I thought God was everywhere ? So he wasnt at Flowerfield that day ?

Ok. So we went to our church today for a baptismal interview. John Anthony is being baptized next month. One of the things the priest brought up was where we were married. We were married on the grounds at Flowerfield. by a Catholic priest, who told us he is no longer 'practicing' as a priest and does weddings outside the church. (we were referred to him by a close friend who used him also and loved him - and he did a great job for us too !!)

Well the priest mentioned that our marriage is not recognized by the Catholic church (Which I kinda already knew) and he suggested we think about getting married at the church, maybe around our anniversary or something....
He said it in a nice way, he was a really nice priest, funny and friendly...
But this got me thinking....First thing John said in the car was 'One thing I always said was that I would only get married ONCE in my lifetime ! ' LOL

Part of me wants to do this. Just go to the church on our anniversary, call it official under God, and make it our little official thing, recognized by the church... and part of me feels in my heart that I was married on that day, and that was a special day...Im not sure that it would be as special to redo it (God forgive me!) renewing your vows is something different and very special, but to get married again...confusing

What would you do ? Opinions.... just to see what everyone thinks about this.......

Im glad im not alone in the way I feel Suzanne!
Our ceremony was very religious and I felt 'blessed' on that day. I also thought he wasnt going to baptize the baby. But he only said 'if you want a catholic funeral one day....' again he didnt say it in a bad way, but I just feel weird doing it again.. who knows...

My mom was really upset at first, but she loved our ceremony, and the priest even said a few words in Italian so that was a plus !

thanks!

Your welcome anna!! maybe one day me and frank will renew our vows with our family. and then ill do it in a catholic church...

Anna, I am Catholic, but I am firm in my belief that if YOU feel god was with you on your wedding day, then he was, regardless of where your ceremony was performed.

If it means a lot to you and John to have your marriage recognized by the church, then by all means have a vow renewal, but if you are doing it to please or appease anyone else, it's not worth it.

I agree with that Jenn...Im just torn between my conscience (guilt) and how I really feel !
Im married !
It felt weird when he said 'so when were you married the first time ?' I almost exploded laughing ! I felt like I was a divorced !

Wait a minute...I am confused....what did the priest mean by, 'Well, if you want a Catholic funeral....' Your marriage doesn't need to be recognized by the church for you to have a Catholic funeral, does it?? That would not make an ounce of sense....otherwise people who never married wouldn't have Catholic funerals either - even if they were devout Catholics.

Anna,
I feel so badly for you & your hubby. What a completely wrong & awful thing for the church to do to you. I think that God was with you @ flowerfields & I'm sure he's with you everyday. I am Catholic(or at least I'm supposed to be) and when my son was ready to start religion I had to go to a Catholic church in an extremely poor neighborhood with very liberal rules due to their tiny pairish because no church in my area had 'room' for the little boy w/o a Dad. I hold grudges, that's me. God is with me & God is with my son, I know that.
For God's sake you didn't have sex with a child did you? Will ALL those priests be burried with catholic funerals. I certainly hope not, I hope they rot in hell. How dare they make you & your husband doubt the good, healthy, legal choices you made.
I hope if you decide to do it, it's only because you really want it in your heart & not because to you forced into it. Sorry if my words are strong, I'm just mortified by my so called religion. Will the double standards & man-made policies dating back hundreds of years ever end?

Claud, I have no idea what this is all about (just aggravating!) He started saying 'well if you want to make any sacraments, you know your marriage must be recognized by the church ?' (and I was thinking, all my sacraments are pretty much DONE, what does he mean ??' and then he mentioned the funeral....(jeez, what a thing to mention !!) I really didnt understand that at all ... I then thought he meant for my son to make any sacraments, but thats not it...

meantime, in front of the church is this huge billboard on an easel-type thing, with a list of the renovations going on, and the amount of money that will be needed to cover these projects...
It bothers me that you want to be devoted to the church, devoted to God, and all you see (and hear) around the church is business-related. MULA -
As he was asking us about the priest that married us, when I told him about him, he asked the name and then didnt recognize the name, and he laughingly acted like he was scribbling notes in his book and goes 'NOT - A - REAL - PRIEST'....ARG that kind of annoyed me... I thought my priest was sweet, fun, and did a GREAT job on my ceremony!

OFF TOPIC, ON A TANGENT (it wouldnt be my post if I didnt go off on a tangent - )
I never understood - Catholic schools/private schools, charge so much tuition, collect so much money on Sundays, and yet they are always crying poverty and cant afford to pay their teachers a decent salary ??

