Does your DH help out at home?

DH is the youngest in his family and the only son, so all his life his parents (especially his mom) and sisters did EVERYTHING for him.

so now its an adjustment cuz I want him to help me out with household chores.

Do any of you ladies have this problem? How did you get him to start doing some stuff around the house w/o feeling like your nagging him!?

Ask him to do something for you as a 'favor' and then tell him what a great job he's done. Compliments, compliments and compliments. Tell him being he does it so well, maybe he could help out more. Whatever you do, don't lash out at him, it will never get done. I've learned this the hard way and I'm still learning. Or offer to do jobs together....like the bathroom, he'll clean the tub while you clean the toilet, sink and floor. This is how I get my husband to help me with the bathroom. I tell him (and he tells me too), it's team work. Good Luck

I DID have this problem until very recently. When we got married and finally moved in together it was a huge adjustment for both of us.
I went overboard with doing things around the house every second of the day and DH just let everything slide until the last possible minute and let me handle things.
We bickered constantly and I was always 'annoyed' I guess you can say. A few months ago I was talking to one of my girlfriends who was in the same situation (she got married a few months before me) and she was in the same situation. She would ask him to do something, but she would have to ask 4 times, he wouldn't pick up his clothes, etc, etc, etc ... it made me feel better that I wasn't alone about being 'upset' over this stuff. And it got me thinking abou it a lot.
I love my husband, I was thrilled to be a newlywed, but I wasn't happy on a daily basis and I tried to fgure out how to fix it.
One night we were talking and I said that we needed to talk about everything. I did it when I wasn't upset or angry at him for something he did or didn't do. I did it just while we were hanging out and relaxing.
So I basically tried to explain to him everything I felt ... that we were a partnership, it's not just about maintaining your own little world, but our world together, that we both work full time and have responsibilities to each other and to our home. That if I ask him to do something, I expect it done in a timely matter and that I shouldn't have to ask over and over again until I get upset and then you realize you should do it. I asked him to think about me before he decides to do/not do soemthing ... We talked for a long time about everything that needs to be done and how we felt.
In the end he understood that how I felt and since then he really has made an effort to help out. He'll take the garbage out without me telling him, he'll ask me if I need help, he's even ironed all my work clothes when I was busy doing something else. He still takes his que from me, but at least I am not nagging him anymore and feeling like the maid. I'm thankful for finding someone who does help (even if it took a little talking to)

The beauty of marrying someone who has lived alone for 10 years is that he knows how to do things and continues to do many of them after you are married. I am lucky - my DH does most of the grocery shopping, his laundry and cleans the bathroom and will help me with other cleaning.

The downside is that we both have 'our way' of doing things and sometimes bicker about that.

Yes and no. He does make dinner, since he gets home a lot earlier than me. But other than that, no. I have to ask him about 7 times, and he still doesn't do it. I have given up, so now I do it myself. I even take out the garbage.

Oh yes...I'm not a maid-haha.

But actually he's neater than I am so he gets on me about not helping enough!

Yes of course he does...If lifting your feet so I can vacuum counts!

My DH is the only son and 2 sisters in his family - I can relate.

But I actually say he does help out - when he wants too, it took some time. He does all the 'manly' chores, like cutting the grass, take out the garbarge, BBQ.

Oh and he helps me fold the laundry

Friday's is my chore night I try to get everything out of the way so my weekend is free-but that hardly ever happends. Just this last Friday I said to him 'how about you help me out and just make the bed?' (I just took the sheets off to wash them) and he looked me and said 'who me, me make the bed? Its too big!' I said how do you think I do it?

Yes, he's pretty good. He probably ends up doing more cooking then I do. He helps make the bed, takes out the trash and takes the lead with giving our kittens the medicine they are currently on. The only thing he does that I find really annoying is he leaves empty drinking glasses all over the place!

Oh yeah.......and he does all of the laundry!

That would be a big fat NO!
He cooks sometimes but as far as chores, not at all.

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Posted by May2004

Just this last Friday I said to him 'how about you help me out and just make the bed?' (I just took the sheets off to make the bed) and he looked me and said 'who me, me make the bed? Its too big!' I said how do you think I do it?

