A friend of mine is getting married in a couple of weeks and when they went to marriage counseling recently she said that that minister asked her fiance this question:
If your wife and your mother were both drowning and you could only save one of them, which one would you save?
She said her fiance looked like he was about to faint because the question really caught him off guard. She said that the minister told him not to answer the question right away but to think about it. After that, she said he's been a little down because it's such a hard thing to think about. However, when she said it to me, it really is something that would be interesting to know. How do you think your significant other would answer that question? What would you do if the situation were reversed where you had to chose between saving your husband or your father?
I'm not sure how my hubby would answer that one. I'm almost scared to ask!
Have a great day!
Jeanene
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What an odd question!! Why would someone ask this question? Is it becuase you are supposed to think of your spouse as your new family?
Odd...... any answer is one that would leave guilt.
Sonicstef
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I definitely think its a weird question that is only going to cause fighting.
But i would definitely pick my husband and Im pretty sure he would pick me.
Teri
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ahhh - so glad our church didn't make us go through any counseling
That is a really odd question - how can anyone be expected to answer that
JennRenee
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I would have told the minister straight out that I refused to answer the question, because not only is it ridiculous, it's also not going to happen. If I had to die trying to save both, I would.
That minister needs a better counseling strategy, IMO.
Diane
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I agree with what Jenn said. I cant believe the minister would even ask that question
JustJodi
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What a horrible question to ask..Is there a 'right' answer in Gods eyes? I dont think so.
Stacey1403
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I agree with Jenn too that is a ridiculous question.
kmcwed
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I'm glad I decided to get married at the hall....
I agree, it's a silly question, and no matter how he answers it, he's going to end up hurting someone's feelings and feeling guilty.
Very dumb approach to 'marital counseling.'
A better question would have been...
Your Mother and Wife both have birthdays on the same day. You can only take ONE out to dinner. Who do you take?
jennbaby
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I would never answer such a dumb question.
natasha
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I would say that I can't choose. I would die trying to save both of them.
natasha...I asked DH and that was the exact answer he gave...
I think in the situation we would not 'know' that we could only save one...so the question is moot...
although if it were btw my husband and father...the answer is easy
michele31
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I think those questions are just plain DUMB. There is NO way of knowing what anyone would do in the middle of such a horrible situation. I mean, all things could NOT be equal in such a situation. And why would anyone ask a question like that anyway? What possible help could that be? I mean, a mother would save her child first, so while the mother was saving her son, the son could save his wife!
And while some people think it would be an easy choice there is NO way that watching a parent die or even making that choice would be 'easy'
NovemberSue
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That is such a dumb question to ask. I would probably drown in panic trying to save hubby and mom both.
BriarRose
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When we took our Pre-marital counseling, the one point they went over and over again, was your spouse takes priority over everyone else. There point was that your parents will one day die and your children will grow up and have lives of there own, and all your left with is your spouse. If you lose them in the process of your marriage when your parents are dead and your children are grown you are more likley to get divorced, b'c you and your spouse are strangers with no relationship.
I dont know what catholiscm says about the realtionship between a married couple and the parents, perhaps the preist was reffering to that.
Everyone has a different perpspective on the answer to that question. Perhaps asking the priest what purpose does the answer to the question serve? It may shed some light.
ETA: If the situation were reveersesd I would save my husband. Because my father would sacrifice his life for my happiness and future without question.
shamma
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I don't think its a dumb question at all, I think its just a difficult question to answer. I don't know how Roger would answer and I know I would probably drown trying to save my mom or my hubby. I love them both in different ways and I would not want to lose either of them
shamma
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I forgot to say that a lot of couples tend to still hang on to the parent's skirt tail and when you get married, not that you forget your parents, but your main priority becomes your spouse, so I don't think the question is one of choosing who you love more over the other, its more of a priority question. Where in your life does your spouse fit
Claud2001
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I agree with whomever said the priest is the one that needs the counseling! What a horrible, unrealistic and unproductive question to ask someone who is about to get married.
Karen - your reply really made me LMAO! (about getting married at the hall....)
SandyP
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Questions like this require an open mind - of course I figured it would get a reaction of annoyance. I never look at any question as a dumb one! Just because you might not perceive it, does not mean that someone may not have been in a situation where they had to choose. It might not have been as drastic, but in life, there may come a time when we all have to make difficult situations.
My girlfriend's fiance and his mother has a close connection and for what ever reason, the minister thought it was appropriate. I'm sure there was a method behind his counseling - I don't know the exact reason why that question was asked of him - counseling is a private thing, so I don't go any further than what my friend tells me. I put the question out there because what if you found yourself in a predicament such as this. It's just something to think about!
Shamma, as always, I agree with your answer - my sentiments exactly!!!! Girl you are always on ball!
NYC_Newlywed
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Re: How would you choose in this situation?
wow.
I would love to see the church's perspective on this question.
What is the purpose of this question?
Did your pastor ask you the same question?
If not, why did he ask this of your fiance?
Honestly, if this question was posed to both of us, I'd think we both would say our parents. Not that I would want to choose, however, I think we would think of the person who would need help the most, which is our parents.
Granted drowning isn't something you can avoid by being healthier. But if I let my mother drown, I'd probably be haunted by her for letting her drown. Just kidding. (But my mother has that guilt thing down to a science.)
Geez, that is a tough question though. I'd probably look mortified as well if that was thrown at me. Did you ask your pastor the intention of the question?
