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I need advice...
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Is this a close friend?
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Posted by Bride908
Is this a close friend?
I went to middle school and HS with him. We were very close back then but have since gone our separate ways.
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I think it depends on how close you are to the couple. If it is someone that you are not too close with I would send a gift and not go.
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Posted by RadiantBride
I think it depends on how close you are to the couple. If it is someone that you are not too close with I would send a gift and not go.
Yea I see it that way, but then feel bad if I don't go. he only invited 40 people and a few of our friends. I feel bad going, but then again, you can't get upset for someone not going to your wedding that is across the country...
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How close are you with this person. I have 2 groups of friends that I am very close with (6 girls from hs, 3 from college) and I would go if it were one of them.
I do see your point though, its expensive and you'd rather put the money towards something you want to do. I am going to my cousins wedding in Nashville this summer but that is somwhere I want to go, but its still costing us over $1000 to go. He came to our wedding but I think his dad paid for him to go and he never gave us a gift! Argh! But we have to go to this one. Oh and I forgot to mention I have 16 first cousins so it does add up to go to their weddings! Most of them are married now.
I do see your point though, its expensive and you'd rather put the money towards something you want to do. I am going to my cousins wedding in Nashville this summer but that is somwhere I want to go, but its still costing us over $1000 to go. He came to our wedding but I think his dad paid for him to go and he never gave us a gift! Argh! But we have to go to this one. Oh and I forgot to mention I have 16 first cousins so it does add up to go to their weddings! Most of them are married now.
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Posted by Jenn04
How close are you with this person. I have 2 groups of friends that I am very close with (6 girls from hs, 3 from college) and I would go if it were one of them.
I do see your point though, its expensive and you'd rather put the money towards something you want to do. I am going to my cousins wedding in Nashville this summer but that is somwhere I want to go, but its still costing us over $1000 to go. He came to our wedding but I think his dad paid for him to go and he never gave us a gift! Argh! But we have to go to this one. Oh and I forgot to mention I have 16 first cousins so it does add up to go to their weddings! Most of them are married now.
If it were family, theres no question, I would be there in a heartbeat....
But in this situation hes a friend that I see maybe 2 times a year IF that...
DH is leaving it completely up to me which is fine but annoying cause I need some input! lol
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Re: I need advice...
Posted by Karen9508
Posted by Bride908
Is this a close friend?
I went to middle school and HS with him. We were very close back then but have since gone our separate ways. Hes still a good friend and came to my wedding... but my wedding was here...
If its not a best friend or a family member that you wouldnt think about missing their wedding for the world then I wouldnt go. Especially if I was doubtful. It sounds like they may be having the Vegas wedding b/c they dont want to spend the fortune of having a traditional wedding which is perfectly fine.
If its not in your budget it is most def not selfish of you not to go. You shouldnt have to spend a fortune to go theirs.
This kind of thing is expected with destination weddings. I'd send them a gift and a nice card letting them know how happy you are for them
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Posted by Karen9508
Posted by RadiantBride
I think it depends on how close you are to the couple. If it is someone that you are not too close with I would send a gift and not go.
Yea I see it that way, but then feel bad if I don't go. he only invited 40 people and a few of our friends. I feel bad going, but then again, you can't get upset for someone not going to your wedding that is across the country...
Did you know that it was a destination wedding when you were considering going? Also, California is right there from it maybe your DH and yourself can go to Cali afterwards for a nice vacation.
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I totally see your point. I'm not sure I would go. Would you have been upset if he didn't come if the situation was reversed? (meaning you had a destination?) I think destinations are tough and a burden on people....It was their choice to go away, maybe they'd be just as happy with a gift from you! lol
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Ok now that I read your post about how long youve know him...I probably wouldnt go. Hes got to know not many people will be able to make it :( Its sad but you need to do whats right for you. If not you'll regret it.
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Posted by RadiantBride
Posted by Karen9508
Posted by RadiantBride
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I'd be torn if this was a close friend.
Planning this destination wedding, your friend could have at least arranged a nice sit-down dinner. Hor's d'oevres just wouldn't justify the expense for me, especially if I'm not thrilled with the desintation.
Can you get away with I'm sorry we won't be able to attend as we had originally planned to, then send them a nice gift.
Planning this destination wedding, your friend could have at least arranged a nice sit-down dinner. Hor's d'oevres just wouldn't justify the expense for me, especially if I'm not thrilled with the desintation.
Can you get away with I'm sorry we won't be able to attend as we had originally planned to, then send them a nice gift.
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Posted by SusiBtoM
I'd be torn if this was a close friend.
Planning this destination wedding, your friend could have at least arranged a nice sit-down dinner. Hor's d'oevres just wouldn't justify the expense for me, especially if I'm not thrilled with the desintation.
Can you get away with I'm sorry we won't be able to attend as we had originally planned to, then send them a nice gift.
yea I can't either. I mean I could if I haven't been there already and it was going to be my first time going. I would have made a trip out of it and thats what we did when we went to DH's partners wedding last year..
I really thought they would have a sit down dinner and reception, or just a dinner...
Im sure he would understand if we didnt go, but then I feel so bad cause he was there for my day. But then I think about how much it will cost and go back to my original thought of not going..
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Posted by Karen9508
Posted by RadiantBride
Posted by Karen9508
Posted by RadiantBride
I think it depends on how close you are to the couple. If it is someone that you are not too close with I would send a gift and not go.
Yea I see it that way, but then feel bad if I don't go. he only invited 40 people and a few of our friends. I feel bad going, but then again, you can't get upset for someone not going to your wedding that is across the country...
Did you know that it was a destination wedding when you were considering going? Also, California is right there from it maybe your DH and yourself can go to Cali afterwards for a nice vacation.
Yea thought about it, but DH didn't pick his vacation week that week, so he would just be taking days off.. He has to pick his vacation time the first week in Jan, so its all planned out for the year..
We did know it was a destination wedding when we considered it, but we thought it was a reception and all.. but its not. Its basically see us get married and then have some apps, and go on your way... which is fine, each his own..
See in that case I dont think that I would go.
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sending out a STD isn't like an invitation where you RSVP. Unless you already told them you would go for certain. Either way, It's not a close, close friend, I would just send a gift. They can't expect everyone who isn't family and close friensd to make a trip like that. I wouldn't.
Save your money :)
Save your money :)
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He'll probably understand if you don't go. Just let him know and send him a nice gift.
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Thanks girls! I appreciate your input!!
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Posted by Karen9508
yea I can't either. I mean I could if I haven't been there already and it was going to be my first time going. I would have made a trip out of it and thats what we did when we went to DH's partners wedding last year..
I really thought they would have a sit down dinner and reception, or just a dinner...
Im sure he would understand if we didnt go, but then I feel so bad cause he was there for my day. But then I think about how much it will cost and go back to my original thought of not going..
Ok. I'm reading this and I think we've all helped you make the decision not to attend.
Do not in any way feel guilty.
Your friend is asking you to undertake a fairly large expense to attend his wedding, yet can't even host a decent party to make it worth your while. I hate to sound so crass, but you kind of expect something in return.
Long story short, DH and I went to Aruba last year for our near & dear friend's daughter's destination wedding.
Yes it was expensive, but we turned it into a 10 day vacation. We would not have missed it for the world, and had a really great time with our 'family' .
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If I wasn't super close with this person anymore I'm not sure I'd spend the $$ to go to vegas either. When someone decides to get married out of state they take the chance that people won't be able to make it. I'd of course send a gift and let them know how sorry I was I couldn't make it, but I wouldn't go. HTH
