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I'm trying not be upset but I am

kmiller Posted:

I'm trying not be upset but I am

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julesrbf Posted:

Re: I'm trying not be upset but I am

Honestly, I don't know what he said so it's hard to say whether I'd be upset or not ... but guys say stuff all the time! (Women do too!) If you have another reason not to trust him then this might be a red flag, but it sounds like maybe it's just harmless talk.

Sorry you are upset though!
kmiller Posted:

Re: I'm trying not be upset but I am

Posted by julesrbf

Honestly, I don't know what he said so it's hard to say whether I'd be upset or not ... but guys say stuff all the time! (Women do too!) If you have another reason not to trust him then this might be a red flag, but it sounds like maybe it's just harmless talk.

Sorry you are upset though!


Well the thing is that I don't really know whether or not to be upset because I don't know what comment from his friend spawned the reply that DH gave that upset me.. ugh. This *****. I guess maybe I should just try to put it out of my mind.

There have been a handful of circumstances like this over the 4 years that we have been together. Maybe like 3 or 4. Some more harmless than others.

Cacarina Posted:

Re: I'm trying not be upset but I am

I'm sorry you are feeling bad about his comment. I don't know the whole situation, but sometimes its just guys being guys, ya know? But then there are other situations where I would say its overboard. Maybe you should have a calm, rational talk with DH and let him know how you are feeling. I am sure he wouldn't want you feeling hurt or upset over a comment he made.

kmiller Posted:

Re: I'm trying not be upset but I am

Posted by Cacarina

I'm sorry you are feeling bad about his comment. I don't know the whole situation, but sometimes its just guys being guys, ya know? But then there are other situations where I would say its overboard. Maybe you should have a calm, rational talk with DH and let him know how you are feeling. I am sure he wouldn't want you feeling hurt or upset over a comment he made.



I'm not supposed to know. If I knew that I knew he would be mad. I will leave it at that. (yes I have snooped).
julesrbf Posted:

Re: I'm trying not be upset but I am

Posted by kmiller

Posted by Cacarina

I'm sorry you are feeling bad about his comment. I don't know the whole situation, but sometimes its just guys being guys, ya know? But then there are other situations where I would say its overboard. Maybe you should have a calm, rational talk with DH and let him know how you are feeling. I am sure he wouldn't want you feeling hurt or upset over a comment he made.



I'm not supposed to know. If I knew that I knew he would be mad. I will leave it at that. (yes I have snooped).


May I ask, then, why you are snooping? Are you feeling like you have a reason not to trust him? And because you found something while snooping, do you feel like you are even more justified to feel this way?
Tomlaur0808 Posted:

Re: I'm trying not be upset but I am

well my DH has the hots for Jill Nicolini from channel 11...he says stupid stuff all the time to which I tell him that he can have her - but she's WAY too high maintenance for him...lol - I just brush it off b/c I know that every guy fantasizes about 1 woman - & women fantaszie too -just Iike I fantasize being w/ Antonio Banderas or Hugh Jackman
kmiller Posted:

Re: I'm trying not be upset but I am

Posted by julesrbf

Posted by kmiller

Posted by Cacarina

I'm sorry you are feeling bad about his comment. I don't know the whole situation, but sometimes its just guys being guys, ya know? But then there are other situations where I would say its overboard. Maybe you should have a calm, rational talk with DH and let him know how you are feeling. I am sure he wouldn't want you feeling hurt or upset over a comment he made.



I'm not supposed to know. If I knew that I knew he would be mad. I will leave it at that. (yes I have snooped).



May I ask, then, why you are snooping? Are you feeling like you have a reason not to trust him? And because you found something while snooping, do you feel like you are even more justified to feel this way?


kmiller Posted:

Re: I'm trying not be upset but I am

Posted by Tomlaur0808

well my DH has the hots for Jill Nicolini from channel 11...he says stupid stuff all the time to which I tell him that he can have her - but she's WAY too high maintenance for him...lol - I just brush it off b/c I know that every guy fantasizes about 1 woman - & women fantaszie too -just Iike I fantasize being w/ Antonio Banderas or Hugh Jackman


Logically, I know. I really do. It just hurts anyway. Maybe its my own stuff that I have to deal with.
VickiR510 Posted:

Re: I'm trying not be upset but I am

Posted by kmiller

Posted by julesrbf

Posted by kmiller

Posted by Cacarina

I'm sorry you are feeling bad about his comment. I don't know the whole situation, but sometimes its just guys being guys, ya know? But then there are other situations where I would say its overboard. Maybe you should have a calm, rational talk with DH and let him know how you are feeling. I am sure he wouldn't want you feeling hurt or upset over a comment he made.



