In-Laws Vent (LONG)

I already know this is going to be long before I even write this! I am on my LAST nerve with my in-laws!

First this thing with MIL inviting my BIL's parents to Christmas Eve dinner (when it's supposed to be the in-laws dinner Christmas Eve and Christmas Day we spend with my family and BIL spends with his family). SIL threw a temper tantrum and it was a whole big mess and I just can't get past how my in-laws just let their children run their lives and tell them what they are going to do (more like SIL because DH and I are like the red-headed step children). MIL can't remember what I tell her about ANYTHING but somehow she remembers a conversation from last year with BIL's mom. Since when is it that when you get married, you have to involve your husband's, sister's husbands family? CRAZY!!! This has already ruined Christmas for me!

Then the other day at our church wedding it was like it was her wedding. She smiled more at this wedding then our last one (the last one she looked miserable). She told everyone we decided to get married in a church this time to re-new our vows which is COMPLETELY not the reason we did it. I just want to SCREAM at her sometimes! We did it on a formality to raise our kids Catholic, otherwise we wouldn't have gone through all of that. TRUST ME!

And then I find out that my in-laws are Christmas shopping for him and never asked me what I was getting him. They always ask and this year, nothing! I find out AT THE WEDDING that they bought him something that I wanted to get him. Why does no one ask the wife? Yesterday my MIL texts me what size DH is in boxer briefs. 1 - He doesn't wear them and 2 - if he did, I wouldn't tell his mommy!

I know it's all petty and stupid but I really can't stand them lately. I have NEVER hated Christmas so much and I just want the holidays to be over. My in-laws ruined Christmas for me. I told DH I need parental vacation from his parents until the holidays.

thank you for reading...I wish I could say 'vent over' but I'm sure it's not!

Re: In-Laws Vent (LONG)

i hear ya on the parental vacation till the holidays

Re: In-Laws Vent (LONG)

Wow! Sorry you have to go through all this during the holidays. I can't believe what they did! You definitely need a parental vacation.

Re: In-Laws Vent (LONG)

Thanks girls!

The Deacon said in his sermon to make this time about me and DH. Being that his parents like to leave us out of a lot of things, that's exactly what we are going to do. Friday he's going there after to work to pick up our cat who was there while we were getting ready for the wedding and then Saturday and Sunday is going to be us time. Maybe some Christmas shopping and putting up the tree. Hopefully that will change our spirits about the holidays!!!!

I will be SO happy when the holidays are over! Especially since I'm TOTALLY stuck on what to get DH for Christmas now that they didn't discuss anything with me!

Re: In-Laws Vent (LONG)

do you guys live with your in laws? or do they live super close?
i don't understand why they would invite you BIL's parents to Christmas dinner unless they were good friends even before their kids got married.

Please don't let this ruin the holidays for you!

Re: In-Laws Vent (LONG)

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Posted by Moonmist09

do you guys live with your in laws? or do they live super close?
i don't understand why they would invite you BIL's parents to Christmas dinner unless they were good friends even before their kids got married.

Please don't let this ruin the holidays for you!

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NO! Thanks goodness! We live in Flushing and they live in Wantagh (putting the house up for sale in the spring though and talking about moving closer to which I might jump from my balcony)!

I don't understand either! I told DH that I didn't marry into the family to get my BIL's family too. My BIL's father is crude and MIL is a backstabber (BIL's father once told me to not compare him to my dad because my dad married 'A Jew' and MIL spent the ENTIRE summer telling my BIL to divorce my SIL)! If my MIL even knew what has been said about SIL (I've been friends with BIL since before I met DH - he introduced us).

And no they weren't friends before the kids got married. SIL and BIL have been on and off for 15 years and married for 2 of those years. MIL thinks all in-laws should be BFF, to the point where she invites them to impose on holidays but they never invite her. They manipulate the situation and SIL and BIL (30 and 31 years old) through temper tantrums until they get their way.

I already told DH if this happens again next year we will see them the day before Christmas Eve and do the holiday that day if they plan on sharing holidays like that.

