So, I recently had my first in-law issue, where I'm not completely comfortable with things...quick story...One of dh's bro's is having some $ issues right now...this isn't the 1st time, and, as much as I hate to say it, it could've been easily avoided. But at this point, what's done is done. DH and I are the youngest, and the ones without kids right now...Financially, we're in a good position, and recently have been able to do a lot of things for ourselves that I know some people can't. His bro asked him to co-sign a loan, and I just can't support it 100%. I get that it's family, and I couldn't say no either, but, I'm just not comfortable with this at all...I'm concerned about things down the road and how this could affect us if things go really south for them...I think part of my issue is that close family members of mine are having financial issues too, but it's not like we jumped in to save them...
Sorry to vent...it's just really bothering me...
*** First, I just wanted to say thanks to you all for your words of advice...and, it doesn't look like the cosigning is happening, so that's a good thing...partly because of my feelings, but also because a financial advisor told him it probably wouldn't work...
So thanks again!
Butterfly123
Posted:
Member since
Re: Family Financial Issues...
hey if it makes you feel better I have you BEAT. A friend kept asking me for twenty bucks on my wedding day to chip in for a cab ride home. I hope this made you laugh a little. its very true though. the first time she asked at the RH while I was at her table and I obviously didnt have cash on me. And then she asked me again at the hotel. See at least you were married 2 months before being asked for a loan
MJDoc12
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Re: Family Financial Issues...
Posted by Songstress
hey if it makes you feel better I have you BEAT. A friend kept asking me for twenty bucks on my wedding day to chip in for a cab ride home.
o m f g
that is so ghetto fabulous superstar behavior right there. was my DH's family at your wedding?
they would have asked 'Yo ma--whats poppin? You got some cheddaaa fo' me?' Lol
jillyb97
Posted:
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Re: Family Financial Issues...
Posted by Songstress
hey if it makes you feel better I have you BEAT. A friend kept asking me for twenty bucks on my wedding day to chip in for a cab ride home. I hope this made you laugh a little. its very true though. the first time she asked at the RH while I was at her table and I obviously didnt have cash on me. And then she asked me again at the hotel. See at least you were married 2 months before being asked for a loan
That's awesome...and yes, you definitely made me laugh...you should've told her to find a single guy to take her home
catsgirl
Posted:
Member since
Re: Family Financial Issues...
I personally would be honest and tell him his financial history is poor, and you would rather not risk your credit or having to pay back the money. especially with the economy the way it is at this time. I will not co-sign loans nor will I lend money, I work very hard and in the past I gotten burned with co-signing and that caused unwanted family issues and a lot of stress, I also lent a friend a substantial amount of money on her word she would pay back and did not do a contract and needless to say we are no longer friends. and I am out a lot of money. please do not think I am being selfish, I just learned the hard way, I am not saying this is going to happen to you, but if you do not feel 100% it needs further consideration between you and your dh. and please do not let guilt take over, do what is best for you.
Toots123
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Re: Family Financial Issues...
I would never co-sign a loan, for anyone, under any circumstance. If someone was in a bad situation and needed money, I might consider lending them some money personally, to get them out of a crisis (medical issues, job loss until unemployment kicks in, etc) but I would never co-sign a loan and tie my credit rating to someone else's, nevermind someone else that's fiscally irresponsible.
I think your DH should simply tell his brother to deal with the mess that he put himself into. I also don't think you should feel guilty about refusing to help him. You're making the right decision for you and your DH and that's all that matters.
Butterfly123
Posted:
Member since
Re: Family Financial Issues...
Posted by MJDoc12
Posted by Songstress
hey if it makes you feel better I have you BEAT. A friend kept asking me for twenty bucks on my wedding day to chip in for a cab ride home.
o m f g
that is so ghetto fabulous superstar behavior right there. was my DH's family at your wedding?
they would have asked 'Yo ma--whats poppin? You got some cheddaaa fo' me?' Lol
LMAO ISNT IT?!! Ghetto fabulous is the perfect term
jillyb97
Posted:
Member since
Re: Family Financial Issues...
Posted by Toots123
I would never co-sign a loan, for anyone, under any circumstance. If someone was in a bad situation and needed money, I might consider lending them some money personally, to get them out of a crisis (medical issues, job loss until unemployment kicks in, etc) but I would never co-sign a loan and tie my credit rating to someone else's, nevermind someone else that's fiscally irresponsible.
I think your DH should simply tell his brother to deal with the mess that he put himself into. I also don't think you should feel guilty about refusing to help him. You're making the right decision for you and your DH and that's all that matters.
I know...I also don't want to get the reputation as the ones to run to when times are tough...
Butterfly123
Posted:
Member since
Re: Family Financial Issues...
Posted by jillyb97
Posted by Toots123
I would never co-sign a loan, for anyone, under any circumstance. If someone was in a bad situation and needed money, I might consider lending them some money personally, to get them out of a crisis (medical issues, job loss until unemployment kicks in, etc) but I would never co-sign a loan and tie my credit rating to someone else's, nevermind someone else that's fiscally irresponsible.
