im ending my marriage

ive been married for 7 months, and its NOTHING of what i expected it to be, i know its a lot of comprimise and patience, but in return i get NOTHING, nothing, no results, no appreciation, no smiles....nothing

We live with my inlaws right now...
we have financial issues! school debt, etc
and i can not possibly STAND his mom, she is just way to hard to please...
everything in his life is # 1, but me, and i just cant take it anymore..... theres so much more, i just dont feel like typing it all up....
im just so sad and heartbroken.

ive been with him since 5 years now... and i couldnt WAIT to get married, i was so excited and happy...but its a nightmare...



and no, therapy is NOT an answer... DH doesnt believe in it, and will not go.


UPDATE: i stayed at my moms house, or was intending on...until the doorbell rang and it was DH saying how great of i wife i am, and he wants me to come back home, and he was here to pick me up.... i caved in, because i love him, and hes a great person, our circumstances are just bad... debt, inlaws, work timings etc.... he said try to think of it this way, that its not going to be like this forever.... im done with my masters next semester, and ill be heading to Law School, something i really wana pursue... the money to go to law school makes me want to cringe, but i guess if thats what i really want to do? i should just suck it up and take a loan? He's really supportive of me career-and education wise.

Anyways, things have calmed down for now. There are those days where i feel like just picking up and leaving, because im just so sick and tired. But i guess its like that old saying:
'Marriages don't end. People give up. The question is whether giving up is wise or not.'

It wasnt always like this... infact before we got married, we barely ever fought... i guess neither one of us knew what to expect...

Maybe ive been hitting some rough patches lately, but we agreed we sincerly want to make it work....

lets see what happens, thanks for the advice and well wishes...
love u guys

I don't know what to say but that if you know it is the best decision for you...then go with it & we wish you all the best!!! I think sometimes people think things will change after marriage, but in most cases, the things that are issues will remain issues...a dress & vows won't change that....i am so sorry you are going thru this!!!! Here are some...

Whoa... I would say give it more ime becasue the first year is hard and DH and I ahve had mroe than our share of thrown plates and screaming fits; ahd one tonight. Nothing like before we wre married But when I want to wlak I remind myself I loved him enough to marry him for a reason..just need to find it again...

I'd say TRY HARDER...but if neither of you is willing to budge, best of luck on your decision.

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Posted by HamptonsBride

I don't know what to say but that if you know it is the best decision for you...then go with it & we wish you all the best!!! I think sometimes people think things will change after marriage, but in most cases, the things that are issues will remain issues...a dress & vows won't change that....i am so sorry you are going thru this!!!! Here are some...

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I agree sometimes getting married doesn't fix everything and it sometimes makes it worse in some cases. The first year is exceptionally hard with all the changes. Have you considered counseling either it be with a Marriage Counselor or priest before you really really decide that what you want to do. I am sorry that this is happening to you and I hope you decided the best. Here are some . Good luck with what you decide.

i dont wana leave, i dont know, i feel like marriage weighed down and ruined our relationship....it was so GREAT before we were married.... i dont know where all these problems came from

its so hard....

what about therapy for just YOU ... so you have someone impartial to talk to & help you through this rough time?

it might be helpful for you to talk to someone like that no matter what your final decision ends up being ....

this may sound goofy, but maybe you can try some 'exercises' at home.....when we did pre-cana they had us do a bunch of different exercises that I thought were really helpful, perhaps you can find some online and work on them together. I know you had some issues w/ the IL's before you were even married, so I'm sure that's just adding to everything right now. but maybe you and DH can sit down and write up a list of things you expected marriage to be, and then compare where you guys disagree. if things were so much better when you were dating, then perhaps the difficulties are coming from what each of you expects out of the relationship as it is now versus when you were dating. I'm so sorry that you're in this situation, best of luck with whatever path you choose.

I'm so sorry to hear this, DH and I were fighting so bad last week that we both thought, maybe this isn't the right thing for us. Luckily things have calmed down for us..maybe its the fact that you live with the in-laws? Do you think maybe you could just take a trial separation and see how you feel? Best of luck with any decision you make, sorry you're dealing with this.

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Posted by HamptonsBride

i think there's a big misconception for post wedded bliss...especially if you've never lived together...DH & I lived together about 5 years before marriage...and let me tell you, the first month or two when we moved in stunk! It's a matter of getting used to each others habits and deciding who does what in the household...not the love & romance i expected...so we had all those kinks and letdowns out of the way by the time marriage rolled around...real life is hard, and especially in your situation, living with in-laws...debt...all adds to the stress and can suck the romance right out...it sounds like you need to reconnect with each other and just go on a few dates...to bring back that spark and appreciation...or at least to get communication going again.

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ITA!!! The ideas we grow up with of wedded bliss are completely off base....marriage is hard work!!!

You dont have to answer to anyone but you..take this time to yourself to think things through and decide what will make YOU happy
Good luck

some people just change once the ring is slipped on their finger. Likely, you and your husband had very different expectations of what your responsibilities would be, how you would emotionally support each other, and how you would approach problems. People sometimes can have a very different set of expectations for a significant other than a spouse.

I totally appreciate the grief you're going through. If you sincerely feel you cannot salvage your relationship, it is best for you to leave sooner rather than later. you shouldn't have to sacrifice everything if your partner is not budging an inch.

Only you can make such a personal and heavy decision. Let your gut instinct on what will make you happy lead your way

I know that you were struggling with this for a while even before your wedding.

I think after careful thought, and if you don't think that counseling for you will change anything (I would argue that it might), and taking other steps to remove some of those things (debt, etc) off the plate, then perhaps a separation may work. It might just jolt your DH into seeing what is going on.

I know you aren't taking this lightly, but be careful too that you don't throw in the towel too soon.

As always we're here for you to vent to.

Oh honey, I'm so, so sorry you're going through this. I feel like only you can make this decision regardless of what advice we give, so I will only offer some

PLEASE do whatever it takes to keep yourself feeling ok and don't hesitate to FM anytime you need to talk!!

i'm so sorry u are going through this. the only thing i can say is to tell DH that counseling is NOT an option...and that if he wont go then ur leaving...maybe it'll talk some sense into him. I know of an amazing marital course in smithtown called 'married for life' ..it's not so much one on one counseling, but more of a group setting...i have a lot of friends & family who have taken it and it's supposed to be fantastic - so let me know if u'd like the info. lots of hugs & love - i hope everything works out for the best.

wow--i'm so sorry to hear. i know life must be tough for you guys--cause i know that i've read many posts from you about problems together--especially with his mom.

who knows, maybe a separation will be good for you both.

just hope you can make it through this.

so sorry you are going through this.

i think a really good suggestion was to have each of you make a list of what your expectations are for a spouse, and compare them.

also, how is your husband feeling?

i think you two really need to at least talk through some of these issues between the two of them, and try to come up with a plan. at least get all of your options on the table so you can make the decision that is best for you.

hope everything works out

So sorry you hit a rough patch. You said marriage is not what you expected maybe you could talk to DH and tell him what you expected and see what he expects from you as well. Be open with each other and most importantly honest with yourself.
Best of luck to you in whatever you decide