in terms of wedding gifts, is this rude? no flaming please!

i went to three weddings this year. DH and i gave the same gift to each couple (a check for a specific amount). i feel that we are pretty good friends with each of the couples, we are all around the same age, and grew up in *relatively* similar areas.

the three couples were all invited to our wedding, and they all came. out of the three, only one gave the same gift to us as we did to them. the other two gave significantly less.

i TOTALLY understand that a wedding is not a fundraiser. this, to me, is not about money, but blatant rudeness. am i wrong?

You are totally right.
I have never heard of such a thing. I am sure that you'll get roasted on this board for saying what you're thinking....but I totally agree with you. Especially since you went to their weddings and gave them a gift......it is the right thing to give you the same gift in return.

DH and I made it a point to record all of the gifts we got....there are several single friends we have, who gave us overly generous gifts. We made it a point to make note of those and plan on giving the same, if not more, to them when they get married. We'll make it a point to give more to those of them that came alone, without a guest b/c obiously, we'll be there as 2.

To say they don't have it is nonsense......they have it b/c you gave it to them!
Very cheap.

I have to agree- roast me if you feel the need to
We had 4 other weddings this year not including our own and we gave the same amount to all the couples and they gave us the same in return.
I think it's only right or proper etiquette if you will that you give at least around the same amount.

other than it being what they can afford, I must confess I was a miserable bridal bookkeeper, and didn't keep track of how much each person gave us....

so it could be they didn't recall how much you gave

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Posted by LaurenluvsTJ

Maybe thats all they could afford? Everyone's situation is different.

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DITTO

DH an i were married in february---since that time we have been invited to NINE weddings this year--3 alone were in september (1 i was in)--2 in november--and 1 in december that is one week after that last on in november (so its almost like 3 weddings in november!)

while we try our best to give a gift that was comparable to what they gave us (not everyone came to our wedding--but most did) -- its hard. i have tried to be honest with the brides and say in some instances, 'maybe i shouldn't go to yours, because i can't give a gift that would be good' and they all say the same -- that it doesn't matter and to come anyway.

we give what we can---and that is it. perhaps they weren't able to give as much to you guys as they wanted cause of financial difficulties.

Absolutely not rude at all.

People give what they want and what they can afford. It should not have anything to do with how generous you may have been at their wedding.

Some people cannot afford (or simply do not want) to give more than a certain amount for a wedding. I wouldn't consider giving less rude.

I honestly don't remember in the slightest who gave me how much at my wedding with a few very notable exceptions -- all family... so I'd never use what they gave me to figure out what to give them.

We had 2 weddings that we had to go to last year and they both were close friends. One was DH's best friend and the other one was my best friend. We gave a bit different gifts to them, DH could afford more to give to his friend then I was able to give to mine, but we got back about the same anmount this year and they even figured in inflation, which was funny!!

We were lucky that we got pretty generous gifts. One of my friends gave a very small check and he was there with his wife. When I went to their wedding 3 years ago I gave them much more per person then what they gave us, but I understand their financial situation and didn't say anything except for thank you. They had another wedding the weekend before ours, so it must've been hard for them. Plus he had to buy a suite since he was our witness.

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Posted by Future Mrs.

You are totally right.
I have never heard of such a thing. I am sure that you'll get roasted on this board for saying what you're thinking....but I totally agree with you. Especially since you went to their weddings and gave them a gift......it is the right thing to give you the same gift in return.

DH and I made it a point to record all of the gifts we got....there are several single friends we have, who gave us overly generous gifts. We made it a point to make note of those and plan on giving the same, if not more, to them when they get married. We'll make it a point to give more to those of them that came alone, without a guest b/c obiously, we'll be there as 2.

To say they don't have it is nonsense......they have it b/c you gave it to them!
Very cheap.

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I couldn't have worded it better!! I agree!

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Posted by MJDoc12

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Posted by LaurenluvsTJ

Maybe thats all they could afford? Everyone's situation is different.

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DITTO

DH an i were married in february---since that time we have been invited to NINE weddings this year--3 alone were in september (1 i was in)--2 in november--and 1 in december that is one week after that last on in november (so its almost like 3 weddings in november!)

while we try our best to give a gift that was comparable to what they gave us (not everyone came to our wedding--but most did) -- its hard. i have tried to be honest with the brides and say in some instances, 'maybe i shouldn't go to yours, because i can't give a gift that would be good' and they all say the same -- that it doesn't matter and to come anyway.

we give what we can---and that is it. perhaps they weren't able to give as much to you guys as they wanted cause of financial difficulties.

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i am glad that some brides feel the way i do... i did keep track of what we gave, and what was given to us, just so i don't slight anyone - IMO, i would rather save for a wedding to give back what i was given so that the new bride and groom didn't feel slighted, KWIM?

i am trying to understand the other side of it, i really am, but i am having trouble. i guess i was just surprised since the weddings were all so close together, and the differences were significant - like DH and i, or our wedding, weren't worth what we gave to them. does that make sense?

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Posted by Brian and Marie

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Posted by Future Mrs.

To say they don't have it is nonsense......they have it b/c you gave it to them!
Very cheap.

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I couldn't have worded it better!! I agree!

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this was exactly what i was getting at! it is frustrating because this was all within the last three months - i think, if it were me, i would have set that $ aside so i knew i would have it to *give back* to the other couple.

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Posted by LB and DC

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Posted by Brian and Marie

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Posted by Future Mrs.

To say they don't have it is nonsense......they have it b/c you gave it to them!
Very cheap.

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I couldn't have worded it better!! I agree!

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this was exactly what i was getting at! it is frustrating because this was all within the last three months - i think, if it were me, i would have set that $ aside so i knew i would have it to *give back* to the other couple.

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We have gone to a few wedding since ours and before ours and we got from those people what we had given them and the upcoming wedding we will do the same and give what they gave us. We kept a record of what we received from everyone. I think its only fair that you give what you get

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Posted by PegaLega

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Posted by LB and DC

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Posted by Brian and Marie

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Posted by Future Mrs.

To say they don't have it is nonsense......they have it b/c you gave it to them!
Very cheap.

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I couldn't have worded it better!! I agree!

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this was exactly what i was getting at! it is frustrating because this was all within the last three months - i think, if it were me, i would have set that $ aside so i knew i would have it to *give back* to the other couple.

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We have gone to a few wedding since ours and before ours and we got from those people what we had given them and the upcoming wedding we will do the same and give what they gave us. We kept a record of what we received from everyone. I think its only fair that you give what you get

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We kept track of all the gifts that we were given. Two couples that were at our wedding got married last year. I gave them the same gift which is a set amount that I usually give. Both couples gave a much less amount. I KNOW for a fact, both of these couples are not struggling in any way financially. I think it is terrible, they know how expensive weddings could be especially when they just paid for a wedding themselves a year in ago. That is just my opinion.

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Posted by Aug07OFCbride

i think ppl do what they can afford.

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I think that also. I had a few I just told to come and a gift wasn't needed becasue I knew they were on hard times. I just wanted thier presence. We usually give a standard amount for a wedding and were shocked at the amounts we received from some couples who weddings we went to last year. They gave alittle more than we did to them. But our wedding to me wasn't about the money it was more the family and friends just being there.