For Newlyweds Only - Honestly. – Page 2

kBr Posted: Apr 14, 2008 01:48 AM

Re: Honestly.

Posted by PreshusSmurf

I know where these thoughts are coming from ... and I wanted to send you some for having to put up with that circus.

Please don't let it get to you, its not worth it.

In my opinion, people who are intelligent and open minded (of any generation) do not judge based on the situation you are describing.

yep- exactly what i wanted to say to you.

nifheim Posted: Apr 14, 2008 08:04 AM

Re: Honestly.

yea they do typically they masquerade as the religious right, ones of the higher morality. Basically people with no life. What gets me is then they yell at you if you have an abortion.

Ignore - laugh and think of them as the pathetic individuals they are.

jtgarsik Posted: Apr 14, 2008 08:27 AM

Re: Honestly.

yep - unfortunately there are way too many judgemental people in this world....they seriously need to get over themselves..

jtgarsik Posted: Apr 14, 2008 08:36 AM

Re: Honestly.

Posted by nifheim

yea they do typically they masquerade as the religious right, ones of the higher morality. Basically people with no life. What gets me is then they yell at you if you have an abortion.

Ignore - laugh and think of them as the pathetic individuals they are.

not to start anything - because i do understand what ur saying, but now you're actually the one who's judging. I was raised with a very strong christian foundation but was brought up to never judge ANYONE...and my entire church was filled with great people who felt the same way.. this makes me sad & annoyed when people say things like this & i feel i need to stand up for myself...because yes again, i DO understand what you're saying because i do think there are FAR to many so called 'christians' who do judge & create the stereotype..but please know that there are actually a lot of christians that are not like this, and truly just show God's love in the way it's supposed to be shown.. I was always taught that people's business is their business between them & God and not for anyone else to tiptoe in on...God himself never judged..heck - we all know Jesus even loved the prostitutes & murderes so why should we?? I also think there are a TON of non-religious people who still judge the situation because they're from an older generation or feel a certain way like the above posters were saying and there are a ton of non-religious people that are also pro-life for their own moral...

anyways, just had to comment...sorry! no hard feelings i hope!

Drv0716 Posted: Apr 14, 2008 08:38 AM

Re: Honestly.

Yes, unfortunately many people do pass judgement. I've been there. People s*ck.

HamptonsBride Posted: Apr 14, 2008 09:23 AM

Re: Honestly.

Posted by carolinep24

Does anyone pass judgement on someone who had a child out of wedlock anymore?

I'm not talking about High School, dropout pregnancy.

A woman, in her mid-twenties... finished college etc etc.

I'm amazed that people think that it's some kind of an INSULT...

OK I will be honest...and flame me if you want but i am just giving you my honest thoughts on the subject...but i do not understand how people who are educated, intelligent and know how to prevent pregnancy and have the means to.. end up pregnant if they don't want to be...i am not saying accidents don't happen ...but if you blatantly just go out there, have sex and use nothing to prevent pregnancy...then I will pass judgement and ask...what were you thinking?

This recently happened with someone close to us...and DH and i just shake our heads...not because they shouldn't enjoy the gift of a child...or are not married...but because neither one of them (both in mid 30's, college educated and smart) is financially prepared to care for a baby...neither one has money to care for themselves at this moment...let alone adding a baby to the mix.

ETA: I am not judging morality or knitting scarlet letters...just more like a knock on the head like the V-8 commercials

carolinebr Posted: Apr 14, 2008 10:34 AM

Re: Honestly.

Whoa boy. This strikes a cord with me for obvious reasons.

People do not seem to want to beleive that 'smart' people get pregnant without being married. And if they do - they think we should have been ashamed of ourselves for 'letting' this happen.

Some think I was trying to 'trap' DH. Or that we are 'dumb'. Or irresponsible. Or uneducated. None of these things are true.

I am educated. I have a double BA & my Masters.

I am from a good Catholic family. We go to church every Sunday.

I am responsible. I have great credit and I bought my own house at age 30 (without a DH or BF. All by myself)

I have a good job. I work for one of the top 10 Private Equity firms in the nation. And before this, I worked for the #3.

I am a good person. I have never been arrested. I have great friends & family. I donate money. I give blood. I volunteer. I am an organ donor.

DH & I were already talking about marriage. We had already picked out rings & discussed RHs & the honeymoon.

I was on birth control. Yasmin. Every day. I went to 2 endocrinologists and I was told I couldn't GET pregnant without drugs b/c of my ovarian cysts and only having 1 working ovary.

And you know what? I GOT PREGNANT.

I'm not dumb. I'm not a wh o re. I wasn't desperate. And I am not ashamed of my daughter. She was my MOH. She is my best friend and my favorite person in the world. And I wouldn't have had it any other way.

(edited for spelling)

B22 Posted: Apr 14, 2008 10:45 AM

Re: Honestly.

Posted by carolinebr

Whoa boy. This strikes a cord with me for obvious reasons.

People do not seem to want to beleive that 'smart' people get pregnant without being married. And if they do - they think we should have been ashamed of ourselves for 'letting' this happen.