I think your DH should simply tell his brother to deal with the mess that he put himself into. I also don't think you should feel guilty about refusing to help him. You're making the right decision for you and your DH and that's all that matters.
I know...I also don't want to get the reputation as the ones to run to when times are tough...
I really hope you convince your DH to say no. Like someone else said, its not just your DH who's lending the money, its both of you now. Keep us updated
jillyb97
Posted:
Member since
Re: Family Financial Issues...
Posted by Songstress
Posted by jillyb97
Posted by Toots123
I would never co-sign a loan, for anyone, under any circumstance. If someone was in a bad situation and needed money, I might consider lending them some money personally, to get them out of a crisis (medical issues, job loss until unemployment kicks in, etc) but I would never co-sign a loan and tie my credit rating to someone else's, nevermind someone else that's fiscally irresponsible.
I think your DH should simply tell his brother to deal with the mess that he put himself into. I also don't think you should feel guilty about refusing to help him. You're making the right decision for you and your DH and that's all that matters.
I know...I also don't want to get the reputation as the ones to run to when times are tough...
I really hope you convince your DH to say no. Like someone else said, its not just your DH who's lending the money, its both of you now. Keep us updated
Aww thanks...you ladies are all so sweet...it's been nice to be able to just vent about it rather than keep it in, so thanks!!!!
Cutechef729
Posted:
Member since
Re: Family Financial Issues...
Posted by MJDoc12
10000000% stand your ground and to NOT let your DH co-sign the loan for his brother. i don't care if the family thinks you are an evil wench for it---in the end the OTHERS don't have to deal with the financial repercussions if he doesn't pay the loan.
remember--he's in his financial troubles FOR A REASON and now that's he's messed up HIS credit, he needs someone to help him. let someone else be the sucker...you should not have to worry for the next FIVE YEARS whether or not the payments are being made on time and such. sure its family--but business is business. and i refuse to have my credit jacked up cause of a financially irresponsible relative. if people keep enabling him by co-signing loans and such--guess what? he'll never learn! i know he will say to his bro (your DH) -- 'but i would do it for YOU' actually you dont' HAVE to do it for me, cause i have the smarts to make sure my finances are in order! so remember, anything he says will be to maniuplate your DH to sign the loan. i would make sure your DH knows that if he signs the papers--serious problems will arise between you two.
i'm sure some might not agree with me--but sorry i wouldn't co-sign a loan for a family member that could have easily avoided their financial mess. nope--i had my share of financial issues with credit when i was younger but i got out of them ON MY OWN and learned my lesson. let your BIL learn his!
I completely agree. You don't need your credit score/finances hinging on someone else's actions. It's definitely time to put your foot down. You guys worked hard and deserve to be happy with what you have and not worry about something negative coming along down the line. Good luck!
jtgarsik
Posted:
Member since
Re: Family Financial Issues...
do NOT do it....my grandmother recently co-signed a loan for my cousin, and because she fell months behind they froze HER bank account. Money is a really tough issue & i would not get involved in that way. Maybe there is some other way you can help him??? brainstorm a bit... maybe u can say 'well we're not going to co-sign the loan for you, but we can give u x amount of money that we expect to be paid back later on'..etc. so he doesn't have to borrow as much or even use as an upfront payment?? if u have a bad gut feeling about it, FOLLOW it. YES family is family...believe me our family has helped DH & i a TON this year with our finances..but there are other ways u can help him without signing those papers..
good luck!
AR31
Posted:
Member since
Re: Family Financial Issues...
stand your ground with this one.. i am sure you guys will have expenses in the near future whatever they may be.. it's great that your DH considering it and it's very hard when a sibling is involved in a financial crisis, but you guys are your own family now..
sophisticat13
Posted:
Member since
Re: Family Financial Issues...
The fact that your DH has lent him money before and hasn't paid it back yet, then asks you to cosign a loan, already tells you he is starting to think of your DH as his financial savior Please say no...it is so hard when $$ and family mix because you are torn between your heart and your brain...but IMHO you are basically risking your financial future with DH if you cosign. Because of your BIL's history, you have to assume the worst which would be that you will end up with bad credit AND the loan you cosign for!!! It's not worth it (pun intended ) or fair to you to put yourselves on the line that way. Tell your BIL that you thought about it and that you are so sorry but that you just can't do it right now. Offer to help another way (like a previous poster said, refer him to a financial advisor) but make it clear that you cannot cosign right now...you just got married and you need to catch up financially. Or tell him that your financial advisor told you not to...whatever, just don't do it!!!! Good luck
jillyb97
Posted:
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Re: Family Financial Issues...update
updated on top...
MJDoc12
Posted:
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Re: Family Financial Issues...update
Posted by jillyb97
updated on top...
well i'm glad that you don't have to be put in an awkward situation with it all. sometimes people just gotta go thru it to get themselves out of it! (trust me i KNOW how it is!)
