How do I respond to this?

Original post by shopaholic07

Jun 12, 2008 02:52 PM

DH and I have been married for nine months. We want to hold off on starting a family for a few years--I want to develop my career, get my CPA license, we want to travel and basically enjoy our life as just the two of us for now.

MIL has been badgering us nonstop over the last few months about when we are going to have a family. It usually takes the form of one of the following:

'When are you going to have kids?'
'All your (DH's) cousins have kids, now it's your turn.'
'Now I'm waiting for you two to give me another grandchild.'

And most recently:

'You're not getting any younger.....when are you going to have kids?'

I had just celebrated my birthday over the weekend. How nice of you to say that!

This occurs like 9 out of 10 times we come into contact with my MIL. It's getting to be redudant and outright ridiculous at this point. I have enough stress in my life without her adding to it.

So....have any of you girls had a problem like this? How did you address it properly and tactfully?

Thanks so much!!

ETA: I changed the topic icon to a more appropriate one.

Colette Posted: Jun 12, 2008 04:28 PM

Re: How do I respond to this?

Posted by gemmifer

somebody on here once gave me great advise and I have used it it works well.

Start issuing a newsletter called 'The State of ' INSERT NAME' Uterus' and it would be blank. Every month.

Seriously, when anyone brings it up, I tell them that my uterus wants no part of the conversation.

The word uterus makes them uncomfortable.

Uterus.

This is BRILLIANT!!

Uterus.

Got me thinking, you could also get a
'NO VACANCY' tatoo on your belly, and lift your shirt up to show the NOSEYS when they ask.

JennNicole Posted: Jun 12, 2008 04:34 PM

Re: How do I respond to this?

It is great Honestly I can't take FULL credit for it only that I use it now and remember that she told me.

The look on my families faces..

PreshusSmurf Posted: Jun 12, 2008 07:18 PM

Re: How do I respond to this?

you could try the route we've taken -- get a herniated disc in your neck .... and just when you're starting to get better, tear your rotator cuff & have surgery!

lots of tests with radiation + pain killers are not a good mix with TTC

no one's asking us about kids .... they just want me to feel better

ETA:

i do know how you feel though, we dated for more than 5 years before getting engaged. friends & family were ruthless with their 'what's he waiting for?!' questions. i used to get so upset when i knew i would be seeing certain people b/c i knew i had a whole night of questions to look forward to.

bettybcafe82 Posted: Jun 12, 2008 07:35 PM

Re: How do I respond to this?

My MIL mentions it every so often but def. not like ur MIL. And my response, 'We arent ready yet' She understands...but she just really wants another grandchild..

sugarkube4 Posted: Jun 12, 2008 07:37 PM

Re: How do I respond to this?

Next time she says something just say 'we aren't actively trying but we are practicing A LOT'!!!!

missK Posted: Jun 12, 2008 08:40 PM

Re: How do I respond to this?

I was on my honeymoon and the people we were with were asking. Im no spring chicken but I would like to wait a little bit (6mo to a year) before I decide to bring a baby into our lives. My mother has been asking since the wedding too. My brother has been married for 4 years and one of the things that they say is they are thinking of adopting. that shut my mom up so that she now comes to me.

I would ask your mother in law how she would feel about watching her grandchild while you do what you need to to establish yourself. I am sure that may keep her at bay for awhile. Especially if you say you want twins.....

CourtandJon Posted: Jun 12, 2008 11:19 PM

Re: How do I respond to this?

ugh I get that alllllll the time!! Drives me crazy!!!!!!!!

kns11 Posted: Jun 12, 2008 11:34 PM

Re: How do I respond to this?

Posted by sugarkube4
Next time she says something just say 'we aren't actively trying but we are practicing A LOT'!!!!

My favorite response! I've used it and it has sucessfully shut up a lot of intrusive folks. I personally do not care if that response has offended them, as they certaintly did not care about a VERY PRIVATE matter. Good luck

thelastresort Posted: Jun 13, 2008 09:48 AM

Re: How do I respond to this?

Posted by gemmifer

somebody on here once gave me great advise and I have used it it works well.

