Ladies - how would you handle this?

Original post by karen32

Mar 02, 2004 02:19 PM

this past sunday we went to a 50-birthday dinner for one of DH's aunts. let me start by saying DH did not want to go at all, but i felt it was only right that we went, since within the last 18 months, they all went to our e-party, surprise 30th b-day party, my shower, and the wedding.

anyway - when his other aunt called to invite us, she mentioned that everyone would be responsible for their own dinner. alright - a little tacky in my book, but i let it go. we get there - there are about 30 people. his aunt take it upon herself to order appetizers for everyone - okay, not a big deal. she then mentions to our table that the entrees are huge, and people may want to split one. okay - DH and i split a $21.95 entree. between us we had 3 sprite's - but other people were drinking. it looks like his aunt kept the bar tab on a separate bill.

the bill comes and everyone's share of the bill is $44!!!!!!!!!!! so DH and I paid $88 for a $21.95 entree and some appetizers. DH is beyond livid and can't let it go. on top of everything else, we gave her a VERY generous gift, since she is DH's godmother.

he wants to call his aunt who organized the whole thing. i say let it go - what is done is done and now next time we will politely decline. he can't let it go - money is super tight for us right now with me being out of a job. it's not like she is going to give us any money back!! i think we just need to chalk it up to a lesson learned.

thoughts???

WeddingsRock Posted: Mar 02, 2004 04:50 PM

Re: Ladies - how would you handle this?

Sometimes in life you have to let things go. This is why I never 'split' a bill with anyone ever. This has caused so many problems with friends of friends that join us for dinner. If it is with people outside of my immediate group, I ask for a seperate check!

jennbaby Posted: Mar 02, 2004 04:51 PM

Re: Ladies - how would you handle this?

Posted by Sonicstef

so cash/check would be a good gift for her.

OH MY GOD!!!

You have to let it go, just be prepared with extra $$ on you for the next time

Cira Posted: Mar 03, 2004 08:53 AM

Re: Ladies - how would you handle this?

Posted by februarybride

Posted by tammyjill

Id say you have to let it go
but next time you go out, eat and drink up! b/c you are likely to pay for it anyway

Exactly!

Too funny ... but so true.

wacky Posted: Mar 03, 2004 09:08 AM

Re: Ladies - how would you handle this?

I would let it go. Sometimes some things arent worth arguing over

TrayLu47 Posted: Mar 03, 2004 09:36 AM

Re: Ladies - how would you handle this?

I think you and your hubby should just let it go, it's not worth the argument and frustration! Family is like that at times, they take advantage and expect you to understand. You'll know better next time i'm sure!

Shamee Posted: Mar 03, 2004 12:24 PM

Re: Ladies - how would you handle this?

This happened recently. My brother's girlfriend who is very well off planned a surprise 40th for my brother at Caracella. She expected everyone to pay their own way -uh, okay.

Appetizers came (that no one in my family really touched) and then some bland dinner. Dinner per person = $100.00 (including my niece who had ONE plate of plain spaghetti). The total bill = $1800.00. Can you believe?!? She paid for 'half' because she felt bad (her whole family was there) and my Dad (who is on a fixed income) paid the other half because he felt bad/pressured. We were outraged because NO ONE from our side drank and if they did, they ordered/paid at the bar. My poor parents had water all night.

She 'knows' that we are all strapped for cash, yet she chose the place knowing the average dinner was a $100.00 a pop. We didn't have a clue and when you called for info (I tried to be proactive) they were hedgy and a bit put off that I was asking about the average cost of a meal there.

I like her but she's out of our league in terms of spending. Her SIL commented that it'll be up to us to plan her shower if they get engaged. Well, I don't think she's going to be too impressed with the VFW and buffet lunch on paper plates

butterfly20 Posted: Mar 03, 2004 02:03 PM

Re: Ladies - how would you handle this?

the time to bring it up, would have been at the restaurant. its too late now, but good to remember for the future.

when we go out that happens to us also,but after the first couple of times we decided to order more stuff that would make our share more equal

ddunne23 Posted: Mar 03, 2004 04:23 PM

Re: Ladies - how would you handle this?

At this point you have to let it go. This is one of my pet peeves and therefore I avoid huge group lunches/dinners that include people I barely know or are friends of friends. And if it does happen, I am notshy to point out that I only had a small entree and did not drink, therefore I will contribute X to cover my portion then you can split the bill.

MrsTC Posted: Mar 03, 2004 05:06 PM

Re: Ladies - how would you handle this?

I agree...this is tricky but I would have just let it slide....

I almost paid $20 bucks once for an appetizer of mozzerella sticks at a diner that cost $6 bucks! until my friend stepped in and said 'wait - that is not right!'

sorry

anna Posted: Mar 03, 2004 06:59 PM

Re: Ladies - how would you handle this?

