Friends and marriage... thinking of ending a friendship

Ever since I got married I have this one friend 'diann' who has been not too nice to me. She has called at all hours and I have told her not to. She calls me when she is driving or out running errands on her cell phone. I cannot stand competing with her cell phone and the interference and hearing her curse out people as she is driving. she has shown no repsect to me and my DH, early mornings when she calls, etc. I have told her nicely not to call so early etc. Well, I have been busy wit h the jewish Holidays- and she kept calling me, I called her back over the weekned for about 10 minutes and told her I have been so busy and on top of the holidays my MIL was with us too. Yesterday she was online in the morning and I IM'd her good morning and I was about to leave for work. She told me she was too, and could have at least called her back and then got off line before I coud write her anything, I then called her during the day on her cell phone knowing I was going to get voice mail, explaining to her how busy I have been with 20 people in my house for the holidays, etc. I then remember she told me she goes to lunch at a certain time and I tried to call her back and she did not pick up,, when she got out of work she called me SCREAMING AT ME . Why did she leave her cell phone on and if I want to talk to her to call her when she has lunch. Well today I call her when she has lunch and she SCREAMS at me again, that I should not be calling her at work- hello , it was her cell phone.... NOT her work phone....and if she did not want anyone to call why did she leave it on anyway. I am so upset and so ready to just end the friend ship, if you even want to call it a friendship. She calls at all hours does not understand that I need time alone with my DH . I make time for all my friends but I am thinking with friends like that who needs enemies... am I wrong here? Thanks for letting me vent..........

Re: Friends and marriage... thinking of ending a friendship

Okay, how long have you know this person? And did she used to call you like this before you got married? Cause if she's a good friend, this is kind of a relatively minor thing that happens between friends, especially when one of them has a major life change. I think you should meet her in person (not on the phone) at some point after the holidays (although right now would be the perfect time, Jewishly speaking ) when you're not so busy and see what kind of boundaries you can draw up. She should NOT be yelling at you like that, however.

Like - she doesn't call you early in the am, you don't call her cell at work, she doesn't call you on her cell when she's driving, etc. I wouldn't put it like 'I'm married now, I have less time for you,' cause that sounds like 'I'm married now, I have NO time for you,' but say'sometimes I get busy and sorry, I can't talk as much, so I may not call you back immediately. I'll make up for it when life is not so hectic.' And then set a date for you guys to have a good talk or hang out or whatever.

Balancing friendship and marriage is hard, especially when you have friends who don't respect your new life. Maybe you may have to let her go, but take a day or two to think about it.

Good luck!

Re: Friends and marriage... thinking of ending a friendship

I concur with Nadine. Take some time to think about it. Friendships evolve all the time. Often it is hard and not very smooth.

Re: Friends and marriage... thinking of ending a friendship

I have always made time for her before the wedding and after the wedding. I have never had a problem like this before. I talk to my other friends and see them too. That is why I am so baffeled about the situation. It is not my fault she leaves her cell on at work that is the only phone she has. She told me to call her on her cell when she is having lunch so this is what I do and get my head ripped off? I am so sick of apologizing to her about this she leaves me these guilt messages on the phone in a whining voice'' You do not love me anymore'. She goes out to all hours of the nite , and at one point called us at 3 am , wanting to borrow money. She has called early on a weekend when Dh and I are trying to be alone too.

Re: Friends and marriage... thinking of ending a friendship

jealousy? She sounds like she doesn't know how to deal with your life change

Re: Friends and marriage... thinking of ending a friendship

People change.....and sometimes it just runs its course. I have 'broken up' with a few friends in my life and it hurts, yes but when it gets too be more trouble than good times, its best to let it go.

Re: Friends and marriage... thinking of ending a friendship

Princess,

I know I emailed this to you but feel I MUST also respond here......

You are NOT in the wrong here.

She should be told that you have a VERY busy life with your family & holidays & can't just drop everything to talk on the phone or in most cases listen to her scream at other drivers.

Since she obviously doesn't have ANY respect for you & Alex as she has proven TIME & TIME AGAIN by her disregard of your CONSTANT request that she not call past a certain time or before a certain time and WHINING & then SCREAMING like a SPOILED BRAT.......

tell her from here on you will no longer be accepting any email or phone calls from her nor returning any. Pretty stupid to keep your cell phone on if you don't want calls. Turn it off or put it on Vibrate & check it when you can.

She needs to GROW UP and learn that other peoples lives have more going on in them than worrying about Diann. Some things are not all good things & some things are pretty rough but she NEVER cares. Most times doesn't even acknowledge them.

She thinks about NO ONE but DIANN! I've said it before & I'll say it again........ The world does NOT revolve around Diann although she likes to think it should.


BTW, for those that don't know Diann is someone I was friends with at one time & in fact I had asked her to be a BM in my wedding & she became the BM from HE!!

We no longer speak!!!!!!!

Re: Friends and marriage... thinking of ending a friendship

SHE is DEFINATELY JEALOUS of both of our relationships with our DH's!!!!!!

Re: Friends and marriage... thinking of ending a friendship

Planning a wedding can bring out the worst in people. Ever since i planned my wedding i felt that some people were not happy for me. Such as my friend i grew up with she didn't even show up for my wedding, but she call me the night of the wedding to tell me she was sorry. I will never talk to her again.

Re: Friends and marriage... thinking of ending a friendship

my best friend acted shameful, check this out, when i started telling her i was going to get married she was ok, because after all, you never know if its really going to happen or not, so i kinda think she was in denial, so as i started planning (mind you, i got married in city hall) she wasnt really being excited for me, always interrupting my wedding talk to talk about HER drama, and i would think 'how could she interrupt wedding pure thoughts to talk about her ghetto relationships with friends and exes. oh well, the day before i was to get married she almost didnt even call me to wish me well, by the next morning i was pissed, which was the morning of my wedding, and wrote her an email telling her i didnt need her friendship anymore and that she let me down and it wasnt fair, i felt robbed of sharing my special day even if it was only city hall, anyway about a month passed and i knew she had called me, and spoken to other mutual friends how bad she felt about everything so i decided to give her another chance, now im having a REAL wedding, thats going to be spectacular and guess what?? shes doing the same $hit, so im not inviting her to the wedding, too bad. she has a second chance and shes blowing it AGAIN, im not too nice to be straight forward.