I'm not supposed to know. If I knew that I knew he would be mad. I will leave it at that. (yes I have snooped).



May I ask, then, why you are snooping? Are you feeling like you have a reason not to trust him? And because you found something while snooping, do you feel like you are even more justified to feel this way?


Truthfully I don't know why...I guess maybe on some level I don't trust. But its not necessarily even about him. I have always always had trouble trusting guys that I am with. I have had bad experiences in the passed where I was very trusting and had the rug pulled from underneath me. Its very hard to disconnect from that. Logically I know that it wasn't DH that made me feel that way, but emotionally sometimes it is hard to disconnect from it and separate him from the others from my past..Sometimes I am great at not looking through stuff and just leaving it alone. I would be upset if he looked through my stuff, but then again, I have never done or said anything that would make him upset, so..


I think you snooped because you dont trust the friend not your DH. You know the guy is a bad influence & you dont want Dh to get himself into trouble. What i do think is if DH is craving male bonding that maybe this is his 'WAY' to try to 'FIT IN'. Its stupid but guys are at times. I think maybe you shouldnt take it too much toheart but i do think you need to let him know again how you feel & that you feel like he maybe a different person around the friend & it concerns you. Tell him teh only thing to you is him & that you dont want anyone to hurt your relationship.
julesrbf Posted:

Re: I'm trying not be upset but I am

Posted by kmiller

Posted by julesrbf

Posted by kmiller

Posted by Cacarina

I'm sorry you are feeling bad about his comment. I don't know the whole situation, but sometimes its just guys being guys, ya know? But then there are other situations where I would say its overboard. Maybe you should have a calm, rational talk with DH and let him know how you are feeling. I am sure he wouldn't want you feeling hurt or upset over a comment he made.



I'm not supposed to know. If I knew that I knew he would be mad. I will leave it at that. (yes I have snooped).



May I ask, then, why you are snooping? Are you feeling like you have a reason not to trust him? And because you found something while snooping, do you feel like you are even more justified to feel this way?


Truthfully I don't know why...I guess maybe on some level I don't trust. But its not necessarily even about him. I have always always had trouble trusting guys that I am with. I have had bad experiences in the passed where I was very trusting and had the rug pulled from underneath me. Its very hard to disconnect from that. Logically I know that it wasn't DH that made me feel that way, but emotionally sometimes it is hard to disconnect from it and separate him from the others from my past..Sometimes I am great at not looking through stuff and just leaving it alone. I would be upset if he looked through my stuff, but then again, I have never done or said anything that would make him upset, so..


Yeah, I mean it feels like to me it might be a bit of your issue then here, which is really the bigger issue than whatever comment DH made to his friend about some girl. I think this is something worth looking into about yourself ... you and DH both deserve a marriage that's free of these issues. You owe it to yourself and your marriage to be a trusting person, if the person has earned it. It sounds like DH hasn't really done anything to betray your trust other than an errant comment here or there about another woman which, let's be honest, makes him human.
kmiller Posted:

Re: I'm trying not be upset but I am

Posted by VickiR510

Posted by kmiller

Posted by julesrbf

Posted by kmiller

Posted by Cacarina

I'm sorry you are feeling bad about his comment. I don't know the whole situation, but sometimes its just guys being guys, ya know? But then there are other situations where I would say its overboard. Maybe you should have a calm, rational talk with DH and let him know how you are feeling. I am sure he wouldn't want you feeling hurt or upset over a comment he made.



I'm not supposed to know. If I knew that I knew he would be mad. I will leave it at that. (yes I have snooped).



May I ask, then, why you are snooping? Are you feeling like you have a reason not to trust him? And because you found something while snooping, do you feel like you are even more justified to feel this way?


Truthfully I don't know why...I guess maybe on some level I don't trust. But its not necessarily even about him. I have always always had trouble trusting guys that I am with. I have had bad experiences in the passed where I was very trusting and had the rug pulled from underneath me. Its very hard to disconnect from that. Logically I know that it wasn't DH that made me feel that way, but emotionally sometimes it is hard to disconnect from it and separate him from the others from my past..Sometimes I am great at not looking through stuff and just leaving it alone. I would be upset if he looked through my stuff, but then again, I have never done or said anything that would make him upset, so..


