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im ending my marriage

Original post by luvabul

ive been married for 7 months, and its NOTHING of what i expected it to be, i know its a lot of comprimise and patience, but in return i get NOTHING, nothing, no results, no appreciation, no smiles....nothing

We live with my inlaws right now...
we have financial issues! school debt, etc
and i can not possibly STAND his mom, she is just way to hard to please...
everything in his life is # 1, but me, and i just cant take it anymore..... theres so much more, i just dont feel like typing it all up....
im just so sad and heartbroken.

ive been with him since 5 years now... and i couldnt WAIT to get married, i was so excited and happy...but its a nightmare...



and no, therapy is NOT an answer... DH doesnt believe in it, and will not go.


UPDATE: i stayed at my moms house, or was intending on...until the doorbell rang and it was DH saying how great of i wife i am, and he wants me to come back home, and he was here to pick me up.... i caved in, because i love him, and hes a great person, our circumstances are just bad... debt, inlaws, work timings etc.... he said try to think of it this way, that its not going to be like this forever.... im done with my masters next semester, and ill be heading to Law School, something i really wana pursue... the money to go to law school makes me want to cringe, but i guess if thats what i really want to do? i should just suck it up and take a loan? He's really supportive of me career-and education wise.

Anyways, things have calmed down for now. There are those days where i feel like just picking up and leaving, because im just so sick and tired. But i guess its like that old saying:
'Marriages don't end. People give up. The question is whether giving up is wise or not.'

It wasnt always like this... infact before we got married, we barely ever fought... i guess neither one of us knew what to expect...

Maybe ive been hitting some rough patches lately, but we agreed we sincerly want to make it work....

lets see what happens, thanks for the advice and well wishes...
love u guys
jtgarsik Posted:

Re: im ending my marriage

Posted by hayleyandsteve

so sorry you are going through this.

i think a really good suggestion was to have each of you make a list of what your expectations are for a spouse, and compare them.

also, how is your husband feeling?

i think you two really need to at least talk through some of these issues between the two of them, and try to come up with a plan. at least get all of your options on the table so you can make the decision that is best for you.

hope everything works out


well said.
LitBallerinaGirl Posted:

Re: im ending my marriage

That is so sad. Do you still love him? If you do, sit down with him and see if there is anything you can do to save your marriage. If you don't, then I think you are making the right decision.
You are right about a big part of marriage being compromise. If he isn't willing to compromise then there is only so much you can do yourself. I agree that mariage is difficult; especially the first year. There are a lot of changes taking place, but couples should never lose sight of what is important and picking appropriate priorities.
I hope that you find happiness in whatever you choose to do.

milana Posted:

Re: im ending my marriage

Sara im really sorry to hear this.

I remember some of your previous posts about having issues with your DH and MIL. Only you know whats best for you and your DH but I hope you can work it out
diva7531 Posted:

Re: im ending my marriage

Sometimes a seperation can make people realize what they had. My one suggestion would be to get away from the MIL. I don't think that living with someone who causes stress can be healthy. I hope the best for you, no matter what the outcome is
hunnybunnyxoxo Posted:

Re: im ending my marriage


so sorry to hear!!
PreshusSmurf Posted:

Re: im ending my marriage

Posted by diva7531
My one suggestion would be to get away from the MIL. I don't think that living with someone who causes stress can be healthy.


This is also good advice .... is there any way at all you guys could live somewhere that isn't with her?

I don't think it is ever easy to live with the in-laws, even if you have the best relationship them.
Aug07OFCbride Posted:

Re: im ending my marriage

im so sorry to hear that you guys are struggling and that youre considering ending the marriage. marriage is a huge life change and adjustment, even though many people would want you to think that newlywed married life is/should be 'all daisies.' my hope for any new married couple when the going gets rough is...don't give up too easily! its easier said than done, but try not to lose sight of what brought you two together in the first place. there are so many different paths out there to take to work on some of the issues. just because DH isnt willing to seek counseling doesnt mean its not the answer. It could very well be something that would help you both greatly. Is it something you would consider? Are you willing to do whatever it takes to make things work? If so, tell him where you are at with it and let him know that you are going to seek counseling (if need be, as someone else suggested, you can even seek it on your own and you never know, he may come around) and you want/need him there, and ask him whether he feels your marriage is worth fighting for that way. Sometimes the thought of counseling can be daunting...it can bring up thoughts in people's minds like.... something is wrong with us, it shows weakness, etc, etc. But really, it is just about seeking an outside perspective on the situation, someone who can be objective, and who can offer up some tools that have the potential to lead to some positive change if youre willing to do the work. Just 7 mos ago, you both found a reason enough to marry eachother...dont either of you find reason enough now to fight to make it work? of course, relationships dont always end up working in the end and i dont know your whole situation....i just think in general, sometimes ppl leave marriages too easily, without every trying to see if they can reconcile/change.

best wishes and many prayers.
medic6809 Posted:

Re: im ending my marriage

I am sorry you're going through this. It's been 6months.....you guys need some time to adjust. It sounds like you have a lot on your plates right now, and being newlyweds doesn't make EVERYTHING easier. Marriage is A LOT of work and even the best days can challenge you to some extent. IMHO it's to soon to give up......try talking to him, and see what's bothering him. I know it may feel like it's you doing all of the talking and trying, but if your marriage does end atleast you can walk away, look in the mirror, and say you tried to make your marriage work because it was important to you. Good Luck either way

vintagegirl Posted:

Re: im ending my marriage

I am sorry to hear about that.. Listen marriage isn't sometimes picture perfect.. You need to work through things, yes you are going to fight and have arguements. I would wait it out if you talk to your DH about what issues are going on you guys can comprise and work on things.. Marriage is about work sometimes.