Kelly(Richsbride) - dont apologize for your words being strong. I appreciate your words and advice.

My husband just laughed it off, as if to say 'UGH GET MARRIED AGAIN ???!!! once is enough!!' (of course he said this in the car !)

Anna,
I am being married at Flowerfield by the same type of 'retired' priest, and I know I will one day face the same dilemma as you. Here is my vote, go with what your heart tells you to do. I believe you were married that day, and do not feel pressured to do it again, especially if it will take away from what your ceremony meant to you. Best wishes and good luck!

Anna... What the heck is this guy talking about....(But he only said 'if you want a catholic funeral one day....').?!!! That is so NOT right!! I do catholic funerals EVERY DAY for people who are not practicing or did not get married in a church. It is called a Celebration of the Liturgy of Christian Burial, it has NOTHING to do with ANY other sacraments!! The church will do a funeral for ANYONE, from ANYWHERE as long as they are paid. The same goes for baptisms!! Sorry... don't mean to rant, but I see it every day... he should not be using scare tactics on you.
In response to the question... your wedding was the day you were married... we are in the same boat.. married at the hall & I would never feel MORE married if we did it at a later time in a church. I don't even know if we will end up actually baptizing our kids in the catholic church.

thanks for the words of support girls !
Right now I dont feel a need to do it. Maybe at a 'milestone' anniversary, we can renew our vows in church...
I had 2 bible readings, one in Italian (my sis) one in English (DH's cousin) and another of his cousins sang a beautiful song in Armenian (of course i didnt understand a word ! ) My ceremony had alot of meaning to me. the dove release, the string quartet, and we had an extra long ceremony (a little over 30 minutes) because I found this reading called 'These Hands' (or something like that !!) and the priest read it for us...we also did the candle lighting, presented our moms with roses, and most important of all, exchanged vows in front of so many of our loved ones...
My dad walked me down the aisle on that day, and that was the most important thing to me..

thanks again !

Just my opinion here....

'rules' such a the ones affecting you are the reason I chose to leave the Catholic Church. My friend had her baby baptized and she is not even married. Maybe there is another church that will do it?

Our rabbi who married us told us that our mariage will not be recognized by the Catholic Church or the Jewish faith since we are interfaith. He said God will still recognize it, the state will, and WE will. To us, that was more important.

This sort of thing drive me up a wall!!

One - OF COURSE God was with you on your wedding day no matter where it was! And Im sure he blesses all loving unions - including those that do not add to the Catholic Church coiffers.

Two - Seriously, why would God care where you were married? Do you really think God would accept you or your child more if you were married in St Patricks Cathedral or in your living room? The whole idea that God has a preference in terms of location is just ludicrious!

Just my opinion but if it were me, I would not remarry in the church unless it were something I or my husband wanted to do. Nothing a priest could say to me would sway me because I know they are indoctrinated with so much Catholic proproganda, most cant seperate fact from fiction.

I am sorry to hear what that priest told you Anna...I have had my doubts about the Catholic religion for so long now (I am Catholic) and we didn't get married at a church either. My 'GREAT' Catholic church where I went to all my life was in ENPT and when I needed a letter from them so I could be a godmother, they wouldn't give it to me since I had moved!!!! I was outraged. So instead the church where my godson was christened welcomed me with open arms no questions asked (although I get my monthly 'contribution' envelopes now), LOL.

Stand your ground as to what you think was right and in no way do I feel your marriage isn't recognized the way that priest told you. I am not looking forward to having kids one day and dealing with what you are going through, either.

It really is a shame that we are made to feel guilty for things like this !
I told my priest at the church where I grew up (Where I WOULD HAVE gotten married if I chose to in church) I told him those exact words 'I thought God was everywhere' and he sort of laughed because he agreed with that fact, but then told me the whole yadda yadda...

Years ago, I even stopped going to confession (God forgive me ) because I dont think there is a need to tell a priest my sins in order for me to be forgiven by God..... I talk to God directly every night and any time I need to.

I am religious, I beleive in God, I was raised, going to mass every Sunday, but there are certain things that make you angry about it all...(especially the $$$ aspect of it...)