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This cracked me up as my DH is very similar, it really doesn't bother me because I can handle the cleaning (vacuum, laundry, etc) but I do get a cleaning person every once in a while for a real thorough cleaning

I used to have this issue.

DH would say his all-time favorite line:

I didn't know that had to be done!!

Well NOW, he knows because we got a whiteboard and every week we update it with 'chores' that need to be done. And then we cross off the one's we've already done.

This helps him 'see' everything that needs to get done. I think before, he really didn't grasp that it was a lot of work, but now that he sees the huge a$$ list that we have, he knows he has to chip in and help out.

It works nicely for us.

For the most part, we do have chores we each like. For example, LAUNDRY is all ME! I love doing laundry. He likes to do dishes. So those are his. We each take the stuff we like and then divide up the crappy stuff like washing floors, dusting, changing the cat liter

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Posted by Donna

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Posted by May2004

Just this last Friday I said to him 'how about you help me out and just make the bed?' (I just took the sheets off to make the bed) and he looked me and said 'who me, me make the bed? Its too big!' I said how do you think I do it?

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This cracked me up as my DH is very similar, it really doesn't bother me because I can handle the cleaning (vacuum, laundry, etc) but I do get a cleaning person every once in a while for a real thorough cleaning

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I could handle it too, I just though maybe just maybe he could help a little more.

DH is getting better.... we had a talk and I told him it wasn't fair that I work a full-time job just like him but was getting stuck doing all the chores. He understood, so now I do all the cooking and he does the dishes. Only problem is he'll sometimes leave the dishes in the sink for 3 days!
His only other chores are taking out the garbage (and he doesn't even put new bags in all of the garbage pails so I have to do it ), he folds his own laundry, and cleans the small bathroom (because the master bathroom is 'too hard' according to him ).

He finally just cut the lawn in the backyard (which is like 12 ft x 12 ft) the other day after I nagged him for about 3 weeks. The grass was 2 feet high!

Ugh.... why are some men so LAZY!!!!

Thanks ladies..I'll try to talk to him about it more camly cuz usually I let it get to the point where I get irritated and definately dont communicate in a positive way.

I guess it'll take time. I know its partly that hes lazy and partly that alot of the times he just doesnt realize the things he could do to help out. But I will make it clear to him what he can do to help out and I think eventually he'll come around.

Im surprised some of you dont mind that your DHs dont do anything. I told DH that as long as we are both working F/T then we both have to contribute to chores cuz its not fair that I be expected to do everything! My mom spoiled my dad and she does EVERYTHING, the only thing my dad does is make coffee in the morning, and now its too late to change him so she warns me I have to 'train' DH early on!

He did not really help before, but he is helping A LOT lately without me asking!
I didn't bother asking him to help, I just wanted him to keep his desk clean and throw the garbage out, and believe, it was never done!
He's always cook though, no complains there maybe from his part because I hate the kitchen.
But like I said, lately he is cleaning the kitchen, emptying the dishwasher and filling it, vacuuming; I'm very happy!!!

I have to say my DH does EVERYTHING I really don't do much. I am out of the house alot more than he is between working longer hours and commuting. He is so great which really suprised me coming from a family of 7 kids and he being the youngest.

edited for my lousy spelling!

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Posted by Soon2BMrsA
Im surprised some of you dont mind that your DHs dont do anything. I told DH that as long as we are both working F/T then we both have to contribute to chores cuz its not fair that I be expected to do everything! My mom spoiled my dad and she does EVERYTHING, the only thing my dad does is make coffee in the morning, and now its too late to change him so she warns me I have to 'train' DH early on!

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I was surprised too, while reading the responses.

We both work F/T jobs (2 of them) so we both have little time at home (which helps because it doesn't get too dirty) but, there is just NO WAY I could do it all on my own and I'd begin to resent him for not doing anything, which is unhealthy.

I guess if they're okay with doing it all and everyone is happy, then it works for them. That could just never work for me/us.

Yep, we both do our share...it may vary depending on our schedules each week but DH is good! Again probably because he has lived on his own for 9 years.