Ladies - how would you handle this?

this past sunday we went to a 50-birthday dinner for one of DH's aunts. let me start by saying DH did not want to go at all, but i felt it was only right that we went, since within the last 18 months, they all went to our e-party, surprise 30th b-day party, my shower, and the wedding.

anyway - when his other aunt called to invite us, she mentioned that everyone would be responsible for their own dinner. alright - a little tacky in my book, but i let it go. we get there - there are about 30 people. his aunt take it upon herself to order appetizers for everyone - okay, not a big deal. she then mentions to our table that the entrees are huge, and people may want to split one. okay - DH and i split a $21.95 entree. between us we had 3 sprite's - but other people were drinking. it looks like his aunt kept the bar tab on a separate bill.

the bill comes and everyone's share of the bill is $44!!!!!!!!!!! so DH and I paid $88 for a $21.95 entree and some appetizers. DH is beyond livid and can't let it go. on top of everything else, we gave her a VERY generous gift, since she is DH's godmother.

he wants to call his aunt who organized the whole thing. i say let it go - what is done is done and now next time we will politely decline. he can't let it go - money is super tight for us right now with me being out of a job. it's not like she is going to give us any money back!! i think we just need to chalk it up to a lesson learned.

thoughts???

Re: Ladies - how would you handle this?

Lesson Learned... never give more then you can.

I've never heard of gifts for a 50th unless it was wine/alcohol or a gag gift.

What would he say if he called?? Wasen't he told you had to pay for meals....
My family splits the bill down so it just doesn't seem to odd for me. Sucky lesson but atleast you know from now on!

I'm sorry!

Re: Ladies - how would you handle this?

Going out to dinner with a large group is very
tricky. I have come to expect that I will pay more than my share.

I would let it go. What is done is done. I would just keep this in my mental rolodex.

Re: Ladies - how would you handle this?

Let me say that this happens to me ALL THE TIME so I feel your pain. Its a big pet peeve of mine when people order up the ying yang and then want to split it evenly after I have had a salad and a coke.

That said, I dont think you should say anything. (If you really wanted to say something, you could have mentioned it that night.) What do you want them to do now? Refund your money?

There really is no way it can end well if you bring it up. Even if you get your money back, its going to be a big point of contention from now on.

Re: Ladies - how would you handle this?

I would let it go also. When it comes to family- I always expect the worst (especially on DH's side). Going forward now you know- never to attend a dinner invite with them.

Re: Ladies - how would you handle this?

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Posted by 070502


I've never heard of gifts for a 50th unless it was wine/alcohol or a gag gift.

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that's the other thing - when his aunt called to arrange it - she mentioned that his other aunt was saving for a big screen TV, so cash/check would be a good gift for her.

Re: Ladies - how would you handle this?

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so cash/check would be a good gift for her.

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OH MY GOD!!!

Re: Ladies - how would you handle this?

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Posted by Sonicstef

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so cash/check would be a good gift for her.

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OH MY GOD!!!

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yep - i think from now on - DH decides on all events with his family. the worst part is i DRAGGED him there. he was miserable the whole time

Re: Ladies - how would you handle this?

I NEVER give people older than me $$$, not even my parents....

(not counting my MIL who we give $ to- but that's a sore subject)

I would let it go- you should've brought it up then.

Re: Ladies - how would you handle this?

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Posted by nrvbrd

Going out to dinner with a large group is very
tricky. I have come to expect that I will pay more than my share.

I would let it go. What is done is done. I would just keep this in my mental rolodex.

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Exactly!

Re: Ladies - how would you handle this?

I did not know people especially adults were putting in request for gifts now and the type of gifts they would prefer, give me a break. Sounds like a fundraiser and you contributed. All I can say is its a lesson learned.

Re: Ladies - how would you handle this?

If this were the case and especially if you saw that a lot of people were drinking, you should have brought up that you wanted to pay only for your own share and mention that you didn't have any alcohol... I would have done that. I don't think you'll be able to avoid going to such get togethers, but if you see that things are unfair, definitely say something....

Re: Ladies - how would you handle this?

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Posted by alina

If this were the case and especially if you saw that a lot of people were drinking, you should have brought up that you wanted to pay only for your own share and mention that you didn't have any alcohol... I would have done that. I don't think you'll be able to avoid going to such get togethers, but if you see that things are unfair, definitely say something....

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his aunt did keep the bar bill separate from everything else (thank god - or we really would have been screwed). i think the problem was that a lot of people didn't share. also Ciao Baby only has like 10 items on the menu. they say they can make you whatever you want, but they don't say how much it will be. i think a lot of the 'younger' cousins, didn't like anything on the menu and put together their own dishes, and lord knows how much they cost.

Re: Ladies - how would you handle this?

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Posted by Sonicstef

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so cash/check would be a good gift for her.

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OH MY GOD!!!

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OMG is right!

Re: Ladies - how would you handle this?

I would let it go. Its very frustrating though especially since that is a huge difference in price.
I feel like that happens all the time to us when we go out with friends and I am always annoyed.
Sorry this happened to you

Re: Ladies - how would you handle this?

This happened for my aunt's 50th b-day. I had soda, when everyone else drank alcohol, and my DH and I paid like 3 times what it should have cost. From now on, I will either, order as much as I can, and bring home a doggie bag, or tell them right off the bat, I will not be splitting it.

My Mom and Dad also complainied about this too, since they were on WW at the time, and barely ate. This is a common complaint with my aunt that set the whole things up. They drink about 2-3 Guiness' a piece between her and hubby, and they always want to split!

Re: Ladies - how would you handle this?

What about bringing up how the bill is split in the beginning of the meal? or possibly requesting separate checks?

Re: Ladies - how would you handle this?

Id say you have to let it go
but next time you go out, eat and drink up! b/c you are likely to pay for it anyway

Re: Ladies - how would you handle this?

I would say to let it go and learn from it so it never happens to you again so you dont feel this way.

Re: Ladies - how would you handle this?

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Posted by tammyjill

Id say you have to let it go
but next time you go out, eat and drink up! b/c you are likely to pay for it anyway

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Exactly!