Some think I was trying to 'trap' DH. Or that we are 'dumb'. Or irresponsible. Or uneducated. None of these things are true.

I am educated. I have a double BA & my Masters.

I am from a good Catholic family. We go to church every Sunday.

I am responsible. I have great credit and I bought my own house at age 30 (without a DH or BF. All by myself)

I have a good job. I work for one of the top 10 Private Equity firms in the nation. And before this, I worked for the #3.

I am a good person. I have never been arrested. I have great friends & family. I donate money. I give blood. I volunteer. I am an organ donor.

DH & I were already talking about marriage. We had already picked out rings & discussed RHs & the honeymoon.

I was on birth control. Yasmin. Every day. I went to 2 endocrinologists and I was told I couldn't GET pregnant without drugs b/c of my ovarian cysts and only having 1 working ovary.

And you know what? I GOT PREGNANT.

I'm not dumb. I'm not a wh o re. I wasn't desperate. And I am not ashamed of my daughter. She was my MOH. She is my best friend and my favorite person in the world. And I wouldn't have had it any other way.

(edited for spelling)

it's funny because this *person* that was trying to insult me by bringing up the fact that I got pregnant.. I would do it again if I had the chance.. I cannot imagine my life without Aidan. He was the BEST thing to ever happen to me

PegaLega Posted: Apr 14, 2008 10:45 AM

Re: Honestly.

Posted by carolinebr

Whoa boy. This strikes a cord with me for obvious reasons.

People do not seem to want to beleive that 'smart' people get pregnant without being married. And if they do - they think we should have been ashamed of ourselves for 'letting' this happen.

Some think I was trying to 'trap' DH. Or that we are 'dumb'. Or irresponsible. Or uneducated. None of these things are true.

I am educated. I have a double BA & my Masters.

I am from a good Catholic family. We go to church every Sunday.

I am responsible. I have great credit and I bought my own house at age 30 (without a DH or BF. All by myself)

I have a good job. I work for one of the top 10 Private Equity firms in the nation. And before this, I worked for the #3.

I am a good person. I have never been arrested. I have great friends & family. I donate money. I give blood. I volunteer. I am an organ donor.

DH & I were already talking about marriage. We had already picked out rings & discussed RHs & the honeymoon.

I was on birth control. Yasmin. Every day. I went to 2 endocrinologists and I was told I couldn't GET pregnant without drugs b/c of my ovarian cysts and only having 1 working ovary.

And you know what? I GOT PREGNANT.

I'm not dumb. I'm not a wh o re. I wasn't desperate. And I am not ashamed of my daughter. She was my MOH. She is my best friend and my favorite person in the world. And I wouldn't have had it any other way.

(edited for spelling)

HamptonsBride Posted: Apr 14, 2008 11:56 AM

Re: Honestly.

Like i said before...i am NOT judging morality...sex before marriage...kids before marriage......like i said....sh!t happens.....not every method of BC is 100%...etc...but i am just being honest when i say I don't get it when people who use NO METHOD of BC (who can conceive & know it)...and wind up pregnant...and sit there like

At least i am not lying and saying I don't judge...I don't mean to insult or offend anyone...this is just one person's opinion, and she asked for honesty...

MJDoc12 Posted: Apr 14, 2008 12:00 PM

Re: Honestly.

Posted by HamptonsBride

Like i said before...i am NOT judging morality...sex before marriage...kids before marriage......like i said....sh!t happens.....not every method of BC is 100%...etc...but i am just being honest when i say I don't get it when people who use NO METHOD of BC (who can conceive & know it)...and wind up pregnant...and sit there like

At least i am not lying and saying I don't judge...I don't mean to insult or offend anyone...this is just one person's opinion, and she asked for honesty...

Well i definitely think that is totally different--if you use no BC at all, and are under the assumption that you are fertile, and then at getting preggo....yeah that would be a little silly.

RadiantBride Posted: Apr 14, 2008 12:01 PM

Re: Honestly.

Unfortunately people still do. But then again some people will find any reason to be judgemental

jtgarsik Posted: Apr 14, 2008 12:07 PM

Re: Honestly.

Posted by carolinebr

Whoa boy. This strikes a cord with me for obvious reasons.

People do not seem to want to beleive that 'smart' people get pregnant without being married. And if they do - they think we should have been ashamed of ourselves for 'letting' this happen.

Some think I was trying to 'trap' DH. Or that we are 'dumb'. Or irresponsible. Or uneducated. None of these things are true.

I am educated. I have a double BA & my Masters.

I am from a good Catholic family. We go to church every Sunday.

I am responsible. I have great credit and I bought my own house at age 30 (without a DH or BF. All by myself)

I have a good job. I work for one of the top 10 Private Equity firms in the nation. And before this, I worked for the #3.

I am a good person. I have never been arrested. I have great friends & family. I donate money. I give blood. I volunteer. I am an organ donor.

DH & I were already talking about marriage. We had already picked out rings & discussed RHs & the honeymoon.

I was on birth control. Yasmin. Every day. I went to 2 endocrinologists and I was told I couldn't GET pregnant without drugs b/c of my ovarian cysts and only having 1 working ovary.

