I really need advice! (It's long -please read)

Hi all. It's my first post on here since I got married 52 days ago. I have to say things have been going smooth until the last week. DH went on his first business trip and came back different. All we did was fight since he's back. Suddenly he's saying maybe we rushed into marriage and that he never lived away from his parents (he moved in with me directly from his parents house). Granted our apartment is in my mom's house but we were saving money. He keeps harping on his independance and he's saying we'll take it day by day and that sometimes people have a small separation and then it works better. He did this once before 2 years ago saying he needed independance. Then he just went back to normal. Suddenly this is happening again! It's too soon and I really feel things were and are fine between us. The few people I spoke to told me he's just adjusting and to give it time, but I AM SO SCARED! Please give me some words of advice....
It's making me literally sick.

Re: I really need advice! (It's long -please read)

I think you need to be calm - let it play out. I agree that he's just adjusting. The last thing you want to do is get angry or pressure him with questions or that will drive him away. If he's still acting strange after a week or so, sit down calmly and have an open and honest talk. I feel that it will work out, don't worry!

Re: I really need advice! (It's long -please read)

Thank you KPNY622!! You made me feel better. I need to stay calm and positive. I'll keep repeating myself

Re: I really need advice! (It's long -please read)

As much as we love them.......men are strange! They love us but for some reason often seem to freak out when it comes to commitment - especially after they have had another taste of freedom. But because they love us, they come to their senses and come back even more committed and the love grows stronger. Good luck to you!

Re: I really need advice! (It's long -please read)

I don't really have any advice, that's such a hard situation. But I just wanted to give you some and tell you to hang in there!

Re: I really need advice! (It's long -please read)

Im so sorry that you are going through this Without knowing either of you personally, from what you have said, it mostly sounds like a fear of commitment thing and this happened with us, except it was ME who had the fears. I had hives when dh even asked my ring size to get engaged..then I broke it all off about four months before the wedding..I had an extreme fear of commitment...Ive always had it, never wanted to get married..it just seemed to scary to me.I think in your case..you guys are going through some changes..all of a sudden you live together..that in itself can be very scary and takes some getting used too! Thats why some say the first year of marriage is the hardest..you are still struggling with being a couple and also maintaining your indivuality. Its a hard place to be.People place constraints on a marriage with all sorts of limitations, expecting things to be perfect and when it isn't, people freak out. Perhaps your husband is feeling some of this stress, his life has just been turned upside down, hes living on his own, hes ahusband..and not everyone handles that the same. Some men get married and are fine, others get married and get cold feet AFTER the wedding, unfortunately ist very common. Some men do this when their wives get pregnant..its crazy!The best advice I can give you is hang in there! be true to yourself...I know pressuring him for answers may turn him away, so try and maintain a sense of calm if you can, but DEFINATLEY get the answers you need. This isnt just about him..If he cant handle being married, well thats not your problem and its not your fault. So give him a bit of time, let him get his thoughts together, but dont let him treat you like crap at the same time. You still have feelings here and they should not be overlooked.
have you guys thought of any marriage counseling? Sometimes it helps to know that what you are feeling is normal. If he does decide on a separation and wont do counseling, let him go and let his dumbass see what life is without you! men are idiots sometimes! Not to make a joke out of your situation...Im truly sorry you have this stress. Please be good to yourself through this and talk to us! We are here for you!!!

Re: I really need advice! (It's long -please read)

i would also stay calm and give it a week or so and then sit down away from your apartment like at a restaurant and have a talk.

Re: I really need advice! (It's long -please read)

I wish I had some advice for you, just lots of

Re: I really need advice! (It's long -please read)

Oh WEDIDNG TRIPLET!!! I'm sorry you are going through this!!! I'm sure he experienced some freedom being on his business trip...away from you, your home, his everyday life...and probably liked it a bit. Give him a little room to breathe, talk it out....my DH had a bit of an identity crisis...went and shaved all his hair off!!!

Maybe if your DH had a night out with the guys every week or every other week...maybe he feels he's 'missing' something from his single life. Hang in there...I'm sure it'll get better!!! We're here for you!!

Re: I really need advice! (It's long -please read)

I agree with giving it some time...maybe another week or so. If the situation hasn't gotten any better, you and DH need to have a heart to heart and I would suggest counseling.

Good luck! I've been married just a couple of weeks longer than you and lately I've felt the honeymoon fading we've been arguing a bit more, but I think it's just an adjustment phase. The novelty of being 'just married' has worn off and real life sets in--it can be a bit unsettling for some people (myself included ) and it is something to take day by day--each day you make it through is an achievement for any marriage!!

Re: I really need advice! (It's long -please read)

Wait it out. I think your hubby will come around. Give him some space and when he is ready sit down and talk it out. Everything will be just fine!!!

Re: I really need advice! (It's long -please read)

First off, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I would HIGLY recommend you both go to marriage counseling - it did WONDERS for my hubby and me. We did control damage BEFORE the wedding so that we kind of had an insight to what we were in for.

Now, what your husband is telling you is pretty serious and could reap huge consequences later on. I think you need to really get to the root of the problem so that every couple of years he's not feeling locked down. If he's said this before and he's at it again, there must be some underlying problem. It's not nice when he says things like that b/c I'm sure it brings unnecessary stress on you and you are both adjusting to marriage. Seriously consider talking to a GOOD counselor, ask around for one. Men can be very weird sometimes, but one thing I've learned about them, when they say something, there is meaning to what they are saying b/c men don't express themselves easy. I'll pray that you both will work this out - the sooner the better.

Re: I really need advice! (It's long -please read)

I cant thank you all enough! It's so hard because I've been thinking the worst. What's also hard is when we dated and things got tense, we just would back off and not see each other for a few days and then we would talk it out. Well now, living together, we dont have that option. We are in each others space all day and night (did I mention we work in the same building). I'll try to wait it out and not pressure him for answers. I really thank you all. I missed being here and I'm so glad I'm back. I'll keep you all informed.

Re: I really need advice! (It's long -please read)

Re: I really need advice! (It's long -please read)

The first few months are always the most difficult. Once your routine together sets in, I'm sure his fear will diminish. Try going out together on 'dates' but also give him some space too. Things will fall into place. It is very common.

Re: I really need advice! (It's long -please read)

That's all I can give, I hope everything works out!

Re: I really need advice! (It's long -please read)

Not that this is for everyone, but I am really glad that my DH and I lived together before we got married. We fought a lot our first year living together and it was hard to find the balance of being together and having time alone or with friends. I think if we had moved in together after the wedding we would probably be in the same place you are (except that I would be the one rethinking the wedding - we had a REALLY rough time). It sounds like it's an adjustment issue. Counseling might not be a bad idea, better to work things out in a more civilized way then to let them get out of hand. Give him some space and time and hopefully it'll all work out! Good luck!

Re: I really need advice! (It's long -please read)

MY DH & I lived together for 7 years before we got married & he got a little nervous about the whole thing right afterwards too. Nothing ever came of it. So try to be understanding of him. I'm sure everything will work out.

Re: I really need advice! (It's long -please read)

I'm sorry you are going through this. Maybe because it's something that is so new to him. I'm sure he'll get over it and realize he's lucky to have you

Re: I really need advice! (It's long -please read)

I am sorry you are going through this. I think what he said was very harsh and that you should discuss when he's not feeling so overwhelmed by committment. Moving, kiving together & being married are big adjustments - three of the top ten stresses of life - so it's natural to be wigging out.

Good luck