I remember someone else posted a while back about guests paying their own way at a party... I think thats awkward to begin with, but being that you were trying to be respectful of hubby's family and that it's his Godmother, I guess its ok that you went along with it after all...and that was VERY nice of you to insist that you go and be part of the special occassion.

BUT BUT BUT to all of a sudden be asked to pay your WAY PLUS someone else's bar tab, these situations REALLY get to me...

I guess at this point, you have to leave it as a lesson learned and if anything you could have said something last night, or just put in what you felt would have covered your shares.

Im sorry this happened to you guys. Its a shame that people LET this happen (the drinkers and the ones that order 'blindly' ).

Ive been in this situation before a couple of times, just out with coworkers or acquaintances, and each time, I put in what I thought would cover mine. I carefully budget myself when I pick off of a menu, and to all of a sudden be expected to pay $40 for a $12 dish and a cup of coffee...NOPE, NO SIRREEE. One time, the 'money collector' person said to me 'Anna it's $42 per person' and I just responded, this should MORE than cover mine *with a big grin* (and it was MORE than enough, tax plus tip to cover mine, and it was only $22 or so). and when there were faces because there wasnt enough in the pot, I said 'I have an idea, anyone that had a few drinks, why dont you put in a few more dollars?' (HELLO GENIUS) and a few faces turned red as they dug for their wallets, feeling like shmucks trying to MOOCH.

If we go out as couples, when John orders something costly or if we order anything extra, we ALWAYS put more to cover it, even if others insists 'no biggie, we'll split it'.. Whats fair is fair either way, so we pay when we are the ones ordering more... John or I would NEVER do it, so I dont expect it to be done to me

Quite recently, a few girls Ive met in the neighborhood went out, and I wasnt able to make it. One of them called me telling me she was too embarassed to say anything, but the rest of them had 2-3 drinks each, and she doesnt drink, plus she just had surgery, so she ate very little ($6 appetizer) and they had the GALL to split the bill at $35pp! If I were there, there's NO WAY I would have put in $35 to cover their drinks... How could they do that and it not bother them???
Sorry I rambled, this is one of my pet peeves.

I hope it all works out Karen

Sunny Posted: Mar 03, 2004 07:02 PM

Re: Ladies - how would you handle this?

I think you have to let it go.

This is also one of my pet peeves, but dh and I have learned that we will always spend more than we order, and have learned to accept it. If we can't swing it (or don't want to) we don't go.

Teri Posted: Mar 03, 2004 07:04 PM

Re: Ladies - how would you handle this?

this reminds me of a holiday party DH and I went to at a friend's house....he CHARGED each of us at the door $20 for all the food and such...meanwhile, since we hadn't known about this fee, each of us brought something to the dinner itself! So we were out $50 on wine and still had to pay $40 for the meal....TACKY!!!!

However, even though each guest was horrified and livid, I don't think anyone said anything to him. He wouldn't see our point and it would be awkward to get into an argument over it.

It's a tough call, but I'd probably let it go and remember this crap for the next time!!!

anna Posted: Mar 03, 2004 08:33 PM

Re: Ladies - how would you handle this?

Karen, was this at Ciao Baby in Commack??
I live SO CLOSE by! I wish you would have come over my house for dinner and drinks instead!!

karen32 Posted: Mar 03, 2004 08:50 PM

Re: Ladies - how would you handle this?

hey anna -

it was actually the Ciao Baby in Massapequa. trust me - i would rather have spent the time with you and JA!!!!!!

karen32 Posted: Mar 03, 2004 08:51 PM

Re: Ladies - how would you handle this?

Posted by Teri

this reminds me of a holiday party DH and I went to at a friend's house....he CHARGED each of us at the door $20 for all the food and such...meanwhile, since we hadn't known about this fee, each of us brought something to the dinner itself! So we were out $50 on wine and still had to pay $40 for the meal....TACKY!!!!

However, even though each guest was horrified and livid, I don't think anyone said anything to him. He wouldn't see our point and it would be awkward to get into an argument over it.

It's a tough call, but I'd probably let it go and remember this crap for the next time!!!

wow - that is REALLY bad!!!!

michele31 Posted: Mar 03, 2004 11:33 PM

Re: Ladies - how would you handle this?

This was one big TACKY event in my book. We threw my stepmom a surprise 50th b-day and many people gave her beautiful gifts. But to ask people to pay their own dinner and then to add tons to the bill is insane. She should have never ordered apps either unless she was planning to pay for them. Just tacky, tacky and more tacky.

I would leave it alone since no good can come of a this phone call. And I would never attend any events of this aunt's again. (But I wouldn't blame the godmother since she may have not known about this tacky stuff)