And you know what? I GOT PREGNANT.

I'm not dumb. I'm not a wh o re. I wasn't desperate. And I am not ashamed of my daughter. She was my MOH. She is my best friend and my favorite person in the world. And I wouldn't have had it any other way.

(edited for spelling)

diva7531 Posted: Apr 14, 2008 12:13 PM

Re: Honestly.

I wouldn't think so, but maybe. But I 'think' those people are stupid!

apriladam9206 Posted: Apr 14, 2008 12:15 PM

Re: Honestly.

Posted by carolinep24

Posted by Colette

AAAAHAAAAA! Methinks its an LIF thread?? I'm a lurker over there, not a member, but seriously, the young lady (G*d I'm so sarcastic sometimes) is a looooooooon...

don't speak that way...

she is a PRIZE

a gift to all of us!!

Yeah ok! lol

B22 Posted: Apr 14, 2008 12:15 PM

Re: Honestly.

Posted by HamptonsBride

Like i said before...i am NOT judging morality...sex before marriage...kids before marriage......like i said....sh!t happens.....not every method of BC is 100%...etc...but i am just being honest when i say I don't get it when people who use NO METHOD of BC (who can conceive & know it)...and wind up pregnant...and sit there like

At least i am not lying and saying I don't judge...I don't mean to insult or offend anyone...this is just one person's opinion, and she asked for honesty...

I appreciate your honesty!!

apriladam9206 Posted: Apr 14, 2008 12:20 PM

Re: Honestly.

People are stupid. just plain stupid.
Children are blessings--no matter how old you are when you have them.

My best friend had 3 kids by the time she was 22. Not married. I know what people thought of her. But if they knew her, they would know that she is the BEST mom. Still now, shes working 3 jobs, some overnights, finishing her bachelors all so she can support her kids.

Everything happens for a reason.

Caroline in your case...your son was meant to be born-and I know you could never imagine not having him. It's the exact way with my friends kids. With her 3rd--she was on bc, used a condom and the morning after pill. The kid was destin to be here.

I'm rambling. I know. People who pass judgement must live in a hole.

B22 Posted: Apr 14, 2008 12:31 PM

Re: Honestly.

Posted by apriladam9206

People are stupid. just plain stupid.
Children are blessings--no matter how old you are when you have them.

My best friend had 3 kids by the time she was 22. Not married. I know what people thought of her. But if they knew her, they would know that she is the BEST mom. Still now, shes working 3 jobs, some overnights, finishing her bachelors all so she can support her kids.

Everything happens for a reason.

Caroline in your case...your son was meant to be born-and I know you could never imagine not having him. It's the exact way with my friends kids. With her 3rd--she was on bc, used a condom and the morning after pill. The kid was destin to be here.

I'm rambling. I know. People who pass judgement must live in a hole.

Ramble away!

I always felt that way... My son saved my life in so many different ways, I can't explain it...

I was not at a good place in my life when I got pregnant with him... He really changed my life for the better..

I can't imagine loving any other human being as much I love him.. I don't know HOW I'm going to find love for my future children...

I truly believe he was given to me as a gift.. He made me a more spiritual person, that's for sure.

MnM52607 Posted: Apr 14, 2008 01:05 PM

Re: Honestly.

I wouldn't as long as they take responsibility (whether that means raising the child or giving the child up for adoption).

LIBrideinBWI Posted: Apr 14, 2008 01:24 PM

Re: Honestly.

I am coming out of lurker mode for this one.....

Caz- you have NOTHING to explain to ANYONE. Especially that twit.

Having Aidan DID save your life. Hell, he saved ALL of our lives. We were all being pulled into different directions and slowly drifting apart. That *little mistake* gave our family a new purpose, a different drive. It drew us closer than I ever thought possible. Honestly, I don't know where we'd all be if HE never came to be.

People look at our family and because they can't believe a family could be thatclose yet live so far away from each other. That one little mistake, that 'oops', that supposed *lapse in judgement* is the very core of what makes this family tick. It's almost unfair to Maddie and Jake- they will always be the grandbabies (and loved to pieces), but Aidan will always be this family's heart.

If anyone wants to 'shake thier head' about it- fine, but you are selling yourself short. Walk a mile in my sister's or any other single mother's shoes....THEN you can have a true opinion on the matter.

To Hamptonsbride- I know you meant no ill will in your response, and Caroline asked for opinions. I admire you for being honest- so many people on these boards (LIF included) sugarcoat everything to the point of being nauseating. I DO want to give you another perspective on your friends' situation.

By the time you reach your 30's, you begin to realize that having a baby may be what is most important, not finances. When DH and I decided to TTC our daughter- we were in the process of selling our house (at below what it was worth), paying a huge mortgage, I was not working and in grad school, HE was killing himself working overtime and we were just barely making our bills. By the way, I have 60,000 in student loans and had $$$$$ credit card debt at the time. People like you were probably about our decision to have DD. But, at 33, I was NOT willing to wait longer because having a child was more important than being *financial ready*.

Moral of the story? You do what is best for you. You make it work- it ALWAYS does wind up working out in the end.