I think you snooped because you dont trust the friend not your DH. You know the guy is a bad influence & you dont want Dh to get himself into trouble. What i do think is if DH is craving male bonding that maybe this is his 'WAY' to try to 'FIT IN'. Its stupid but guys are at times. I think maybe you shouldnt take it too much toheart but i do think you need to let him know again how you feel & that you feel like he maybe a different person around the friend & it concerns you. Tell him teh only thing to you is him & that you dont want anyone to hurt your relationship.


that is a good idea. We recently went to a social/ceremony function for his friend and while his friend was nice to me and sort of funny, I didn't like the way he treats his wife AT ALL. So maybe I will say something with that as the spark for the conversation to be opened up.
GT143EA Posted:

Re: I'm trying not be upset but I am

I dont think its that you dont trust your DH, I think you dont trust his buddy! I go throught he same thing except its with DH's baby mama! I trust DH 100% but I dont trust her one bit! So I would check his text messages and his phone to see if she called (I still do this occasionally )
I dont really have any advice because I've been going through this for 6 years, but I just wanted to tell you that you arent the only one that snoops
kmiller Posted:

Re: I'm trying not be upset but I am

Posted by GT143EA

I dont think its that you dont trust your DH, I think you dont trust his buddy! I go throught he same thing except its with DH's baby mama! I trust DH 100% but I dont trust her one bit! So I would check his text messages and his phone to see if she called (I still do this occasionally )
I dont really have any advice because I've been going through this for 6 years, but I just wanted to tell you that you arent the only one that snoops



Thank you
PoppedInASnap Posted:

Re: I'm trying not be upset but I am

I am not at all any help with this subject but I wanted to send your way...
kmiller Posted:

Re: I'm trying not be upset but I am

Posted by PoppedInASnap

I am not at all any help with this subject but I wanted to send your way...


I appreciate it...thank you
Aliaxtra Posted:

Re: I'm trying not be upset but I am


Let it go hun! Its the motto- what you dont know wont hurt you sorta say.. i think we've all snooped for our different reasons.. but sometimes i myself wish i hadn't either- cause i have a tendency to take something and build this WHOLE scenario in my head..and it eats me alive for weeks.. and in the end.. nothing.... Now if he slipped and said that in front of you- i would bonk him in the head with a bat..


gina409 Posted:

Re: I'm trying not be upset but I am

first off

i dont know dh or his frind so take this with a grain of alt..and im am totally on ur side cause i am the most over sensitive person in the word..i wear my heart on my sleeve and take everything personally

now..snce u said this guy was his only friendim going to say he was just saying this stuff to amuse this guy..kwim?like if he didnt this guy would rag on him which he prob would cause guys can do that

is this guy married?cause if not he would def rag on him and thats why dh prob said it

either way..im sorry ur sad..i would be sad too..but u have to remember..he is ur hubby and he loes u more than anything and if u trust him tats all that matters...sometimes guys just think with the wrong head
kmiller Posted:

Re: I'm trying not be upset but I am

Posted by gina409

first off

i dont know dh or his frind so take this with a grain of alt..and im am totally on ur side cause i am the most over sensitive person in the word..i wear my heart on my sleeve and take everything personally

now..snce u said this guy was his only friendim going to say he was just saying this stuff to amuse this guy..kwim?like if he didnt this guy would rag on him which he prob would cause guys can do that

is this guy married?cause if not he would def rag on him and thats why dh prob said it

either way..im sorry ur sad..i would be sad too..but u have to remember..he is ur hubby and he loes u more than anything and if u trust him tats all that matters...sometimes guys just think with the wrong head


This guy is married. And if his wfe heard what he says about her she would be soooo upset.

For instance..when we were leaving the party we attended for him I asked him to please say goodnight to his wife for me. His response was 'F%$k her.'.
He said he was kidding around. I think he is a piece of trash.

GT143EA Posted:

Re: I'm trying not be upset but I am

Posted by kmiller

Posted by gina409

first off

i dont know dh or his frind so take this with a grain of alt..and im am totally on ur side cause i am the most over sensitive person in the word..i wear my heart on my sleeve and take everything personally

now..snce u said this guy was his only friendim going to say he was just saying this stuff to amuse this guy..kwim?like if he didnt this guy would rag on him which he prob would cause guys can do that

is this guy married?cause if not he would def rag on him and thats why dh prob said it

either way..im sorry ur sad..i would be sad too..but u have to remember..he is ur hubby and he loes u more than anything and if u trust him tats all that matters...sometimes guys just think with the wrong head


This guy is married. And if his wfe heard what he says about her she would be soooo upset.

For instance..when we were leaving the party we attended for him I asked him to please say goodnight to his wife for me. His response was 'F%$k her.'.
He said he was kidding around. I think he is a piece of trash.



My DH has a d-bag friend like that!!!! When he found out his wife was pregnant he told her to get an abortion! and one day he actually told me that he only married her because his mom told him too!!!

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