Start issuing a newsletter called 'The State of ' INSERT NAME' Uterus' and it would be blank. Every month.

Seriously, when anyone brings it up, I tell them that my uterus wants no part of the conversation.

The word uterus makes them uncomfortable.

Uterus.

LOL That's funny. I also have a friend who has a similar uncomfortable answer. She responds 'Did you know fetuses are like parasites? I don't want to be a host.' I don't think anyone wants to think of anyone as a 'host' to a parasite. It makes you think of icky diseases. LOL (No offense moms-to-be!)

carolinebr Posted: Jun 13, 2008 11:20 AM

Re: How do I respond to this?

As a career driven mother, I can tell you that good daycare costs me over $1500 a month. Next time your mother-in-law asks, tell her SHE can watch the kid 5 days a week for free since $1500 a month isn't in the budget. That ought to shut her up.

JanuaryBride06 Posted: Jun 13, 2008 09:01 PM

Re: How do I respond to this?

Posted by gemmifer

somebody on here once gave me great advise and I have used it it works well.

Start issuing a newsletter called 'The State of ' INSERT NAME' Uterus' and it would be blank. Every month.

Seriously, when anyone brings it up, I tell them that my uterus wants no part of the conversation.

The word uterus makes them uncomfortable.

Uterus.

OMGGGGGG - I love that you used this!! I feel so special

ant n tilde Posted: Jun 13, 2008 09:26 PM

Re: How do I respond to this?

Posted by JanuaryBride06

Posted by gemmifer

somebody on here once gave me great advise and I have used it it works well.

Start issuing a newsletter called 'The State of ' INSERT NAME' Uterus' and it would be blank. Every month.

Seriously, when anyone brings it up, I tell them that my uterus wants no part of the conversation.

The word uterus makes them uncomfortable.

Uterus.

OMGGGGGG - I love that you used this!! I feel so special

I used it too!

ETF spelling!

JanuaryBride06 Posted: Jun 13, 2008 09:55 PM

Re: How do I respond to this?

Posted by ant n tilde

Posted by JanuaryBride06

Posted by gemmifer

somebody on here once gave me great advise and I have used it it works well.

Start issuing a newsletter called 'The State of ' INSERT NAME' Uterus' and it would be blank. Every month.

Seriously, when anyone brings it up, I tell them that my uterus wants no part of the conversation.

The word uterus makes them uncomfortable.

Uterus.

OMGGGGGG - I love that you used this!! I feel so special

I used it to!

But why are they asking you? You are still una bimba. Well, to me you are And you got married like THIS year!

Licee15 Posted: Jun 13, 2008 10:43 PM

Re: How do I respond to this?

Posted by dimples092907

My friend used to get asked this question all the time and when asked she started responding with

'We will have children when God Blesses us with them.'

People stopped asking after they heard this.

First, let me give you a Don't feel alone...I actually have said the quote above to different family members and it does truly work...

Good luck with your CPA and enjoy life with your husband...

JennNicole Posted: Jun 14, 2008 12:56 AM

Re: How do I respond to this?

Posted by JanuaryBride06

Posted by gemmifer

somebody on here once gave me great advise and I have used it it works well.

Start issuing a newsletter called 'The State of ' INSERT NAME' Uterus' and it would be blank. Every month.

Seriously, when anyone brings it up, I tell them that my uterus wants no part of the conversation.

The word uterus makes them uncomfortable.

Uterus.

OMGGGGGG - I love that you used this!! I feel so special

Here she is in the flesh 'THE BRILLIANT ONE'... one of my old time fav girls

Love that NWRB

Mich0621 Posted: Jun 14, 2008 09:32 AM

Re: How do I respond to this?

I tell mine that she has two grandkids from us...with pointy ears and a furry tail. That tends to work nicely!

FullersBride Posted: Jun 14, 2008 11:22 AM

Re: How do I respond to this?

I usually respond by saying,

'When we are pregnant we will tell you, for now we consider this to be a private matter.'

This ALWAYS shuts them up because they dont know if ou are trying and are having a hard time, or you are discussing it or what. It leaves it open but informs them that this is not a topic you are willing to discuss.

In other words, NONE OF YOUR BUISINESS!!