Short story (one of my classic tangents)
In Italy, in the little towns, they have processions throughout the towns, carrying the statues, etc. Like you see in many towns around the boroughs on Good Friday, etc. Anyway the priest was asked to attend the procession, and he did (little did I know, for a fee ! ) and then he was asked to go with the procession, instead of 'breaking off' at a certain point, they wanted him to continue to the church with them. (or something like that, forgot details) well basically, he didnt go because he wanted more money and they couldnt afford to give him anymore. Isnt that a SHAME !!!!??? The young alter boys, that look up to this man, were let down and confused and hurt !
I guess it was either the money to add more marble to his home or nothing....and he has the nicest house in town !!
tangent end..

Of course God was there that day-you know it, John knows it...God knows it. With that said, I find it funny (funny-odd) how different parishs can be so different. My brother is divorced with a child from his first marriage, got married in Vegas for his second marriage and his church allowed him to have my niece Christened 2 yrs ago no questioned asked and they have just arranged for my nephew to be Christened there in May....and they never go to church. And yet I know someone who had a fight with the priest in her parish b/c they wouldn't - outright refused - to baptize her daughter from her second marriage.

Is this your parish where you attend services? What about your parents parish instead? I don't know the ins and outs of this topic but would this subject come up again past his Christening? I mean, when he makes his First Holy Communion will they be discussing where and how the parents got married? I can't really give my opinion, I have no idea what I'd do. Please let us know what you decide, sorry you have to go through this 'criticism' when all you want to get JA baptized!

This is a situation whic makes me so angry

Anna, I beleive G*d was with you and John on your wedding day and shame on the Priest for making you feel otherwise. I'm sure I will get the same grief when Steve and I have another child. Since I am a divorced Catholic without an annulment I am a bad Catholic, but for $2,000 for the annulment I can become a Good catholic again.PLEEZE

Unless being married in a church is important to you and John personally, then go for it, otherwise let your memories of your wedding day as it was be with you always

Anna ... I know how you feel ... I was raised in a very Italian Catholic family ... I even went to Catholic grammar school ... but for my wedding I chose to get married by a 'retired' priest on the growns of WM ... I know that one day, I'll ask myself if we should be 'blessed' in a Church ... but to be honest, like so many of you, I really haven't practiced my Catholic faith and instead have followed and believed in God in my heart! But I want to type this piece of an article from a 'retired priest', I think you may appreciate it ... I look to it when I have doubts ... it's an article about couples coming to a priest for advice on getting married ... this is mid article, but the part I feel most geared to this topic ....

'But the marriage must take place in a 'sacred place,' - a church or a temple - doesn't it?' Some bishops have intruded on the freedom of couples in their own sacrament to decress that the ceremony must take place in a 'sacred place'. But if God created the world, the whole world is sacred - a fact being recognized in our new emphasis on ecology.
Many couples today like to be married in a garden, as Adam and Eve were. Gardens are often more beautiful today than the sacred church stripped of its charm, warmth, and history and turned into a barn for the new liturgy. If the pope can have Mass in a baseball field, why can't a marriage, considered less excellent than the Eucharist, take place outside a church building? Masses are often held in homes these days.
Many couples like to have the wedding where the reception is going to be because in this age of mobility families and friends are scattered all over the country; and if they first must find the place of the ceremony and then later find the reception place, they usually skip the ceremony and just come to the reception. Did the wedding feast at Cana take place in the synagogue? All we know is that Jesus was at the reception, where he furnished gallons and gallons of wine. Marriage is an event, not a place.
'But will the church recognize my marriage if I don't follow all these recent man-made regulations?' You recognize your own marriage, I hope, because you make the vows and administer the sacrament. I recognize the marriage. Your family and friends recognize the marriage. We know from polls and surveys that most U.S. Catholics recognize the marriage. The state recognizes the marriage. The church is 800 million Catholics around the world. It's impossible to get word to all of them so that they can decide whether to recognize your marriage.
'If I don't follow in detail recent manmade regulations, will God be present at my wedding?' That is up to God. No one can keep God from your wedding. 'Again I tell you, if two of you join your voices on earth to pray for anything whatever, it shall be granted to you by my Father in heaven. Where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I in their midst' (Matt. 18:19-20)

Anna, have you decided?

I was just at a vow renewal for my in-laws and it really seemed like they were getting married again. It was touching, but still a little strange. It was for their 40th, but I think it'd be weird to do it after only a few years of marriage.

Do you need to have it done for the baptism, or did it just come up during that conversation?

I'm so against the idea that your marriage isn't recognized because of location. It wasn't important to me to get married in a church, but my alter boy husband wanted to.