DeannaNDave07 Posted:

Re: im ending my marriage

im so sorry to hear this... i really hope things will work out for you and DH.
RGV07 Posted:

Re: im ending my marriage

i think you guys need to move away from her, that your best options. she ruining your relationship with your dh or she is getting her way and making you misberable. try to give some more time to final your decision until you made the best one.

Michi9506 Posted:

Re: im ending my marriage

Sorry to hear. If it makes u feel any better, we live with my parents now as well. We have many financial issues because of bills and DH doesnt have a very good job. It sux and its hard. We dont get along sometimes cuz its hard living with 4 other ppl in the house...But if u can try to stick it out. things eventually get better
Mooshyboo Posted:

Re: im ending my marriage

sorry to hear that you are going through this
MrsQ-in2007 Posted:

Re: im ending my marriage

I am so sorry to hear this. I can only imagine how frustrating it is to feel like the only one that puts the relationship first. Now add in IL issues, debt, less privacy by living with ILs, etc - well, that just compounds all the issues. Only you know what is right for you, and I am not in your shoes but I would just say this...

Marriage is not going to be a lifetime of bliss without any rough patches - that's why we vow to stay through the good and the bad. I'm very scared of encountering the 'bad' to be honest, and I'm really sorry that you're facing it so soon in your relationship. But I think that if you still love him, it's going to take some more work on your part and OF COURSE from his. I will tell you this - my very good friend's first year of marriage had them talking divorce almost immediately after they were married. It was HARD for them. This is a couple that never even believed in mentioning the word divorce - it was bad. They were just so unhappy and they had realized things about each other that they had not previously realized fully. It took some work from them, but now they have been married for over 5 years and have a child. Of course they still have issues (what married couple doesn't?) but they made it because they were willing to see the hard times through. But REALLY, only YOU know if you can continue as is. I wish you lots of luck and hugs.
luvabul Posted:

Re: im ending my marriage

updated post

B22 Posted:

Re: im ending my marriage

Posted by luvabul

ive been married for 7 months, and its NOTHING of what i expected it to be, i know its a lot of comprimise and patience, but in return i get NOTHING, nothing, no results, no appreciation, no smiles....nothing

We live with my inlaws right now...
we have financial issues! school debt, etc
and i can not possibly STAND his mom, she is just way to hard to please...
everything in his life is # 1, but me, and i just cant take it anymore..... theres so much more, i just dont feel like typing it all up....
im just so sad and heartbroken.

ive been with him since 5 years now... and i couldnt WAIT to get married, i was so excited and happy...but its a nightmare...



and no, therapy is NOT an answer... DH doesnt believe in it, and will not go.


UPDATE: i stayed at my moms house, or was intending on...until the doorbell rang and it was DH saying how great of i wife i am, and he wants me to come back home, and he was here to pick me up.... i caved in, because i love him, and hes a great person, our circumstances are just bad... debt, inlaws, work timings etc.... he said try to think of it this way, that its not going to be like this forever.... im done with my masters next semester, and ill be heading to Law School, something i really wana pursue... the money to go to law school makes me want to cringe, but i guess if thats what i really want to do? i should just suck it up and take a loan? He's really supportive of me career-and education wise.

Anyways, things have calmed down for now. There are those days where i feel like just picking up and leaving, because im just so sick and tired. But i guess its like that old saying:
'Marriages don't end. People give up. The question is whether giving up is wise or not.'

It wasnt always like this... infact before we got married, we barely ever fought... i guess neither one of us knew what to expect...

Maybe ive been hitting some rough patches lately, but we agreed we sincerly want to make it work....

lets see what happens, thanks for the advice and well wishes...
love u guys


I think you just need some more time to figure it out.

your husband is right.. it's not going to be like that forever... probably just a rough patch.

hang in there... head UP
PegaLega Posted:

Re: im ending my marriage

Im so glad to read that he picked you up, and he is right-this situation you are in will not be forever. I hope that you are able to save your marriage, I think if when things get to be too much you talk to each other-no matter what it is about.

vika111 Posted:

Re: im ending my marriage

I'm so sorry.
But everything changes with marriage. Our relationship changes, and he's become more demanding. There's a lot more need to compromise. I keep reminding myself, 'I'm his wife, I should be more understanding'

But there's a limit to this. If your DH has crossed it, and conversation does not help, then perhaps you're making the right decision. There's no reason to be miserable.
Aug07OFCbride Posted:

Re: im ending my marriage

im glad to read that things are a bit better for now!!!

addressing the underlying issue is super important, esp so that you arent feeling so desperate/about to leave so often. without addressing it, its just getting covered up temporarily. best wishes.
Lools Posted:

Re: im ending my marriage

Posted by Aug07OFCbride

im glad to read that things are a bit better for now!!!

addressing the underlying issue is super important, esp so that you arent feeling so desperate/about to leave so often. without addressing it, its just getting covered up temporarily. best wishes.


I second this Here's a hug & a prayer that everything will all work out.

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