Re: In-Laws Vent (LONG)

Awwww Linda!!!

You always have the most stressful in-law stories! My one question is: is your DH on your side? So long as he has your back, then you two can create a good united front together. Clearly, this year you two have already been ambushed for this holiday season, but you and DH should sit down together and talk about what YOU want going forward. You might have to have some difficult boundry-making conversations with the IL's but at least you know you're doing what's best for you both.

My DH and I already agreed that we want to host Christmas Eve at our home next year and whoever wants to come, great. If they don't like it, don't come. But this was something that we decided we want.

The deacon was right - your marriage is all about you and you hubby, and while family won't go away... especially intrusive IL's like yours... so long as you two are on the same page and set boundaries, it'll make things a lot more managable

Re: In-Laws Vent (LONG)

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Posted by Linzee636

Awwww Linda!!!

You always have the most stressful in-law stories! My one question is: is your DH on your side? So long as he has your back, then you two can create a good united front together. Clearly, this year you two have already been ambushed for this holiday season, but you and DH should sit down together and talk about what YOU want going forward. You might have to have some difficult boundry-making conversations with the IL's but at least you know you're doing what's best for you both.

My DH and I already agreed that we want to host Christmas Eve at our home next year and whoever wants to come, great. If they don't like it, don't come. But this was something that we decided we want.

The deacon was right - your marriage is all about you and you hubby, and while family won't go away... especially intrusive IL's like yours... so long as you two are on the same page and set boundaries, it'll make things a lot more managable

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Thank you for this! And yes, I have VERY stressful in-laws! I'm starting to blame my headaches on them!

DH is on my side. He's started after the wedding to really realize what his mom does and how she conveniently remembers some things but not others. He's been so good since after the wedding and I couldn't ask for more. Seriously though, when we do not agree on his parents it's a fight and a half. I always say his parents will be the end of our marriage one day if they keep up with the cr*p that they pull!

We already decided that next year, if it doesn't go back to the way that it's supposed to be 'Christmas Eve my in-laws and Christmas Day my parents (and BIL with his parents)' then we are going to celebrate with his parents the day before Christmas Eve and that's that. My parents don't have anything to do Christmas Eve either but they can't go to BIL's parents house, BIL and SIL's house, my house, or IL's house because my mom is HIGHLY allergic to cats and dogs and everyone has at least one. PLUS, my parents are smart and told DH and I that Christmas Eve is for my in-laws and hey will see us on Christmas Day.

I think what also p*sses me off about the whole thing besides MIL not EVER being a parent and always letting her daughter tell her what to do (it's more important to be friends with her kids then discipline them - totally raised differently on all acocunts). This was a HARD year for my in-laws. FIL was diagnosed with Prostate Cancer and is currently going through radiation, FIL's brother passed away unexpectedly in September and broke the families heart, a week before the death FIL's identity got stolen (and then borrowed a RIDICULOUS amount of money from us to go to Florida for 3 weeks to take care of things and instead of giving us money back, they keep giving it to SIL).

It's just one thing after another and I think I just have a bad taste in my mouth. It's nice to hear what you girls have to say and that I'm not just venting to DH. Because while he agrees with me, it's still his parents but I LITERALLY want to every time I think of them!

Re: In-Laws Vent (LONG)

In laws just plain old stink sometimes!!! You will get through this and as the years pass it will be easier to tolerate :)

How was your church ceremony otherwise??? Wanna share some pics with us?

Re: In-Laws Vent (LONG)

Thank you! Hopefully it does get easier! I can't stand hating the holidays! It's always been a fun time growing up!

I don't have many pictures from the church wedding. A lot are on my cousins's boyfriend's FB and being that I left FB due to my MIL being annoying and saying stupid things...I only have this one picture...sorry

If you have any questions though I'd be happy to help, I know you are planning yours right now...we didn't do a mass though...

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Re: In-Laws Vent (LONG)

You look gorgeous!!!