Re: Holiday Hell

Ha! We just had this discussion this weekend.

Like many others here we have decided to alternate. Figured that was the most diplomatic way to get through it. ALAS this year, we are supposed to spend thanksgiving with my fam and christmastime with his (they are upstate) but its my mom's 60th b-day on christmas eve so we are doing thanksgiving with his again. his parents were really understanding, i was lucky in that department, i think they are just happy we are going up there for thanksgiving.

this is such a difficult dilemma. we used to split up for most hlidays, and when his parents lived on LI we would meet up for desert. Its gotten harder now that his family is 3+ hours away.

Good luck! I don't blame you for not wanting to drive up to the cape when you are 7 months pregnant.... that seems rather difficult.

Re: Holiday Hell

We sort of split everything and it works out.

Christmas eve at the inlaws. Christmas with my mom. Easter afternoon with his family. THere are young kids in the family and they do a big egg hunt, etc. Then we meet my family for dinner. Thanksgiving has been with my family, I guess because it worked out that way. Which is good b/c unless his father and stepmother BBQ, everything on the table is room temperature and below.

In the past we have spent the entire Christmas Day at my mother's but I want to start leaving a little earlier so we can have time to our selves in our home.

I know we are pretty lucky that it works out so well and yet we still argue about where we meet my family and what time we have to be at his father's house etc. It's so hard and it would be nice if everyone got along well enough to have a meal together once or twice a year but that's not happening either.

I trhink you should definitely stand your ground, invite them to come to you since you are not up to travelling. Period.

And I agree 100000000000% that a child should wake up in their own homes and run to their own tree. I feel that way and I am way beyond believing in santa claus.

Re: Holiday Hell

Its the same in our house too.

Families spread out ... and my parents are divorced so we've got three obligations also! UUUGH!

Our solution was similliar to Irene's. We all (which really means my mom & sister & his family) spend the holidays together, unless we're with my dad. (Which fortunately for us turns out not to be much).

But someone's got to drive & there's always the complaints about that!!

Last year ... our solution was simple. We got married on 12/21 ... and left for our HM on 12/23. Everyone came to the wedding & we did not exchange gifts with anyone beforehand. (I think we did Thanksgiving in Staten Island, though).

This year ... since the baby will have just been born () right before Thanksgiving we will be home ... and the same goes for Christmas! Anyone who wants to see us knows where we live!

Next year, I'm sure it'll be an issue ... but I agree with Claud .... you want your kids to be in their own beds on Christmas morning, so we'll probably travel for Thanksgiving.

Re: Holiday Hell

Christine-
Can you believe that his mom was irritated that we didn't spend Christmas with them and even 're-scheduled' Christmas to January when we returned from our honeymoon. And now that we want to go away for our anniversary she keeps saying 'but its Christmas' you can't!

UGh!!!!!

Re: Holiday Hell

I know what you're going through. My parents live nearby and my brother and sister and their families don't. When they do come to LI- I want to be with them. DH's family all lives nearby. It's tough. My MIL has been difficult about this- I actually posted this topic last year. This year- we are hosting Thanksgiving for the first time in our new home. Everyone is invited but if they have a problem- too bad! Xmas Eve with my parents. Xmas day with ILs. We have learned that we have to make the decisions ourselves and let the families know. If they don't like it- too bad! Life is too short to be guilted into going someplace you don't want to be!

I've been in your shoes- it was one of the more difficult phases of our marriage- and DH doesn't know how to say no to his parents. He's just learning now at 33!!! Decide with your DH what you two are doing- don't let anyone else make you decisions and then stand united!

Re: Holiday Hell

I feel your pain. This is our third married holiday season, but our first with a baby, so to keep everyone happy we are doing Thanksgiving at his mom's, Christmas Eve here and inviting both families, and Christmas Day will be with my parents.

There is NO easy solution, but I hope you find one that keeps most of the main characters (especially YOU) happy.

Re: Holiday Hell

After reading all the responses I have to say that my DH and my mother are saints, and I even have to give MIL some credit too.

DH's family is here, mine is in AZ. My Mom started telling me shortly after we got our house that she understood if we wanted to spend Christmas in our own home and not make the long trip to AZ.

DH is supportive of whatever I want to do since he gets to see his family all the time and mine is so far away.

Even MIL doesn't put up much fuss since DH put her in her place. He'd come to AZ a few times for X-mas before we were married and when he did it the second time his Mom made a comment about him going again. He quickly reminded her that his family doesn't get together for the holidays and if there was something to stay for it would be different. Everyone's got some kind of reason - home's not big enough, illness makes it too hard, too much traffic, etc.

When we're here we have the holidays at our house since we're the only one's with a big enough house. It's a lot of work, but it makes DH happy and quite honestly, I'd prefer to be in control of the holiday so I can really make it seem like a holiday. I still remember Thanksgivings at MIL's before we were married - a 6 hour drive from Boston and it was Turkey served on paper plates, and all the side dishes and desserts were different than what my family traditionally served. One year she never changed out of her house dress. I know her fibromyalgia can act up and make things hard for her, but it just doesn't seem like a holiday when the food is unfamiliar and it's served like an everyday meal.

Re: Holiday Hell

WOW this is a tough one. For most newly married couples it takes a minute to get this all sorted out. The key is that you and hubby are on the same page. Once you get him on the same page and you both agree where you're going and how things are going to work, you'll find that it's not so hard - but getting him there can be a challenge. Keep working things out and compromise and you'll both be okay. It's funny how marriage works, no one has any major interests in family function until a wedding takes place, suddenly family can't get enough of you.

Good luck, and you and hubby need to put your foot down. Also having one of the holidays at your house and inviting over both families is a great idea!

Re: Holiday Hell

I feel your pain because I go through this every year, and it drive me nuts. One year we did christmas breakfast with his family in MD, and dinner in NY with my family.