in terms of wedding gifts, is this rude? no flaming please!

Original post by LB and DC

Oct 17, 2007 04:05 PM

i went to three weddings this year. DH and i gave the same gift to each couple (a check for a specific amount). i feel that we are pretty good friends with each of the couples, we are all around the same age, and grew up in *relatively* similar areas.

the three couples were all invited to our wedding, and they all came. out of the three, only one gave the same gift to us as we did to them. the other two gave significantly less.

i TOTALLY understand that a wedding is not a fundraiser. this, to me, is not about money, but blatant rudeness. am i wrong?

LB and DC Posted: Oct 18, 2007 11:46 AM

Re: in terms of wedding gifts, is this rude? no flaming please!

and i never said that these people were bad friends. i am sorry if it came across that way.

geez, good job LB - alienate the newlywed board within a few days of joining!

MJDoc12 Posted: Oct 18, 2007 11:57 AM

Re: in terms of wedding gifts, is this rude? no flaming please!

Posted by LB and DC

and i never said that these people were bad friends. i am sorry if it came across that way.

geez, good job LB - alienate the newlywed board within a few days of joining!

you're not alienating anything. this happens! we aren't always going to agree. as you can see--we are all mature enough to state our opinions without going nuts and putting the claws out!

and hey--maybe even if you are still a little upset--but you have a little more of an idea of the other side...thats good, isn't it! maybe your friends have $$ issues that you don't know about at all---could they have put their wedding on CCs? maybe bill collectors are calling? who knows! at least you know can add that as a 'maybe' reason why they didn't give the amount you thought and that might help you not be as upset.

Dolce19 Posted: Oct 18, 2007 11:57 AM

Re: in terms of wedding gifts, is this rude? no flaming please!

I kept track of what people gave me only because I would be horrified if I gave them less then they gave me for my wedding. I understand that a wedding and a gift isn't about $$$..but that is just how I do it. It makes it easier too in deciding how much to give as a gift.

LB and DC Posted: Oct 18, 2007 12:04 PM

Re: in terms of wedding gifts, is this rude? no flaming please!

Posted by MJDoc12

Posted by LB and DC

and i never said that these people were bad friends. i am sorry if it came across that way.

geez, good job LB - alienate the newlywed board within a few days of joining!

you're not alienating anything. this happens! we aren't always going to agree. as you can see--we are all mature enough to state our opinions without going nuts and putting the claws out!

and hey--maybe even if you are still a little upset--but you have a little more of an idea of the other side...thats good, isn't it! maybe your friends have $$ issues that you don't know about at all---could they have put their wedding on CCs? maybe bill collectors are calling? who knows! at least you know can add that as a 'maybe' reason why they didn't give the amount you thought and that might help you not be as upset.

thanks

i do think i see the other side of it, and it's not like i disagree, really, it's just that i never thought to think that way - if that makes sense! but i do appreciate all of the honest replies - you ladies are very helpful!!

enjft Posted: Oct 18, 2007 12:18 PM

Re: in terms of wedding gifts, is this rude? no flaming please!

Posted by mycrayon1

I have to agree- roast me if you feel the need to
We had 4 other weddings this year not including our own and we gave the same amount to all the couples and they gave us the same in return.
I think it's only right or proper etiquette if you will that you give at least around the same amount.

Same for me.

Kara and Todd Posted: Oct 18, 2007 12:40 PM

Re: in terms of wedding gifts, is this rude? no flaming please!

Posted by LB and DC

and i never said that these people were bad friends. i am sorry if it came across that way.

geez, good job LB - alienate the newlywed board within a few days of joining!

We just like a healthy debate now and again. No hard feelings and you didn't alienate anyone!

pupidda122505 Posted: Oct 19, 2007 09:34 AM

Re: in terms of wedding gifts, is this rude? no flaming please!

I might get flamed, but I agree with some of the other girls. I honestly think it's rude to go to a wedding and give less than what was given to you, unless it's a really special circumstance. I also kept a record of what everyone gave us and was surprised to see that some people were a little tight with us when we have been really generous with them...i have to admit that it irked me a little when I saw that because I know that these people could definitely afford it. I'm now matching gifts with certain people from now on because I feel like why should I give them my normal gift when they didn't do that with me and I know they could have?

TnOiOnL Posted: Oct 19, 2007 09:46 AM

Re: in terms of wedding gifts, is this rude? no flaming please!

I personally wrote down all gifts so that I dont 'stiff' anyone on a gift for their wedding... If a couple was extremely generous with us and I forget [which I definately would] I would be mortified if I didn't give the same back, especially this soon after the wedding. WE, PERSONALLY, set our wedding funds aside so there's no reason for us to not give back what was given, especially with the prices of RH now-a-days... JMO! I know everyone is in a different financial position so they may not have been able to set it aside and that's totally understandable too.
But if a couple decides to have a crazy expensive wedding, they also can not expect to be reinbursed for it either. I attended a wedding at Oheka that I know my gift did NOT cover even the food alone... luckily, their wedding was BEFORE ours, and they gave us the same amount back