me express my feelings!

I actually to some degree went through the same thing. I thought about the little things that went wrong for a while...especially for at least a few months after the wedding. In my case I just couldn't accept that something was able to go wrong when we invested so much time and hard-earned money on that one day.
The obsessing finally went away for me and looking back at all of the pictures really makes me realize that it was a perfect day.
So, the answer to your question is Yes, the obsessing should go away..

Well, you know that I experienced something similar. More toward family members who hurt us...

It does get better over time. As it gets 'older' and more things take away your attention, the memories fade.

It's my opinion that the harder we worked on our weddings, the harder it is to get over the disappointments.

But, as we have more parties, plan more things, have more happy events to look forward to, the negative memories fade.

I try to remember the postives, but the negatives are still there too.

My cousin feels the same way about her wedding. I think her wedding was the MOST SPECTACULAR event I've ever been to in my entire life. She remembers negatives.

There were SO many things that went wrong with my wedding but what really helped me is simply not to think about it. First, everytime I thought of something negative I reminded myself that its the END result that counts - we are married! This is only one day, and we have the rest of our lives to work on, the wedding is in the past!

Whenever the thought comes up, I always remind myself that its in the past and work hard to leave it back there!!!

I feel the same as you . I cant stop thinking about all of the big and little things that could have been different. But as others have said, the end result is that you are married. I am inclined to listen to newlyweds who have been married for a while to realize that the negatives do subside after a while. Unfortunatley there are some things I wont ever forget.

Honestly I cried on the plane to hawaii about little things that went wrong (mind you I dont even remember what those things were now- and it probably had to do with exhaustion too)
It takes time, keep going over the good stuff that you LOVED!
Its one day, that really is only the mark of you starting your life with your DH, think of all the great stuff you have ahead of both of you.

To answer your question though about how I put it in perspective. My mom was diagnosed with cancer 4 weeks after my wedding day! that put my whole life in perspective!
As I tell DH when he freaks about stuff, life is too short and unpredictable to worry about something that you cant change!

oh, and once you get your pics and your video, you will feel so much better because you'll see how BEAUTIFUL your day ways!

When I first posted, I didn't even realize you probably don't have your pics/video, yet.

You'll feel MUCH better once they're in!!!

Thank You all so much - I really feel better.

I was totally starting to feel like a psycho and I'm glad to know it is normal and time WILL help!

I do agree with you suven that the harder you worked on a wedding, the harder it is to accept the mistakes. I think so many LIW girls fall into this category.

Great point about pics - I have not gotten them yet, so hopefully things will feel differently when I see the day through the eyes of everyone else. Now I am MUCH more excited for my pics and video!

I found it helpful to write it all out -- on threads on this board like 'wedding regrets' and in letters to specific vendors.

It's a true adjustment to go from non-stop wedding planning to post-wedding life.

this could be a syndrome...i too obsessed for about a month after the wedding on the details that i missed or the SMALL things that went awry. and in the scheme everything was great, all i felt that day was happiness---i didn't get even a hint of upset over anything. so i think this too shall pass for you, its just a matter of time.

and your day was BEAUTIFUL....!

I think it helps hearing from family, friends and other guests all the things they enjoyed at your wedding.
I was thinking non-stop about certain aspects that irked me about the day until I realized that no one else knew it was supposed to be different.
Another reason for feeling this way is the simple fact that we all should get what we paid for.

Thank you for posting this! I find myself going over in my head the things that could have been different...I thought I was the only one --I also can't stop thinking about how we missed taking pictures in certain rooms of our hall where I really wanted to take pics...I am upset with our photographer...

I also felt a little depressed after the wedding --all this planning and it flew by --yes, I had a great time but I feel like I missed so much of it --I didn't know if it was normal to feel this way...

I was OBSESSED with what went wrong and what I could have done better. I couldn't even write my review for a few months because of it. I've been married over a year now and it's still not a good idea to talk about my cake - and it never will be. But since so many people tell me that my wedding was wonderful I've finally decided to stop fighting it and believe them. Eventually you will too!!

I feel like Im STILL going through the same thing. I know overall it was a great wedding, but since then I have been to 2 other weddings, and I cried during those (I had to quickly go into the bathroom) because, in my mind, they didnt have things go wrong as much as I did.
I know that I wouldnt notice the things that went wrong for them, just like noone but me noticed the things that went 'wrong', but I still go over the whole day in my head and WISH I could go back and do little details differently.

I feel like I didnt have as much fun as I should have, and that s*cks

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Posted by lilacwine

It's a true adjustment to go from non-stop wedding planning to post-wedding life.

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This is absolutely true. We plan for so long that our minds don't even know what to do after we are done with the wedding.

The best thing I can suggest is to throw yourself into decorating and cooking and using all of the fun shower gifts you received. After I got married, I wanted to keep planning and keep being the bride. But then I bought a few decorating magazines and went to Homegoods and Pottery Barn Outlet and I found new things to obsess over.

Oh yeah and don't forget to love your husband. Try out the new sheets you received

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Posted by May05Bride

There were SO many things that went wrong with my wedding but what really helped me is simply not to think about it. First, everytime I thought of something negative I reminded myself that its the END result that counts - we are married! This is only one day, and we have the rest of our lives to work on, the wedding is in the past!

Whenever the thought comes up, I always remind myself that its in the past and work hard to leave it back there!!!

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Great advice! I had a lot of little things go wrong too and it's important not to let them get to you.

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Posted by kbeana24

So does it take time??? Ive been to 2 weddings since mine, and they just make me sad to see things look so right for theirs, knowing what went wrong at mine. Will I ever stop feeling like my wedding wasnt good?

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First of all, just because you didn't SEE anything go wrong at those weddings, doesn't mean that things went perfectly. Those 2 brides may be home right now stressing about things that went wrong at their weddings. I think it just takes time.